The FA that comes back after a breakup

My FA broke up with me for the third time in 14 months 6 weeks ago. She didn't really provide a reason at the time, other than she was very anxious.

We met up in person recently, and she expressed regret. Ending things was the only way she knew how to handle her anxiety.

I've been aware of attachment for most of the second half of our relationship. Before I knew about attachment I was AP, but have since worked to secure.

Once I learned about attachment and realized she was avoidant, I started sharing books and resources with her and encouraging therapy. I should have just gone myself, but didn't, and was never able to convince her to go. She has read a couple books and searched the internet.

What bugs me is that our relationship was awesome in almost every other way. She's my ideal partner in terms of interests, goals, etc. She has supportive friends and family, so I was confident that she could earn secure if she worked at it.

I've started moving on and dating, but it's a small town and we've run into each other a few times already. She's reached out a few times expressing interest in seeing me, too.

We did meet up about a month after the breakup to discuss things: we hadn't really done that.

I sensed regret over the breakup, and sensed that she had been trying to come to terms with her anxiety. But still, no therapy.

I like this person, and don't want to totally shut the door here. I also feel like I wouldn't go back unless she went to therapy and learned to cope with that anxiety, assuming that it will come up again.

Any thoughts, recommendations, questions?


I am a FA female and I think you should try to work with it. If we see consistency, we eventually stop running. Seeing the other person putting in effort to meet our needs really goes a long way. Of course we need therapy, but sometimes there is no money for it, etc. There could be reasons for not going besides excuses. I would ask directly why she hasn't started therapy, and make that one of your conditions. For as long as she is in regular therapy, you could date.