Post by hop on Jul 12, 2019 17:12:34 GMT
Hi everybody,I've been reading you here for a couple of weeks as I just discovered about the different attachments type. Going through a break up at the moment,I realised I'm a textbook anxious preoccupied. I had a wonderful 10 months relationship with F, we started just as friends for about 2 months, we would spend a lot of time together, never running out of discussion. We both talked about our fear to get in a relationship, I never had anything very long and she was getting out of an 11 years relationship.
Eventually after 2 months we got together, everything was going so smoothly, talks, activity, social life and sex.
After 3 months I noticed a first withdraw, she was telling me she felt stuck in her carrier, put physical distance as I was too much, and the weight of it would make her feel gulty. We still had good time after that, but after few weeks she would always withdraw, leaving me feeling abandoned which would trigger me in asking more and more and we kept this vicious circle going until my protest behaviour became totally out of hand (broke my hand, alcool involved). Even that we kept seeing each other everyday, I could feel the distance getting bigger and bigger, until I could not take it anymore and went to ask if we were actually breaking up or working on understanding each other better.
Break up was the answer, even if I could see she was on the edge of crying.
We have been seeing each other almost everyday since (it's been 2 weeks), I'm reading a lot about attachment type, shared my reading with her, and even that she can relate to the avoidant side, I feel like all her answers are deactivation strategy and excuses, I know that my AP style is probably what make me want so bad to understand and fix this relation, but I cannot help thinking there is something good behind all these patterns.
We leave in a very small city and evolve in the same social group and our respective home are 300 meters away.
It's been few days I'm having mix feelings about the best thing to do, staying in touch as I know she has feelings for me, or cut contact even if I know we will run in each other pretty much every day.
I neglect my self (lost 5 kilos, drink a lot, cannot sleep, don't take care of my house), I can see the same in her even if at least she can stay focus on her work and her living space, which is not my case.
I don't know if I really seek for advices or just need to let it out, also I live in a foreign country, no family here, very few/no friends really available to talk with.
Messy post, pretty new to being aware about attachment style and not sure what are healthy reactions and activation strategy.
It's feel good to read you guys/girls, really wishing to get better with myself and in my romantic relationship.
English is not my mother tongue! Hope this is still understandable!
Eventually after 2 months we got together, everything was going so smoothly, talks, activity, social life and sex.
After 3 months I noticed a first withdraw, she was telling me she felt stuck in her carrier, put physical distance as I was too much, and the weight of it would make her feel gulty. We still had good time after that, but after few weeks she would always withdraw, leaving me feeling abandoned which would trigger me in asking more and more and we kept this vicious circle going until my protest behaviour became totally out of hand (broke my hand, alcool involved). Even that we kept seeing each other everyday, I could feel the distance getting bigger and bigger, until I could not take it anymore and went to ask if we were actually breaking up or working on understanding each other better.
Break up was the answer, even if I could see she was on the edge of crying.
We have been seeing each other almost everyday since (it's been 2 weeks), I'm reading a lot about attachment type, shared my reading with her, and even that she can relate to the avoidant side, I feel like all her answers are deactivation strategy and excuses, I know that my AP style is probably what make me want so bad to understand and fix this relation, but I cannot help thinking there is something good behind all these patterns.
We leave in a very small city and evolve in the same social group and our respective home are 300 meters away.
It's been few days I'm having mix feelings about the best thing to do, staying in touch as I know she has feelings for me, or cut contact even if I know we will run in each other pretty much every day.
I neglect my self (lost 5 kilos, drink a lot, cannot sleep, don't take care of my house), I can see the same in her even if at least she can stay focus on her work and her living space, which is not my case.
I don't know if I really seek for advices or just need to let it out, also I live in a foreign country, no family here, very few/no friends really available to talk with.
Messy post, pretty new to being aware about attachment style and not sure what are healthy reactions and activation strategy.
It's feel good to read you guys/girls, really wishing to get better with myself and in my romantic relationship.
English is not my mother tongue! Hope this is still understandable!