Dating profiles: Dating: You can use dating apps or dating sites. Apps are more for ambivalent and disorganized attatched, as they need and like to move fast while dating sites are better suited to the dismissive. Secures will Often go on dating sites but likes smaller dating sites. They dont use too much time writing.
Pictures: Get a professional photo taken. Not everyone is equally good at pictures. The picture must be natural. A portrait photo and a full body image are good. We All like different types of bodies. Talk to the photografer so That your personality Will Be shown in the pictures.
Your clothes and makeup. Wear clothes That You like to wear in your everyday life. And one or two pictures where You are more dressed Up. Use natural makeup.
Do not use pictures where you wear sunglasses. Also no pictures where you stand with a glass of beer/vine/a drink or where there is alcohol in the picture. If you use a selfie picture it must be a really good picture. Otherwise drop selfie pictures on your profile. Use pictures where people can see your eyes.
As a Woman do not use pictures taken With your kids or With your pets. No pictures where theres is clutter in the the background, a messy bed, a messy kitchen ect No pictures where you are driving your car. No pictures With other People in the photos.
Use pictures in invoriments That You enjoy. Building in the background if You like arcitecture or You like to travel, the ocean in the background ect.
Use two scenarios from your love vision in your dating profile text.
Remember You only have to find one partner.
IT is also important to filter out the wrong ones in your profile text.
Write two times With the other person. Make one phonecall Then date irl for 1-2 hours in a public place.
There are some signs, but they are not bulletproof. Many people know how to behave in the beginning and therefore do not reveal these things in the first period in which they "do their utmost".
It is among other things - if the other only talks about himself, and never asks you any questions. - if they let you pay at least half of the bill. As a woman, it is common for the man to pay more than half, since in general, despite gender equality, we as Woman still are behind men's wages. - if they do not check in with you, what you want (although it may be nice that the other person takes the initiative) - does the other person listen to the little things you mention, that you like? He shows this by buying or arranging these little things for you. - Is he on the cellphone while you're together - or can he prioritize that now IT is YOUR time? - is he kind and generous to others? - does he talk lovingly / kindly about his family and friends?
"When she left all the initiative to him, yes, it could be to test his masculinity. If she could really count on him! Women have to test the man - it usually happens completely unconsciously - and NEVER to be taken personally." .
Falling in love/Who are You attracted to: The other sends you a look that makes you uneasy on the unconscious level. The subconscious is like a video camera filming everything that happens.
The way the other person looks at you. There must be security and excitement at the same time. The other person must both be able to make you uneasy and be able to give you security at the same time. You fall in love with the redeeming aspect and the offending aspect in the other person.
The other person compliments sides within yourself that you no longer have access to in yourself. The other person you fall in love with also activates your your childhoodwound/ pain (your shame).
An attatchment/se therapist recommends this if you are getting gosted:
If the other person just ignores you, you can text: "Hey. Since I haven't heard from you since the xxx, I take it as an expression, that you are not interested/that our re lationship is over. Best Regards xxx (if it's a misunderstanding, feel free to bring me out of it)'
Then you get your energy and power back. Use statesments and not questions.
You can also beside the message write a letter that you do not send. Rip it apart or/and burn it. Maybe you can feel the anger of you being gosted or feel like questioning yourself ' why does this always happen to me when I date, there are no good men/out there for me." Anger is organic. It drains your lifeenergy. So do what you can to get back into your own power again. You can also do the two chair anger meditation ect.
``"People who are dismissive and avoidant are more likely to 'rotate' people," he continues. "Ghosting is another way of basically not having any conflict, right? People who are conflict avoidant would be natural ghosters, because no muss, no fuss—you just disappear. So it's 'good for me, and if it's not good for you, then sorry.'"''
It's so strange that the article mentions dismissive and anxious ghosters, and their motivations- but didn't mention fearful avoidant. The stats for FA ghosting seem pretty high anecdotally. I'd say it's a general insecure tactic!
Where can you meet a partner irl.: study Work where you live, Out in town, on bars (drink only 1-2 items, otherwise you can go below your standard and lose your presence fitness center and places where you get your pulse up) - men tend to be attracted to women in Places where the adrenaline level is high) running clubs kayak clubs rowing clubs evening high schools super markets (as a Woman You can contact a man in the wine department for help choosing a wine) bus stop the train in the parks[, airports ect. take cooking clases friends Ask People in your network (family, colleges, friends) ect. Arranged meetings Arrange a party where each of you bring your ex date. Somebodys trash could be another person's gold.
You can also make a list with the alphabet from a-z: Write down a place starting with each letter. Ex a - amusement park, b - bookstore/beach, c - carwash, café.
Then be proactive every single day and go to one of the different places. Ask a man/woman at the book store what book they are reading/buying, talk to the barrista at the coffee shop, compliment a woman/man every day, ask a man to help you at the gas station, talk to the person sitting beside you in the train Go for a walk in a new park on the other side of the city from where you live ect. Get to know people with social hubs, make your own social hub and invite people to join, force yourself to talk to at least 3 men/women at the fitness center, ask a man/woman for light at a bar ect., get a new hobby that you enjoy where you can meet new people, do voulenteer work, babysit a dog and go for a walk in the park ect.
Here’s the bottom line: Look for a woman who can receive her mother’s love. If she has remained trusting and vulnerable to her mother’s love, if she delights in receiving her mother’s tenderness and care, she will receive similarly from you. Your relationship will also be strengthened if her mother and father—whether they stayed together or not—demonstrated care and respect for one another. Now let’s turn the tables.
What type of man would make a good partner?
Here’s the bottom line: Look for a man who reveres his father. If he credits his father for being his role model, guiding him through life’s challenges, you’re in good hands. A man who admires his father often wants to emulate what he admires most in him. Choose a man who feels loved and supported by both parents, yet sees himself as being a bit more aligned with his father. If he was his mother’s emotional partner, and was distant with his father, don’t expect an easy road ahead.
If he attempted to satisfy his mother’s unmet needs and supply her with what she felt she couldn’t get from her husband, proceed cautiously. This man is likely to have difficulty appreciating your needs. Fearing that you will want too much from him, the way his mother did, he is likely to put his guard up by shutting down physically or emotionally when he feels he’s getting too close to you.
Our partner’s relationship with his or her parents can be a trusted indicator of how frustrating or fulfilling our relationship can be. If there’s one takeaway, it would be this: A solid bond with the same-sexed parent can be insurance that your relationship will endure. With this principle as your guiding light, you now hold an essential piece of the relationship puzzle and can be more prepared when it’s time to pick your life partner.
If your date / partner haven't had a good relationship with one or both his/her parent's, ask if the person has tried to repair the brake in the bond irl or through therapy ect. It can also be done even if the person's parents are dead through different kinds of techniques.
I'm stunned that a man like this can get a date. I know I've met men like this in passing but we don't get on well.
I've had issues with cluster B inclined men though, a totally unexpected blend of anxious or FA insecure alpha- the suspected ( by a professional who treated him) borderline in my history was very masculine, retired military.
So many ways for cluster B to show up, this actually reminds me of histrionic type. Maybe I'm off base.
I get with alphas. There's a whole different set of potential problems with that type. So far so good this time though!