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Post by isildur4797 on Jul 15, 2019 4:53:27 GMT
A little different, since we were only casually seeing each other This girl and I knew each other for the past 2-3 years and got close at the end of our senior spring semester, before starting to hook up too. We had this really good connection, that kind of came out of now where - I'd actually never fallen for anyone so quickly and so hard before. We'd been talking since our graduation, and agreed to casually see each other, a LOT at first, then a lot less, and a little more again in the last week and a half, but we hadn't seen each other since graduation.
While I was supposed to see her about a week and a half ago, she broke things off two weeks saying she wasn't into me, even though she wanted to stay friends. She made that very clear when we started doing things before, as well. Unfortunately for me, I got trapped in the town where she's living now, our college town, and had to crash on her couch for two nights while my phone was also broken (no other options, trust me). We ended up having a bad conversation on my second night, in which I insulted, unintentionally but understandably. things got kind of awkward after that.
Now i find myself worried about whether or not we're "cool" or if we're going to be ok as friends. If maybe I should just not talk to her at all for a while, like withdraw a little bit. I originally intended to do that -- ended up having an emergency, related to last week, and needed help with that so I had to reach out. But her responses have been very poignant, if that makes any sense. I'm just letting it mess with me...and I'm not sure this is even worth doing.
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Post by tnr9 on Jul 15, 2019 10:16:31 GMT
A little different, since we were only casually seeing each other This girl and I knew each other for the past 2-3 years and got close at the end of our senior spring semester, before starting to hook up too. We had this really good connection, that kind of came out of now where - I'd actually never fallen for anyone so quickly and so hard before. We'd been talking since our graduation, and agreed to casually see each other, a LOT at first, then a lot less, and a little more again in the last week and a half, but we hadn't seen each other since graduation. While I was supposed to see her about a week and a half ago, she broke things off two weeks saying she wasn't into me, even though she wanted to stay friends. She made that very clear when we started doing things before, as well. Unfortunately for me, I got trapped in the town where she's living now, our college town, and had to crash on her couch for two nights while my phone was also broken (no other options, trust me). We ended up having a bad conversation on my second night, in which I insulted, unintentionally but understandably. things got kind of awkward after that. Now i find myself worried about whether or not we're "cool" or if we're going to be ok as friends. If maybe I should just not talk to her at all for a while, like withdraw a little bit. I originally intended to do that -- ended up having an emergency, related to last week, and needed help with that so I had to reach out. But her responses have been very poignant, if that makes any sense. I'm just letting it mess with me...and I'm not sure this is even worth doing. Friendship can be rough....especially if you still have feelings for her. Personally, I would recommend getting very clear about what your true intentions are in maintaining a friendship...do you hope her feelings will change? Do you hope your feelings will change? At this point, the best advice I can give you is to be your own advocate....if the friendship is not working and you are being triggered a lot...then let the friendship go. If you choose to maintain the friendship, then it will require a lot of work on your part to address any triggers that arise. I am (by my own choosing) maintaining a friendship with a guy that I still have very strong feelings for....but we both care about each other. It is not easy at all....jealous thoughts, desire, misunderstandings abound in me....but I am choosing to own my side of the fence and sit with some incredibly intense feelings. |
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Post by isildur4797 on Jul 16, 2019 4:03:12 GMT
A little different, since we were only casually seeing each other This girl and I knew each other for the past 2-3 years and got close at the end of our senior spring semester, before starting to hook up too. We had this really good connection, that kind of came out of now where - I'd actually never fallen for anyone so quickly and so hard before. We'd been talking since our graduation, and agreed to casually see each other, a LOT at first, then a lot less, and a little more again in the last week and a half, but we hadn't seen each other since graduation. While I was supposed to see her about a week and a half ago, she broke things off two weeks saying she wasn't into me, even though she wanted to stay friends. She made that very clear when we started doing things before, as well. Unfortunately for me, I got trapped in the town where she's living now, our college town, and had to crash on her couch for two nights while my phone was also broken (no other options, trust me). We ended up having a bad conversation on my second night, in which I insulted, unintentionally but understandably. things got kind of awkward after that. Now i find myself worried about whether or not we're "cool" or if we're going to be ok as friends. If maybe I should just not talk to her at all for a while, like withdraw a little bit. I originally intended to do that -- ended up having an emergency, related to last week, and needed help with that so I had to reach out. But her responses have been very poignant, if that makes any sense. I'm just letting it mess with me...and I'm not sure this is even worth doing. Friendship can be rough....especially if you still have feelings for her. Personally, I would recommend getting very clear about what your true intentions are in maintaining a friendship...do you hope her feelings will change? Do you hope your feelings will change? At this point, the best advice I can give you is to be your own advocate....if the friendship is not working and you are being triggered a lot...then let the friendship go. If you choose to maintain the friendship, then it will require a lot of work on your part to address any triggers that arise. I am (by my own choosing) maintaining a friendship with a guy that I still have very strong feelings for....but we both care about each other. It is not easy at all....jealous thoughts, desire, misunderstandings abound in me....but I am choosing to own my side of the fence and sit with some incredibly intense feelings. I mean, and I'm sure you've read, she's not into me. At all. And I pissed her off. Presumably a lot. I mean, I still have some feelings for her, but I know want to be friends. Like I WANT that. we have a lot of fun together. Something she has personally affirmed. I guess my big worry, however, is if we're still gonna be good friends... or if I've ruined that. And its hard to answer a question like that, especially since I gave so little info. But it would be really great if you could give your opinion... Otherwise, I understand that situation. And have had them move on. Fairly quickly too. |
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Post by alexandra on Jul 16, 2019 6:08:32 GMT
isildur4797, give her space. Take the focus off her, put it on yourself. It's okay if you don't jump into a close friendship immediately. You'll do better if you can let go a bit and not put pressure on the two of you, and then you can organically repair through having fun together once that tension has dissipated. But right now you're trying to force a friendship before you are ready for your side of it, so it sounds like you keep bringing up conversation topics she doesn't want to deal with. She'll get tired of it if you're doing the anxious-avoidant dance, so if you really want to be friends you have to look at your side and attend to yourself so you don't create that dynamic.
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Post by isildur4797 on Jul 16, 2019 19:56:20 GMT
isildur4797 , give her space. Take the focus off her, put it on yourself. It's okay if you don't jump into a close friendship immediately. You'll do better if you can let go a bit and not put pressure on the two of you, and then you can organically repair through having fun together once that tension has dissipated. But right now you're trying to force a friendship before you are ready for your side of it, so it sounds like you keep bringing up conversation topics she doesn't want to deal with. She'll get tired of it if you're doing the anxious-avoidant dance, so if you really want to be friends you have to look at your side and attend to yourself so you don't create that dynamic. That's a wonderful answer, honestly. I'm not really talking to her - haven't in a few days. I just feel embarrassed about how I acted one weekend. I mean, we really only had that one conversation (the times she mentioned I brought it up in an offhand kind of way, and never made a thing out of it - had no idea she was bothered until she literally told me), but looking back there were other times I said things. Things that I said, and wasn't honest about what they were at the time. And Im worried that maybe those didn't help... That's very fair - I just have had a hard time not thinking about what I did wrong. I'll work on the dynamic though and working on myself so that I can move on. That's a big step, I know... |
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