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Post by ocarina on Oct 6, 2018 18:49:47 GMT
tnr - all your recent updates are remarkable - so very pleased for you and huge respect for your courage in facing the demons head on. Look how far you have come!
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Post by tnr9 on Oct 6, 2018 21:17:14 GMT
Thanks everyone...this morning I was spending time with a friend at a fair out in B's town. We had fun looking at the various vendors and then went and had lunch at a seafood restaurant. After a bit...I realized that the restaurant was one that B had taken me to with his best friend..it was actually a good memory...and although I felt a bit nostalgic, I wasn't caught up in an emotional overwhelm which was such a relief. I have come to realize that my brain wasn't working properly and that contributed to all my AP behaviors. The medication has really helped all aspects of my life and I feel so incredibly blessed to be on a journey towards healing.
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Post by faithopelove on Oct 7, 2018 23:23:47 GMT
Yes, I can relate as I became aware of my AP ways, I recognized that time and space were major triggers to me in my intimate relationships. Most of the conflicts that occurred between my ex and me were a result of my anxiety in time and space away from him which caused me to become fearful of abandonment. My fears were perceived and not realistic until we had several conflicts and he actually did leave. I realize in hindsight that my ex is an FA so no matter how I acted or reacted to him- I think he would’ve found a way to sabotage our relationship anyway.
After much self work I am moving toward secure but at times still feel anxious in my alone time. I can feel particularly triggered when my kids go with their dad for the weekend and I don’t have any scheduled plans. The silence can be deafening- and it brings back memories of going to my ex bf’s house on the weekends I didn’t have my kids. It’s a work in progress, I suppose. Just know you’re not alone and many of us are right there with you! I am finding more satisfaction in taking relaxing walks while listening to music or doing another leisurely activity for me. I don’t know if I’ll ever be content totally alone- I’m so used to being someone’s partner that it’s deeply ingrained in me.
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