Post by dann98 on Aug 20, 2019 18:19:07 GMT
Hello guys,
It's been more than a year since I've posted and since the breakup with my avoidant (possibly narcissistic) ex. I've lost so much due to this relationship. I'm very lonely and depressed at the moment and it's very hard for me to see the light of day. I've no support. My family would be the last place I'd turn to, my father actually mocked me and minimized the situation last year just minutes before I broke up with her. I feel ashamed to talk to the few friends I have after so long, I mean who would still dwell on an ex? I cut contact with our mutual friend group after the breakup and losing so many people at once together with her just brought me to my knees. I'm very socially anxious and find it so hard to make new friends. I've lost so much it's become unbearable and the remaining friendships I have are withering due to me being so depressed / disconnected all the time. It feels worse than last year when the breakup was fresh.
I recently found out she's been dating another guy from the group and that she presumably had another short relationship in between, just after we broke up. It shattered me to find out about this guy. And the shame I have is too much, I barely carry myself around. This guy seems well adjusted, career and everything. We are old friends, haven't talked to him for many years... but still. I'm actually fearing it might actually work with him, then all the things she despised me for will have been real.
I shouted abuse on other boards and tried to convince myself I've been abused but I just can't validate it no matter what. I was needy and clingy and insecure and I will take responsibility for it. It doesn't matter why I've become that way with her anymore and I realize why these things would be a turn off even for a secure. But I have a question for the DA's here - would you go out of your way to hurt your partner when you're deactivating? I just can't get over the way she treated me, it was soul crushing to experience such behavior from a loved one. She played with my insecurities, was it just so she could get some space or was she actually enjoying it? I can't get over how I've been treated, it's so hard and I've lost so much... thinking what sort of family I grew up in it's no surprise I ended up in an abusive relationship. But I can't believe it was abusive and I'm placing all blame on myself.
I don't even know what I'm hoping to achieve by writing here, guess I just need a bit of validation since I'm invalidating myself enough already... Thank you for reading.
It's been more than a year since I've posted and since the breakup with my avoidant (possibly narcissistic) ex. I've lost so much due to this relationship. I'm very lonely and depressed at the moment and it's very hard for me to see the light of day. I've no support. My family would be the last place I'd turn to, my father actually mocked me and minimized the situation last year just minutes before I broke up with her. I feel ashamed to talk to the few friends I have after so long, I mean who would still dwell on an ex? I cut contact with our mutual friend group after the breakup and losing so many people at once together with her just brought me to my knees. I'm very socially anxious and find it so hard to make new friends. I've lost so much it's become unbearable and the remaining friendships I have are withering due to me being so depressed / disconnected all the time. It feels worse than last year when the breakup was fresh.
I recently found out she's been dating another guy from the group and that she presumably had another short relationship in between, just after we broke up. It shattered me to find out about this guy. And the shame I have is too much, I barely carry myself around. This guy seems well adjusted, career and everything. We are old friends, haven't talked to him for many years... but still. I'm actually fearing it might actually work with him, then all the things she despised me for will have been real.
I shouted abuse on other boards and tried to convince myself I've been abused but I just can't validate it no matter what. I was needy and clingy and insecure and I will take responsibility for it. It doesn't matter why I've become that way with her anymore and I realize why these things would be a turn off even for a secure. But I have a question for the DA's here - would you go out of your way to hurt your partner when you're deactivating? I just can't get over the way she treated me, it was soul crushing to experience such behavior from a loved one. She played with my insecurities, was it just so she could get some space or was she actually enjoying it? I can't get over how I've been treated, it's so hard and I've lost so much... thinking what sort of family I grew up in it's no surprise I ended up in an abusive relationship. But I can't believe it was abusive and I'm placing all blame on myself.
I don't even know what I'm hoping to achieve by writing here, guess I just need a bit of validation since I'm invalidating myself enough already... Thank you for reading.