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Post by happyidiot on Jul 17, 2019 18:48:57 GMT
I learned very early on with women (way before #metoo), that I was a sleazebag if I asked, intimated or in any other way showed a desire for sex. That becomes a problem if you’re a man, because you’re expected to always initiate. I can only describe this conundrum as really sad and totally disempowering. Some times when she initiated, there was so much baggage attached to it that I would feel sick to the stomach, sad and angry that sex was being used as a vehicle for whatever agenda was going on. I don’t go near situations like that now. Just as well, because some aspects have never really worked the same since! I'm so sorry you were made to feel that way. I had a (secure) partner once who felt that way too, because his previous partner had been very uninterested in sex and associated him trying to initiate sex or touching her in a sexual way with sexual assault. I think she may have been sexually assaulted in the past or something, I can't remember if he said that she had or he just thought that she had. It caused some problems for us, because I felt weird about how he would never initiate sex and I couldn't stand being the one to always initiate it. I think that's particularly hard as an FA (and I wasn't even aware of attachment theory or aware when I was deactivating back then). It was sad, he said he actually had a lot of sexual desire but it must have just been ingrained in him for so long not to show it. It extended to him being a bit on the subdued side in bed too, maybe due to being afraid to do anything that could be perceived as aggressive. Do you think your ex had some issues that were due to her being mistreated sexually by someone in her past?
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Post by mrob on Jul 17, 2019 19:20:41 GMT
happyidiot I know it’s a bit extreme, but watch how this bloke’s naive confidence is ripped apart in this thread. He puts his hand on her leg at a dinner party. He taps her on the backside, probably at inappropriate times, but he’s eaten alive! jebkinnisonforum.com/thread/1937/help-communicating-da-gf-triggers?page=6This is my worst nightmare. The pain of getting that wrong is too much for me. I’m not a mind reader and I’m not willing to be that vulnerable if that’s the price I pay if I get it wrong. It’s just too much.
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Post by happyidiot on Jul 18, 2019 1:15:12 GMT
happyidiot I know it’s a bit extreme, but watch how this bloke’s naive confidence is ripped apart in this thread. He puts his hand on her leg at a dinner party. He taps her on the backside, probably at inappropriate times, but he’s eaten alive! jebkinnisonforum.com/thread/1937/help-communicating-da-gf-triggers?page=6This is my worst nightmare. The pain of getting that wrong is too much for me. I’m not a mind reader and I’m not willing to be that vulnerable if that’s the price I pay if I get it wrong. It’s just too much. It's my worst nightmare too. The pain of rejection, or of someone thinking I'm being affectionate/sexual in some way I should be ashamed about is just too much. I might have to step into that thread as I have a different perspective than some people who are chastising him.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 18, 2019 12:44:24 GMT
happyidiot I know it’s a bit extreme, but watch how this bloke’s naive confidence is ripped apart in this thread. He puts his hand on her leg at a dinner party. He taps her on the backside, probably at inappropriate times, but he’s eaten alive! jebkinnisonforum.com/thread/1937/help-communicating-da-gf-triggers?page=6This is my worst nightmare. The pain of getting that wrong is too much for me. I’m not a mind reader and I’m not willing to be that vulnerable if that’s the price I pay if I get it wrong. It’s just too much. That thread was written in the context of other threads, pressure he puts on his partner to meet his needs with reciprocated ILY and other things. The underlying neediness and expectation is the issue, not a hand on the knee. I can't speak for any other poster but no comment was about a stand alone flirtation- it's been a continuing discussion about anxiety causing him to have certain expectations and criticizing his partner when she doesn't meet them. He criticized her on this one as well. So it's more about the AP /DA dynamic here that is ongoing and less about this one flirtation. I believe that is where the other poster faith was coming from also- a progressive discussion.
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Post by tnr9 on Jul 18, 2019 12:58:12 GMT
happyidiot I know it’s a bit extreme, but watch how this bloke’s naive confidence is ripped apart in this thread. He puts his hand on her leg at a dinner party. He taps her on the backside, probably at inappropriate times, but he’s eaten alive! jebkinnisonforum.com/thread/1937/help-communicating-da-gf-triggers?page=6This is my worst nightmare. The pain of getting that wrong is too much for me. I’m not a mind reader and I’m not willing to be that vulnerable if that’s the price I pay if I get it wrong. It’s just too much. That thread was written in the context of other threads, pressure he puts on his partner to meet his needs with reciprocated ILY and other things. The underlying neediness and expectation is the issue, not a hand on the knee. I can't speak for any other poster but no comment was about a stand alone flirtation- it's been a continuing discussion about anxiety causing him to have certain expectations and criticizing his partner when she doesn't meet them. He criticized her on this one as well. So it's more about the AP /DA dynamic here that is ongoing and less about this one flirtation. I believe that is where the other poster faith was coming from also- a progressive discussion. I understood where you were coming from Sherri. I don’t think you were roasting him....just pointing out that if he needed reassurance, that was not the time/place to ask for it because she would likely not be in a space to provide that to him. Point taken.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 18, 2019 13:23:10 GMT
That thread was written in the context of other threads, pressure he puts on his partner to meet his needs with reciprocated ILY and other things. The underlying neediness and expectation is the issue, not a hand on the knee. I can't speak for any other poster but no comment was about a stand alone flirtation- it's been a continuing discussion about anxiety causing him to have certain expectations and criticizing his partner when she doesn't meet them. He criticized her on this one as well. So it's more about the AP /DA dynamic here that is ongoing and less about this one flirtation. I believe that is where the other poster faith was coming from also- a progressive discussion. I understood where you were coming from Sherri. I don’t think you were roasting him....just pointing out that if he needed reassurance, that was not the time/place to ask for it because she would likely not be in a space to provide that to him. Point taken. Yeah, i could see where this could be take. out of context. But he again was not sharing affection, he was making a bid for attention because of his negative emotional mood and expected something in return. He admits all that. And in the end , when she failed to meet his expectations (unspoken) she got the talking to, and was criticized for being cold. This partner is in the position of having to perform according to his expectations or get the talk. Once she almost got The Talk on the way to a birthday event she had planned for him. His timing is absolutely inappropriate, and his neediness is unchecked and over the top with regard to his expectation and what he says to her if it isn't met. It's been a pattern and he repeatedly admits he should talk to her another way and she repeatedly tells him she feels criticized. So he was pointed in the direction of addressing his own issues. I stand by what I said although I am sure some will disagree, but that's within bounds for sure. He has what he thinks is a DA partner so some perspectives will vary. I can relate to her reactions and let him know why. It would be kind of silly,, in my mind, if this were about one little advance. That's not it at all it's about the big picture of his anxious dynamic.
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Post by tnr9 on Jul 18, 2019 14:27:57 GMT
I understood where you were coming from Sherri. I don’t think you were roasting him....just pointing out that if he needed reassurance, that was not the time/place to ask for it because she would likely not be in a space to provide that to him. Point taken. Yeah, i could see where this could be take. out of context. But he again was not sharing affection, he was making a bid for attention because of his negative emotional mood and expected something in return. He admits all that. And in the end , when she failed to meet his expectations (unspoken) she got the talking to, and was criticized for being cold. This partner is in the position of having to perform according to his expectations or get the talk. Once she almost got The Talk on the way to a birthday event she had planned for him. His timing is absolutely inappropriate, and his neediness is unchecked and over the top with regard to his expectation and what he says to her if it isn't met. It's been a pattern and he repeatedly admits he should talk to her another way and she repeatedly tells him she feels criticized. So he was pointed in the direction of addressing his own issues. I stand by what I said although I am sure some will disagree, but that's within bounds for sure. He has what he thinks is a DA partner so some perspectives will vary. I can relate to her reactions and let him know why. It would be kind of silly,, in my mind, if this were about one little advance. That's not it at all it's about the big picture of his anxious dynamic. I understand....I almost let my own pattern of insecurity run things yesterday morning....I was going to post about that later.
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Post by faithopelove on Jul 18, 2019 18:09:17 GMT
happyidiot I know it’s a bit extreme, but watch how this bloke’s naive confidence is ripped apart in this thread. He puts his hand on her leg at a dinner party. He taps her on the backside, probably at inappropriate times, but he’s eaten alive! jebkinnisonforum.com/thread/1937/help-communicating-da-gf-triggers?page=6This is my worst nightmare. The pain of getting that wrong is too much for me. I’m not a mind reader and I’m not willing to be that vulnerable if that’s the price I pay if I get it wrong. It’s just too much. mrob and happyidiot - Before you read a few threads on a post and react, you would have to go back and read ALL the posts by toorational to get the whole picture of their relationship dynamic. @sherry and I were commenting and drawing conclusions based on the poster’s comments from the beginning. He was fearful he was scaring his partner away- Sherry and I agreed with that based on all his numerous examples of acting AP triggered. I’m AP and he would turn me avoidant in the relationship. Absolutely nothing to do with a hand on a leg at a dinner party- I love when my partner shows me affection and would’ve been completely fine with that. That wasn’t the point. It’s his reactions, unrealistic expectations, emotional tantrums and prodding OVERALL that are unhealthy in the relationship. He’s seeking constant validation. Coming from a guy or a girl- that gets old. After you read all his posts you’d have a better understanding of the relationship dynamic. He’s AP. He needs to develop his self-love.
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Post by faithopelove on Jul 18, 2019 18:12:42 GMT
happyidiot I know it’s a bit extreme, but watch how this bloke’s naive confidence is ripped apart in this thread. He puts his hand on her leg at a dinner party. He taps her on the backside, probably at inappropriate times, but he’s eaten alive! jebkinnisonforum.com/thread/1937/help-communicating-da-gf-triggers?page=6This is my worst nightmare. The pain of getting that wrong is too much for me. I’m not a mind reader and I’m not willing to be that vulnerable if that’s the price I pay if I get it wrong. It’s just too much. That thread was written in the context of other threads, pressure he puts on his partner to meet his needs with reciprocated ILY and other things. The underlying neediness and expectation is the issue, not a hand on the knee. I can't speak for any other poster but no comment was about a stand alone flirtation- it's been a continuing discussion about anxiety causing him to have certain expectations and criticizing his partner when she doesn't meet them. He criticized her on this one as well. So it's more about the AP /DA dynamic here that is ongoing and less about this one flirtation. I believe that is where the other poster faith was coming from also- a progressive discussion. @sherry - Absolutely, he needs to get his AP under control. I think he vividly illustrates how AP can destroy a relationship. Should be a wake up call to all AP.
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Post by happyidiot on Jul 19, 2019 6:49:57 GMT
happyidiot I know it’s a bit extreme, but watch how this bloke’s naive confidence is ripped apart in this thread. He puts his hand on her leg at a dinner party. He taps her on the backside, probably at inappropriate times, but he’s eaten alive! jebkinnisonforum.com/thread/1937/help-communicating-da-gf-triggers?page=6This is my worst nightmare. The pain of getting that wrong is too much for me. I’m not a mind reader and I’m not willing to be that vulnerable if that’s the price I pay if I get it wrong. It’s just too much. That thread was written in the context of other threads, pressure he puts on his partner to meet his needs with reciprocated ILY and other things. The underlying neediness and expectation is the issue, not a hand on the knee. I can't speak for any other poster but no comment was about a stand alone flirtation- it's been a continuing discussion about anxiety causing him to have certain expectations and criticizing his partner when she doesn't meet them. He criticized her on this one as well. So it's more about the AP /DA dynamic here that is ongoing and less about this one flirtation. I believe that is where the other poster faith was coming from also- a progressive discussion. I have read most of his other posts. I still took issue with the way you worded things. So what if he is touching her leg in part because he's anxious and wants connection and reassurance, he is still just touching his partner's leg. Who are you to police his reasons for wanting to be affectionate? Physical affection has all sorts of motivations and purposes. I think it's a mistake to start arbitrating which motives are acceptable and which are bad. When he said, If I understand correctly, you're not suggesting that caressing her was inappropriate, but rather my expectation of her reciprocating is. you replied: No, you misunderstand. I actually do think it's pushing it for you to make a sexual advance under the dinner table at a friends house. That moment was not about you. And yes I think it's clear she didn't want to reciprocate because that moment wasn't about you. To me that contradicts what you just said about the neediness and expectation being your issue. And it's a bit over the top to refer to it as "making a sexual advance." Don't forget that this (and more) is a behavior she has welcomed at other times. He's not a mind reader. You also said, "Be sexual when you're alone," as though this is common sense, and to me it implies that you're saying PDAs–even very subtle ones hidden under a table–are not ok. I understood where you were coming from Sherri. I don’t think you were roasting him....just pointing out that if he needed reassurance, that was not the time/place to ask for it because she would likely not be in a space to provide that to him. Point taken. Yeah, i could see where this could be take. out of context. But he again was not sharing affection, he was making a bid for attention because of his negative emotional mood and expected something in return. He admits all that. And in the end , when she failed to meet his expectations (unspoken) she got the talking to, and was criticized for being cold. This partner is in the position of having to perform according to his expectations or get the talk. Once she almost got The Talk on the way to a birthday event she had planned for him. His timing is absolutely inappropriate, and his neediness is unchecked and over the top with regard to his expectation and what he says to her if it isn't met. It's been a pattern and he repeatedly admits he should talk to her another way and she repeatedly tells him she feels criticized. So he was pointed in the direction of addressing his own issues. I stand by what I said although I am sure some will disagree, but that's within bounds for sure. He has what he thinks is a DA partner so some perspectives will vary. I can relate to her reactions and let him know why. It would be kind of silly,, in my mind, if this were about one little advance. That's not it at all it's about the big picture of his anxious dynamic. It's interesting, as an FA I can empathize a lot with both DAs and APs. Sometimes my perception is that DAs on the board sometimes appear to act like being DA is the right way to be and get highly defensive of the DAs that APs post about, while vilifying the AP poster. I know being DA can sure feel like it is right/wise/healthy to some DAs, as multiple DAs I know IRL have told me they actually see DA as the "best" attachment type and that they think the only real problem with it is people getting upset with them over their DA-ness or not understanding them and their choices. I may have missed it, but I didn't even see toorational say anywhere that he criticized his gf for not reciprocating his leg touch or that he brought that up with her. He just mentioned it to the forum as an example among a number of things that he took as little signs that she is being distant. Give the guy a break. Who knows if she even had anywhere near as much of a problem with him touching her leg as you did. Sounds like she just feels attacked and defensive any time he mentions perceiving her as distant/cold. happyidiot I know it’s a bit extreme, but watch how this bloke’s naive confidence is ripped apart in this thread. He puts his hand on her leg at a dinner party. He taps her on the backside, probably at inappropriate times, but he’s eaten alive! jebkinnisonforum.com/thread/1937/help-communicating-da-gf-triggers?page=6This is my worst nightmare. The pain of getting that wrong is too much for me. I’m not a mind reader and I’m not willing to be that vulnerable if that’s the price I pay if I get it wrong. It’s just too much. mrob and happyidiot - Before you read a few threads on a post and react, you would have to go back and read ALL the posts by toorational to get the whole picture of their relationship dynamic. @sherry and I were commenting and drawing conclusions based on the poster’s comments from the beginning. He was fearful he was scaring his partner away- Sherry and I agreed with that based on all his numerous examples of acting AP triggered. I’m AP and he would turn me avoidant in the relationship. Absolutely nothing to do with a hand on a leg at a dinner party- I love when my partner shows me affection and would’ve been completely fine with that. That wasn’t the point. It’s his reactions, unrealistic expectations, emotional tantrums and prodding OVERALL that are unhealthy in the relationship. He’s seeking constant validation. Coming from a guy or a girl- that gets old. After you read all his posts you’d have a better understanding of the relationship dynamic. He’s AP. He needs to develop his self-love. I read most of the thread. I agree with a lot of what you just said. I still think some of the responses in that thread were harsh and sound kind of shaming. mrob and I were sharing how we are terrified of rejection and of being made to feel ashamed for desiring affection and sex. I might have missed it, but I didn't see anyone chastizing toorational for wishing his gf laughed at his jokes. But a little thigh touch is picked out as "sexual" and wildly inappropriate?
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Post by Deleted on Jul 19, 2019 10:43:09 GMT
happyidiot, I do not have to justify my posting to you, nor do I need to argue with you or defend myself in any way. We don't agree but I don't need to align with you, nor you with me. You've offered your view and I've offered mine only I offered mine only to the OP who opened the thread. He can do what he likes with the information both you and I have provided. There are times I find another's posts rude or self-righteous or otherwise negative, and don't say anything because I don't need to fight with views that differ. If I have something to say I'll keep it to the topic that I'm engaging about and I don't care to get involved with another personality here who has an issue with me or their perception of DA. If I thought it was the best would I be here working on it? Your point is moot to me. I share my perspective like anyone else as a way to offer someone a chance to understand it- what you believe inside about that is on you. Anyway, I'm not going to get into all your quotes here. Take what I've said how you want to but I gave my impressions on that thread from my perspective and I haven't asked anyone to co-sign or agree.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 19, 2019 11:34:13 GMT
What I'm saying here happyidiot is why not post your opinions and comments about toorational's thread, on his thread, in support of him? If you take issue with me on this board or DA'd in general or have feelings about DA's in your real life; that's not something I care to address with you or argue about. We don't have to actually agree or get along about any of this. It would be better to support toorational if you disagree with me, and offer your perspective in support of him, and let him weigh things out- don't you think? Why fight with me? You are having issues with sexuality in your relationship, this thread is about that and you can bring anything into it that you need to. I just don't need to argue about what I posted to another participant about an issue he brought into his own thread. And in the future, I'm happy to refrain from participating in your threads and you're welcome to ignore any contributions I make; as you take issue in general with how you view DA participation here. It's open forum and there are bound to be differences. I don't expect alignment with me and neither should you. I didn't bring the other thread out of context to this one- someone else did.
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Post by toorational on Jul 19, 2019 16:06:32 GMT
Guys, I appreciate everyone's inputs, even the harsh ones. Please agree to disagree To get back on the sex topic... I could share an experience I had two days ago. I had proposed to masturbate in front of your partner as a low-pressure alternative to sex in this thread. Well Wednesday night I spent the night over at my GF's place and my libido was through the roof because we had not had sex in one week. I could sense that she was not receptive that night, which is triggering as an AP, as this would never have happened during our first year honeymoon phase (I mean after a week without sex). So I made advances in bed but quickly realized that she wasn't in the mood. So I was very open about my high arousal and that I'd rather masturbate in front of her instead of going to hide somewhere. She laughed which made me a bit uncomfortable. But that's what I did. It didn't arouse her that night like the previous time I had done that. But the next morning when we woke up especially early, she initiated sex. So, I don't know if that's going to be a compromise going forward or not. It seems healthy to me, I'm expressing my needs openly and without shame, but also without relying on her to fulfill them.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 19, 2019 16:31:57 GMT
Guys, I appreciate everyone's inputs, even the harsh ones. Please agree to disagree To get back on the sex topic... I could share an experience I had two days ago. I had proposed to masturbate in front of your partner as a low-pressure alternative to sex in this thread. Well Wednesday night I spent the night over at my GF's place and my libido was through the roof because we had not had sex in one week. I could sense that she was not receptive that night, which is triggering as an AP, as this would never have happened during our first year honeymoon phase (I mean after a week without sex). So I made advances in bed but quickly realized that she wasn't in the mood. So I was very open about my high arousal and that I'd rather masturbate in front of her instead of going to hide somewhere. She laughed which made me a bit uncomfortable. But that's what I did. It didn't arouse her that night like the previous time I had done that. But the next morning when we woke up especially early, she initiated sex. So, I don't know if that's going to be a compromise going forward or not. It seems healthy to me, I'm expressing my needs openly and without shame, but also without relying on her to fulfill them. Thanks toorational, I appreciate that you and I were able to communicate directly on your thread and that our interaction was beneficial to you in spite of conflicting viewpoints. I'll continue to engage with my perspective and appreciate that you are able to agree or disagree without trying to eliminate input. Carry on!
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Post by faithopelove on Jul 19, 2019 17:21:29 GMT
That thread was written in the context of other threads, pressure he puts on his partner to meet his needs with reciprocated ILY and other things. The underlying neediness and expectation is the issue, not a hand on the knee. I can't speak for any other poster but no comment was about a stand alone flirtation- it's been a continuing discussion about anxiety causing him to have certain expectations and criticizing his partner when she doesn't meet them. He criticized her on this one as well. So it's more about the AP /DA dynamic here that is ongoing and less about this one flirtation. I believe that is where the other poster faith was coming from also- a progressive discussion. I have read most of his other posts. I still took issue with the way you worded things. So what if he is touching her leg in part because he's anxious and wants connection and reassurance, he is still just touching his partner's leg. Who are you to police his reasons for wanting to be affectionate? Physical affection has all sorts of motivations and purposes. I think it's a mistake to start arbitrating which motives are acceptable and which are bad. When he said, If I understand correctly, you're not suggesting that caressing her was inappropriate, but rather my expectation of her reciprocating is. you replied: No, you misunderstand. I actually do think it's pushing it for you to make a sexual advance under the dinner table at a friends house. That moment was not about you. And yes I think it's clear she didn't want to reciprocate because that moment wasn't about you. To me that contradicts what you just said about the neediness and expectation being your issue. And it's a bit over the top to refer to it as "making a sexual advance." Don't forget that this (and more) is a behavior she has welcomed at other times. He's not a mind reader. You also said, "Be sexual when you're alone," as though this is common sense, and to me it implies that you're saying PDAs–even very subtle ones hidden under a table–are not ok. Yeah, i could see where this could be take. out of context. But he again was not sharing affection, he was making a bid for attention because of his negative emotional mood and expected something in return. He admits all that. And in the end , when she failed to meet his expectations (unspoken) she got the talking to, and was criticized for being cold. This partner is in the position of having to perform according to his expectations or get the talk. Once she almost got The Talk on the way to a birthday event she had planned for him. His timing is absolutely inappropriate, and his neediness is unchecked and over the top with regard to his expectation and what he says to her if it isn't met. It's been a pattern and he repeatedly admits he should talk to her another way and she repeatedly tells him she feels criticized. So he was pointed in the direction of addressing his own issues. I stand by what I said although I am sure some will disagree, but that's within bounds for sure. He has what he thinks is a DA partner so some perspectives will vary. I can relate to her reactions and let him know why. It would be kind of silly,, in my mind, if this were about one little advance. That's not it at all it's about the big picture of his anxious dynamic. It's interesting, as an FA I can empathize a lot with both DAs and APs. Sometimes my perception is that DAs on the board sometimes appear to act like being DA is the right way to be and get highly defensive of the DAs that APs post about, while vilifying the AP poster. I know being DA can sure feel like it is right/wise/healthy to some DAs, as multiple DAs I know IRL have told me they actually see DA as the "best" attachment type and that they think the only real problem with it is people getting upset with them over their DA-ness or not understanding them and their choices. I may have missed it, but I didn't even see toorational say anywhere that he criticized his gf for not reciprocating his leg touch or that he brought that up with her. He just mentioned it to the forum as an example among a number of things that he took as little signs that she is being distant. Give the guy a break. Who knows if she even had anywhere near as much of a problem with him touching her leg as you did. Sounds like she just feels attacked and defensive any time he mentions perceiving her as distant/cold. mrob and happyidiot - Before you read a few threads on a post and react, you would have to go back and read ALL the posts by toorational to get the whole picture of their relationship dynamic. @sherry and I were commenting and drawing conclusions based on the poster’s comments from the beginning. He was fearful he was scaring his partner away- Sherry and I agreed with that based on all his numerous examples of acting AP triggered. I’m AP and he would turn me avoidant in the relationship. Absolutely nothing to do with a hand on a leg at a dinner party- I love when my partner shows me affection and would’ve been completely fine with that. That wasn’t the point. It’s his reactions, unrealistic expectations, emotional tantrums and prodding OVERALL that are unhealthy in the relationship. He’s seeking constant validation. Coming from a guy or a girl- that gets old. After you read all his posts you’d have a better understanding of the relationship dynamic. He’s AP. He needs to develop his self-love. I read most of the thread. I agree with a lot of what you just said. I still think some of the responses in that thread were harsh and sound kind of shaming. mrob and I were sharing how we are terrified of rejection and of being made to feel ashamed for desiring affection and sex. I might have missed it, but I didn't see anyone chastizing toorational for wishing his gf laughed at his jokes. But a little thigh touch is picked out as "sexual" and wildly inappropriate? happyidiot - Yes, sexual advances are more than welcome and appreciated by my partner, as stated before. They make me feel loved and desired. No one appreciates touch more than me. My love language is touch with only time as a much distant second. I am AP and most AP’s have touch as their primary love language. I wasn’t criticizing his advances just his expectations/neediness attached to them. If you think my words were harsh, I was trying to help a fellow AP out who is obviously here bc his relationship is struggling. I wanted to be clear and concise. Anxiety kills relationships. No one is more anxious than an AP. When I give advice, I’m not biased bc the poster is AP or avoidant. Open forum and my intention was to give toorational food for thought and from the POV of a self-aware AP. If you disagreed, you might want to give him advice you find helpful.
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