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Post by nyc718 on Aug 12, 2019 18:44:30 GMT
I wrote about my DA ex who, after more reading about attachment styles, I now think he's more FA than DA, and I would fall on FA though much more functioning, as I have been in and out of therapy for years in an effort to be proactive about my own life and damage.
Now that I have a better understanding of him and us, I have nothing but compassion for him, I no longer feel angry at him. I know he's struggling in not just the area of love, but in just about every area where there's a relationship -job, friends, just life.
I have two shirts of his that I want to send to him since I know there's no point in asking to meet and exchange them. Would it be ok to write a note something along the lines of "just because things didn't work out, I hope it doesn't mean we have to be enemies. I will never regret the time spent with you. If you need a friend, I am here."
No expectations of a reply or anything as I know he needs his space. I don't want him to think that I have any hard feelings, if he cares at all. But for me and my peace of mind, I'd like him to know that no matter how it went down, I accept what we had as part of my journey with no ill will or malice, as painful as it was. A former version of me would have had to vilify him in order to make sense of the pain I felt, but at this point, I learned from it all. I know it wasn't intentional on his part just as much as it wasn't intentional on my part to make him feel uncomfortable.
Can anyone give me some constructive thoughts about this? Thank you.
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Post by alexandra on Aug 12, 2019 18:51:29 GMT
I think that sounds like great closure for you. Keep it very short and positive, and make sure to really mean whatever you say. I wouldn't mention "enemies", as he may take it as you're thinking of him as an enemy. Even though things didn't work out romantically, I'm still your friend if you ever need anything.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 12, 2019 18:51:43 GMT
I would leave things alone. Any further contact may lead him to retreat even further. Give him space and get on with your own life.
Focus on your attachment style.
If he wishes to get in contact, he will.
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Post by nyc718 on Aug 12, 2019 19:55:19 GMT
I would leave things alone. Any further contact may lead him to retreat even further. Give him space and get on with your own life. Focus on your attachment style. If he wishes to get in contact, he will.
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Post by nyc718 on Aug 12, 2019 19:56:57 GMT
I would leave things alone. Any further contact may lead him to retreat even further. Give him space and get on with your own life. Focus on your attachment style. If he wishes to get in contact, he will. So send the shirts and no note would be better, in your opinion?
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Post by nyc718 on Aug 12, 2019 19:59:15 GMT
I think that sounds like great closure for you. Keep it very short and positive, and make sure to really mean whatever you say. I wouldn't mention "enemies", as he may take it as you're thinking of him as an enemy. Even though things didn't work out romantically, I'm still your friend if you ever need anything. You're right, I won't say enemies. Thank you.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 12, 2019 20:03:55 GMT
If you have an idea on what you want to do. Just do it!
I'm puzzled on why you need reassurance on whether to do it.
You asked for opinions. I gave you mine.
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Post by nyc718 on Aug 12, 2019 20:09:13 GMT
If you have an idea on what you want to do. Just do it! I'm puzzled on why you need reassurance on whether to do it. You asked for opinions. I gave you mine. Um, I'm asking because I want to be sensitive to him as I do care about him. I don't actually "need" your reassurance more than just asking an opinion, no needto overthink it. I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't it seems with you.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 12, 2019 20:13:19 GMT
Did I say you need my reassurance??
No. I don't think so.
You sound like you want to send it with a note. Then do it!
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Post by nyc718 on Aug 12, 2019 20:27:41 GMT
Did I say you need my reassurance?? No. I don't think so. You sound like you want to send it with a note. Then do it! Did I say I need assurance from anyone?? No. I don't think so. Was I looking for your opinion specifically? Absolutely not. You are a very defensive, inflexible, black and white/ no shades of grey thinker who needs to be right. How about you just not reply to any of my posts? No love lost on either side. 👍
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Post by Deleted on Aug 12, 2019 20:33:09 GMT
Absolutely no problem at all.
Good luck with your situation.
Try to acknowledge and respect other people's opinions which you asked for. If you can't handle one, then don't ask for them.
Thick skinned? Yeah whatever! Lol.
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Post by hannah99 on Aug 12, 2019 20:35:02 GMT
Think you're being a bit harsh here @thatright
Breakups are confusing and awash with emotions, the original poster is bound to be looking for reassurance and feedback.
My advice is to do what you think is right but always give yourself a couple of days to calmly mull over your decision.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 12, 2019 20:37:58 GMT
Think you're being a bit harsh here @thatright Breakups are confusing and awash with emotions, the original poster is bound to be looking for reassurance and feedback. My advice is to do what you think is right but always give yourself a couple of days to calmly mull over your decision. Can you please tell me how I'm being harsh? Opinions were asked. I gave an honest one. Actually don't. I don't care for this toxic crap.
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Post by nyc718 on Aug 12, 2019 20:38:19 GMT
Absolutely no problem at all. Good luck with your situation. Try to acknowledge and respect other people's opinions which you asked for. If you can't handle one, then don't ask for them. Thick skinned? Yeah whatever! Yeah, good luck to you to maybe just not overthink or take questions so personally and thereby answering in such a low key hostile manner. And yes, thick skinned because I don't know you to care about you. Peace out.
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Post by nyc718 on Aug 12, 2019 20:40:10 GMT
Think you're being a bit harsh here @thatright Breakups are confusing and awash with emotions, the original poster is bound to be looking for reassurance and feedback. My advice is to do what you think is right but always give yourself a couple of days to calmly mull over your decision. Thanks, I truly was just asking for feedback from anyone who has more experience in this.
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