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Post by Deleted on Aug 12, 2019 20:41:21 GMT
Absolutely no problem at all. Good luck with your situation. Try to acknowledge and respect other people's opinions which you asked for. If you can't handle one, then don't ask for them. Thick skinned? Yeah whatever! Yeah, good luck to you to maybe just not overthink or take questions so personally and thereby answering in such a low key hostile manner. And yes, thick skinned because I don't know you to care about you. Peace out. I'll take this advice from someone who has been so polite since they arrived here on this forum. I'll do that indeed.
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Post by nyc718 on Aug 12, 2019 20:48:41 GMT
Yeah, good luck to you to maybe just not overthink or take questions so personally and thereby answering in such a low key hostile manner. And yes, thick skinned because I don't know you to care about you. Peace out. I'll take this advice from someone who has been so polite since they arrived here on this forum. I'll do that indeed. Serious question: do you feel personally attacked, as if I was directing my original question to you?
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Post by Deleted on Aug 12, 2019 21:00:26 GMT
I'll take this advice from someone who has been so polite since they arrived here on this forum. I'll do that indeed. Serious question: do you feel personally attacked, as if I was directing my original question to you? You posted this thread asking for opinions. I gave you one. Not out of spite but an open and honest one. I was not being hostile or rude. You took offense to it. I pointed out that you seem sure on what you want to do but as you seemed to go ahead to ask others opinions which most likely is to reassure your decision. I'd advised for you to go ahead and stick with your decision. You get defensive. Start to insult me. And I'm the one who supposely feels personally attacked. That's wierd. You clearly can't handle strong opinions and act over the top in response. Good luck on whether decision you chose. I'm done with your toxic weirdness.
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Post by nyc718 on Aug 12, 2019 21:20:26 GMT
Serious question: do you feel personally attacked, as if I was directing my original question to you? You posted this thread asking for opinions. I gave you one. Not out of spite but an open and honest one. I was not being hostile or rude. You took offense to it. I pointed out that you seem sure on what you want to do but as you seemed to go ahead to ask others opinions which most likely is to reassure your decision. I'd advised for you to go ahead and stick with your decision. You get defensive. Start to insult me. And I'm the one who supposely feels personally attacked. That's wierd. You clearly can't handle strong opinions and act over the top in response. Good luck on whether decision you chose. I'm done with your toxic weirdness. "You seem" are the operative words here. To be clear: I was asking for feedback on the content of the note. When I asked if I should sent the shirts without a note, you could not reply yes or no or why. Your reply was defensive and you got called out on that by someone else. And as far as being done with the "toxic weirdness", the feeling is mutual. I hope to not hear from you again on any of my posts. You are not constructive or helpful at all.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 12, 2019 21:42:50 GMT
If you had read my original reply you would clearly see in my message that I was advising you to move forward and not to make contact. To give him space and for you to focus on yourself.
My reply was not picked from someone else as being defensive but it was described as being harsh. There is a huge difference in being defensive and being harsh.
Gladly I will not provide you with any further advice. You clearly can't handle strong people's opinions and start attacking them in the process because you don't like what you hear. If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen.
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Post by nyc718 on Aug 12, 2019 22:09:44 GMT
If you had read my original reply you would clearly see in my message that I was advising you to move forward and not to make contact. To give him space and for you to focus on yourself. My reply was not picked from someone else as being defensive but it was described as being harsh. There is a huge difference in being defensive and being harsh. Gladly I will not provide you with any further advice. You clearly can't handle strong people's opinions and start attacking them in the process because you don't like what you hear. If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen. I so look forward to not hearing from you in the future!
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Post by tnr9 on Aug 12, 2019 22:38:54 GMT
Do you need to return the shirts or can you simply hold on to them and if he does not contact you...you can donate them. The only reason I ask about sending him the shirts now is because I think it may be too soon to reach out with an olive branch of support and it might appear to him as you are fishing for contact (even though you are not). That is just my opinion though. Maybe mrob could provide some thoughts on the matter. He does have good advice.
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Post by mrob on Aug 13, 2019 1:00:26 GMT
My goodness, what a thread! My personal opinion is that if he wants the shirts that badly, he’ll make contact. It could also be a way of starting contact again when he circles. These are things to keep in mind, but more importantly your peace of mind. I think send them back without a note. Communication breaks no contact.
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Post by nyc718 on Aug 13, 2019 1:00:31 GMT
Do you need to return the shirts or can you simply hold on to them and if he does not contact you...you can donate them. The only reason I ask about sending him the shirts now is because I think it may be too soon to reach out with an olive branch of support and it might appear to him as you are fishing for contact (even though you are not). That is just my opinion though. Maybe mrob could provide some thoughts on the matter. He does have good advice. Thanks for the feedback. Hmm.. I kind of want to return them because they are his that he bought with his hard earned money that he could use, you know? And to be honest, I am actively trying to move on, so I want them out of my place, as the reminder is kind of hard for me. I mean, if he thinks I'm fishing for contact and he doesn't want it, well, we're not in contact now anyway. I don't feel like I can lose more with him. I truly have no expectations from him. I would love to be friends with him as I have given up hope of being with him as a couple, but even still, I am not holding my breath. I want to be sensitive to him, but I want to be true to myself too, and that is to release him, let him go, let go of the "stuff" that triggers me and we both move on. I don't want him to think I didn't return his things and I am holding on to them, because I don't want to hold on any more. But thanks for giving me something to think about, and I will consider it before I make a final move.
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Post by nyc718 on Aug 13, 2019 1:05:56 GMT
My goodness, what a thread! My personal opinion is that if he wants the shirts that badly, he’ll make contact. It could also be a way of starting contact again when he circles. These are things to keep in mind, but more importantly your peace of mind. I think send them back without a note. Communication breaks no contact. Thanks for the feedback! I didn't see this before I replied below. I said below I kind of want them out of my place for my peace of mind. I mean, if he wants to circle back, he will, right, shirts or not? But I can't really hold on to the hope of him circling back because that hinders me from moving forward. I am releasing him fully. If it's meant to be, it will be, I feel like. Oh, I forgot to mention, I already broke no contact by telling him that I was going to be sending them and to keep an eye out for them. The packages sent to his building are just left on the floor, so I wanted him to know. I don't care about no contact anymore, I have given up on him and us. I didn't expect a reply and I didn't get one, nor am I holding my breath for any. I can't have hope anymore for us. That's just what I need to do to move on. But thank you again for the feedback.
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Post by kisstheviolets on Aug 13, 2019 1:14:08 GMT
Honestly, just don’t do it. I know exactly how you feel but it’s just not something that is the best for YOU.
If he wants the shirts he will reach out. Just don’t be the first. You owe it to yourself.
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Post by nyc718 on Aug 13, 2019 1:47:55 GMT
Honestly, just don’t do it. I know exactly how you feel but it’s just not something that is the best for YOU. If he wants the shirts he will reach out. Just don’t be the first. You owe it to yourself. I already texted him that I would be sending them But why wouldn't it be best for me? I have no expectations of ever getting back together with him... Thanks.
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Post by kisstheviolets on Aug 13, 2019 2:02:27 GMT
Honestly, just don’t do it. I know exactly how you feel but it’s just not something that is the best for YOU. If he wants the shirts he will reach out. Just don’t be the first. You owe it to yourself. I already texted him that I would be sending them But why wouldn't it be best for me? I have no expectations of ever getting back together with him... Thanks. It’s best because you have to be done giving him any chance of hurting your feelings. These types of things are ways to hang on. Please know I’m not judging you. Ive a box full of a mans musical mementos that I feel for sure I hang on yo out of some deep seated way to have a thread to him. I should burn them 😊
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Post by nyc718 on Aug 13, 2019 2:30:49 GMT
I already texted him that I would be sending them But why wouldn't it be best for me? I have no expectations of ever getting back together with him... Thanks. It’s best because you have to be done giving him any chance of hurting your feelings. These types of things are ways to hang on. Please know I’m not judging you. Ive a box full of a mans musical mementos that I feel for sure I hang on yo out of some deep seated way to have a thread to him. I should burn them 😊 I'm a little confused, I'm sorry. What do you mean done giving him chances to hurt my feelings? I feel like my feelings have been as hurt as they can be, and I am trying to move forward and heal from him. I don't want anything more from him. I don't want his shirts, but I care enough about him to give them back to him, I wish him no ill will. I don't want any more connection to him because that would hinder me from moving on, and I can't hold on to something that's pretty much hopeless to me. I feel like if he wants to contact me, he knows how to, but I am not waiting around for him to. It's almost two months, and the more time that goes by, the less I miss him and the stronger I feel. I was a mess a few weeks ago, but I know at some point I won't miss him anymore. That's how it always has been with any relationship that's ended for me. No one wants a one-sided relationship, and I can't be the only one who loves in a relationship. I have so much to give, but if someone doesn't want it or can't receive it, I let them go. I grieve them and then I move forward step by step.
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Post by kisstheviolets on Aug 13, 2019 5:24:32 GMT
It’s best because you have to be done giving him any chance of hurting your feelings. These types of things are ways to hang on. Please know I’m not judging you. Ive a box full of a mans musical mementos that I feel for sure I hang on yo out of some deep seated way to have a thread to him. I should burn them 😊 I'm a little confused, I'm sorry. What do you mean done giving him chances to hurt my feelings? I feel like my feelings have been as hurt as they can be, and I am trying to move forward and heal from him. I don't want anything more from him. I don't want his shirts, but I care enough about him to give them back to him, I wish him no ill will. I don't want any more connection to him because that would hinder me from moving on, and I can't hold on to something that's pretty much hopeless to me. I feel like if he wants to contact me, he knows how to, but I am not waiting around for him to. It's almost two months, and the more time that goes by, the less I miss him and the stronger I feel. I was a mess a few weeks ago, but I know at some point I won't miss him anymore. That's how it always has been with any relationship that's ended for me. No one wants a one-sided relationship, and I can't be the only one who loves in a relationship. I have so much to give, but if someone doesn't want it or can't receive it, I let them go. I grieve them and then I move forward step by step. [ I got ya. Let us know what happens! Hugs to you and hoping you get to that point as quickly as possible.
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