lilos
Full Member
Posts: 144
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Post by lilos on Dec 21, 2018 14:16:07 GMT
I am thankful to @shiningstar today for reminding me of the ways I am holding on. The ways I am continuing to revisit something that was done years ago because loss is hard for me and I am comfortable reliving the past as a way to not let go.
This forum seems to have become that in some ways too. I like to think I have used it for more than just a place to revisit the pain of an old relationship. I’ve tried to work through things with my family and my husband too. My own feelings of inadequacy and low self esteem. To help others although I probably more lectured than anything else.
Unfortunately the ways my past interactions with my ex so strongly illustrate attachment related behaviors I can’t be here without going back to that place. Without relating to others here based on what happened with him. Whatever things in my current active relationships might be related to my attachment issues- I can’t work through them here without being dragged back. That past is done now and I have to let it go. I do hope there is space for him and I to move forward in forgiveness of each other into something new someday but that is unlikely- I’m not delusional. So it’s time to move along and part of that for me includes leaving here too. I guess I’ll take that as another sign of my growth. I am thankful for the space this place has given me to clear my head and relate to others. To see myself in others and help me see the areas I still need work.
To all who have been part of that for me- Thank you.
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Post by mrob on Dec 21, 2018 15:51:41 GMT
Good luck, lilos. Thanks so much for contibuting here, especially about your epiphany and subsequent work. There is hope for all of us. I wish you all the best in the future. |
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Post by 8675309 on Dec 21, 2018 15:55:36 GMT
Good luck to you. I understand when it’s that time to cut something out.
Have a great holiday season and sending you love and light. ❤️
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lilos
Full Member
Posts: 144
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Post by lilos on Dec 21, 2018 16:42:32 GMT
lilos : I wish you luck! "A broken heart" from a long time ago, can be a real thing, that you maybe have to work on, before you can be precent in your relationship with your husband ? What happens in your body ect., when you say the name of your ex out loud ? Your body never lies. You can check this out: jebkinnison.boards.net/thread/1169/healing-broken-heart(By the way - an eyeroll is passive aggressive behavior, and not aggressive behavior - sorry about the confusion)Anne You recommended this to me after my first post here on the boards. It was a realization I needed that I never allowed myself to grieve the loss. I will need to go through and screenshot a lot of your stuff on healing and various forms of work because I know there is more to do. That shadow work is something I had been trying on my own with meditations- I think there is so much more I can do with it using your post. Thank you all you put out there. |
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Post by alexandra on Dec 21, 2018 19:36:49 GMT
Good luck, lilos! You've made a lot of progress in a difficult process. I hope your husband can get on board with that and work on his own healing to accept your new dynamic (you've mentioned your relationship has codependent aspects, and I've seen examples where it's hard to navigate when one partner has grown out of that and the other hasn't). I'd done a lot of research on NPD but it was a couple years ago, so I didn't have any good sources handy. I think just searching for overt narcissistic personality disorder AND for covert narcissistic personality disorder will help you get to what you're looking for, since it manifests in two ways. I read your other response and think you've gotten the right lessons from it so far, and the reason it may still matter to understand if it applies to your mom is because it very rarely to never corrects... and understanding and accepting that will help you figure out how to interact with your mom in the healthiest way for you. I know people who keep getting hurt or holding on to negative narratives because they never stop believing an NPD person who makes them feel badly can change. Keep growing, letting go, and keeping your relationships healthy and fulfilling -- especially the one with yourself! |
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Dec 21, 2018 23:07:46 GMT
I am thankful to @shiningstar today for reminding me of the ways I am holding on. The ways I am continuing to revisit something that was done years ago because loss is hard for me and I am comfortable reliving the past as a way to not let go. This forum seems to have become that in some ways too. I like to think I have used it for more than just a place to revisit the pain of an old relationship. I’ve tried to work through things with my family and my husband too. My own feelings of inadequacy and low self esteem. To help others although I probably more lectured than anything else. Unfortunately the ways my past interactions with my ex so strongly illustrate attachment related behaviors I can’t be here without going back to that place. Without relating to others here based on what happened with him. Whatever things in my current active relationships might be related to my attachment issues- I can’t work through them here without being dragged back. That past is done now and I have to let it go. I do hope there is space for him and I to move forward in forgiveness of each other into something new someday but that is unlikely- I’m not delusional. So it’s time to move along and part of that for me includes leaving here too. I guess I’ll take that as another sign of my growth. I am thankful for the space this place has given me to clear my head and relate to others. To see myself in others and help me see the areas I still need work. To all who have been part of that for me- Thank you. How wonderful you’ve made this decision! I’m with you there and am pondering the same thing as you... I really do like anne12 resources though!  Best of luck and may 2019 mark your new beginnings! |
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Post by leavethelighton on Dec 22, 2018 0:39:36 GMT
I hope you have a great new year. If we don't see you back here, then as others have said, best of wishes and luck to you. I've appreciated your many thoughtful posts on this board!
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Post by tnr9 on Dec 22, 2018 13:09:32 GMT
I wish you well on your continued journey towards healing.❤️😀
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