FA's seeking out older women.

hola
Junior Member

Posts: 61

FA's seeking out older women. Jul 23, 2019 17:49:15 GMT

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Post by hola on Jul 23, 2019 17:49:15 GMT

so y'all know I'm FA and I just ended an almost 2 yr relationship w/another FA.

So last night I'm watching the show Two and Half Men, and I'm watching Charlie Harper in therapy (Classic dismissive avoidant? fearful avoidant?). At that time he was dating a much older woman and the therapist goes on to tell him that the reason he was dating an older woman was because of the love he didn't get from his mother and he was looking to replace her.

OMG I had an aha moment! My ex FA mentioned to me (early on in the relationship) that most of his relationships (especially when he was younger, he's 50 now, I'm 52) were always w/women that were a lot older than him. Like 10-15 yrs older.....but I didn't really think any of it, til now.

So was he also looking to replace his mother? Anyone has information on this, I haven't seen any threads on this topic.

I always thought his issues were more w/his father since he was a raging alcoholic. But now that I'm finding out all this, he's exactly a Charlie Harper.

I'd just like to understand this so I can have some compassion for him and so next time I know what's going on.

Deleted Deleted Member Posts: 0	FA's seeking out older women. Jul 23, 2019 17:54:32 GMT hola likes this Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Back to Top Post by Deleted on Jul 23, 2019 17:54:32 GMT It's a possibility. But I think until his seeks therapy only his therapist and himself can make that statement. Everyone is different.

Helsbells
Senior Member

Posts: 358

FA's seeking out older women. Jul 23, 2019 21:06:10 GMT via mobile hola likes this

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Post by Helsbells on Jul 23, 2019 21:06:10 GMT

Jul 23, 2019 17:49:15 GMT hola said:

so y'all know I'm FA and I just ended an almost 2 yr relationship w/another FA.

So last night I'm watching the show Two and Half Men, and I'm watching Charlie Harper in therapy (Classic dismissive avoidant? fearful avoidant?). At that time he was dating a much older woman and the therapist goes on to tell him that the reason he was dating an older woman was because of the love he didn't get from his mother and he was looking to replace her.

OMG I had an aha moment! My ex FA mentioned to me (early on in the relationship) that most of his relationships (especially when he was younger, he's 50 now, I'm 52) were always w/women that were a lot older than him. Like 10-15 yrs older.....but I didn't really think any of it, til now.

So was he also looking to replace his mother? Anyone has information on this, I haven't seen any threads on this topic.

I always thought his issues were more w/his father since he was a raging alcoholic. But now that I'm finding out all this, he's exactly a Charlie Harper.

I'd just like to understand this so I can have some compassion for him and so next time I know what's going on.

I'm 10yrs older than my fa. He told me he would die for his mother. Not sure what he means as in the 18mths I've known him I've never met her. I always thought his fa might be a result from his very controling father... interesting.

serenity
Honored Contributor

Posts: 771

FA's seeking out older women. Jul 24, 2019 4:58:19 GMT mrob and hola like this

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Post by serenity on Jul 24, 2019 4:58:19 GMT

They might have just clicked well? Plus being more experienced, may have made the women more patient with his issues? Motherly female figures can be younger or older, its more a personality type. And many men do look for the familiarity of a mother figure, not to be mothered as such, but because that was his first imprint of a woman's love. Same goes for us with male figures...we click best with whats familiar, especially people who remind us of our parents.

Have to say I have noticed people with attachments difficulties are a lot more open to picking women for their emotional worth. That can mean choosing women who are not classic beauties, and participating in age gap relationships. I had this one semi long term FA partner who was simply gorgeous, and he had loved women significantly older, very large women, and very plain women.

Last Edit: Jul 24, 2019 4:59:43 GMT by serenity

hannah99
Full Member

Posts: 196

FA's seeking out older women. Jul 24, 2019 7:20:48 GMT via mobile hola likes this

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Post by hannah99 on Jul 24, 2019 7:20:48 GMT

My ex has this really weird hang up where if I tried to support him he'd say 'you're not my mother!' Like he would get funny about anything that could be perceived as motherly. Never experienced that with other exes.

Post by hola on Jul 23, 2019 17:49:15 GMT

Post by Deleted on Jul 23, 2019 17:54:32 GMT

Post by Helsbells on Jul 23, 2019 21:06:10 GMT

Post by serenity on Jul 24, 2019 4:58:19 GMT

Post by hannah99 on Jul 24, 2019 7:20:48 GMT