Interesting Read- Avoidant Case History

Yes, this girl is quite a bit younger than me, and at the beginning of her journey. I was more like her when I was younger- I don't identify with any general anxiety or her history of violence as a child.

What stood out to me though was her personality as described. It goes to show, that attachment descriptions are not so narrow. DA are described as having few words. This is true for me when triggered into deactivation but not generally, I am talkative and expressive when in my unteiggered state. I enjoy silence above all, it's true. But interpersonally I don't have a difficult time and my personality doesn't display avoidance.

It's my inner workings that betray my wounds.

Anyway, it's refreshing to see an avoidant portrayed in her reality- as a real person with a real history, not a canned "Mr. Asshole" depiction of a dismissive.

We are real people, unique, and influenced by many factors in our genes and environment. One size does not fit all.

happyidiot , your sister can totally have those concerns as.a DA. With the traits, there are hallmark obsessions if you will- but they are not exclusive to types in isolation. As a DA, or a secure, or an AP; or FA, a concern about infidelity can arise for a number of reasons. I have been cheated on in all relationships but one. I suspected it because of 1) her stuff in his vehicle 2) her blonde hair on his underwear in my bathroom. lol! But, it would have been totally reasonable for me to suspect it without those clues because he acted like a man who was cheating. It's also true that it's the last place my mind goes. What would make this an AP trait is if it occurred as an automatic insecure fear in conjunction with other AP stuff and without basis, just as an anxiety driven fear. Or if the suspicion was not in line with other evidence to the contrary.

These traits are about the big picture, some of them. Some are really kind of black and white, like the core beliefs. The core motivations to or away from relationships. But there is a lot of gray area too.

Body image, totally an area a DA can have concerns (and it's common). Self esteem encompasses a lot of things. Self reliance gives a positive boost to self image. Accomplishments do also. Career advancement, independence, and autonomy all are good for self esteem, or at least they have the potential to be. But one can feel cnfident about oneself in one area and not in another. I have positive body image. But if I became ill, and my body declined, it could change. Lots of gray area.

Traits stack up to form a basic profile, but individual circumstances can influence the unexpected appearance of one here or there without indicating a different attachment type necessarily.

Well, that's all my opinion as a lay person and a DA who knows a lot of DA men and women from the inside lol.

I am glad to read the case study, thank you for posting, it describes a little of what I feel inside sometimes. Do you feel more relaxed and chatty with some people and then frozen and uncomfortable with others? I feel self-conscious in many social situations, when it felt fake. I have a problem to act diplomatically, I feel like I said the wrong things, etc. at moments and although I don't mean to be rude or anything the discomfort sends the wrong messages to other people. I'm not a "people person", but if the other person engages me in deeper, more interesting conversations about various subjects, I'm quite happy to explore. I live a lot in my own world, are you like that too?

Actually, I do have social discomfort that involves overwhelmed with crowds or noise. That may be a separate issue. I have issues with needing physical space, and relate to the "same house, different room " thing. This has driven anxious partners nuts.