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Post by tnr9 on Sept 13, 2019 13:27:35 GMT
Last night I was out to dinner with some friends and 1 who was at the beach with B was just catching me up. She said he arrived on Saturday and they hung out at the beach and went with a group to dinner and then she and his roommate left on Sunday but he stayed another day. And inside I just froze...I wanted to be happy for him, that he was making friends and having a good time and inside my throat was tight, my jaw was tight, my stomach was in knots and today I am in tears and I just don’t get it....i can’t piece together all the swirling thoughts in order to provide you with any adult explanation. And on top of all of that...I just feel foolish....it has been 2.5 years and he is now with someone else....so why am I still reacting this way? I have two opposing forces...the desire to still stay connected and be a good friend...and then there is this one....ugh.😕. Plus....I feel I now have cold symptoms and I did not have those yesterday....
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Post by lovebunny on Sept 13, 2019 14:05:24 GMT
Sorry you're feeling bad. I know when I start to get sick or very tired, my emotions get delicate too. Take care of your body first.
Is it possible to stop talking about B with your friends? Just don't ever say his name again, and if your friends try to talk to you about him, just change the subject, or if you need to, ask them not to.
You need to break those grooves in your brain that keep leading back to him. Not talking about him, not looking for him, not thinking about him. It's hard work, but you can do it, you don't have to feel like this anymore.
I hear you on how hard it is. I once obsessed for 3 years over a 5 month long "relationship." Breaking out of thinking about her and talking about her took a lot of willpower, but I did it.
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Post by tnr9 on Sept 13, 2019 14:17:15 GMT
Sorry you're feeling bad. I know when I start to get sick or very tired, my emotions get delicate too. Take care of your body first. Is it possible to stop talking about B with your friends? Just don't ever say his name again, and if your friends try to talk to you about him, just change the subject, or if you need to, ask them not to. You need to break those grooves in your brain that keep leading back to him. Not talking about him, not looking for him, not thinking about him. It's hard work, but you can do it, you don't have to feel like this anymore. I hear you on how hard it is. I once obsessed for 3 years over a 5 month long "relationship." Breaking out of thinking about her and talking about her took a lot of willpower, but I did it. Thanks Lovebunny...and I own the fact that I am torn.....I don’t really want to let him go if that makes any sense....I just want to hurry up and heal so that what he does doesn’t impact me. Put another way...I don’t want to lose him to gain me.....because I do really love him and to truly love someone means you are there for them and I just feel really cowardly by being this way. But you are also right that I am likely 2 of the halt....lonely and tired....possibly angry too...but thatis masked by a bunch of sadness at the moment. I do so appreciate the response. |
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Post by tnr9 on Sept 13, 2019 17:26:57 GMT
So the moment is over...I had a good cathartic cry....even the sick feelings are gone....I am taking half a day from work and just resting. I really appreciate everyone.
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Post by hannah99 on Sept 13, 2019 18:27:44 GMT
I felt like this. Like I would never get over him and feel ok and I didnt really want to. I really clung on to the idea of being friends.
It was nearly impossible to cut him off, but now I have I already realise I don't want or need him, even as friend.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 13, 2019 18:44:57 GMT
tnr9 - when do you start therapy?
Glad you're feeling better.
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Post by number9 on Sept 14, 2019 1:41:34 GMT
So the moment is over...I had a good cathartic cry....even the sick feelings are gone....I am taking half a day from work and just resting. I really appreciate everyone. Glad you're feeling better! Thanks for sharing your journey. It's inspiring!  |
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Post by tnr9 on Sept 14, 2019 3:46:54 GMT
tnr9 - when do you start therapy? Glad you're feeling better. I started this week...the therapist commented that I have had a lot of losses. She wants to spend 4 to 6 weeks just talking about things to assess the best course forward. |
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Post by kisstheviolets on Sept 15, 2019 2:47:20 GMT
Last night I was out to dinner with some friends and 1 who was at the beach with B was just catching me up. She said he arrived on Saturday and they hung out at the beach and went with a group to dinner and then she and his roommate left on Sunday but he stayed another day. And inside I just froze...I wanted to be happy for him, that he was making friends and having a good time and inside my throat was tight, my jaw was tight, my stomach was in knots and today I am in tears and I just don’t get it....i can’t piece together all the swirling thoughts in order to provide you with any adult explanation. And on top of all of that...I just feel foolish....it has been 2.5 years and he is now with someone else....so why am I still reacting this way? I have two opposing forces...the desire to still stay connected and be a good friend...and then there is this one....ugh.😕. Plus....I feel I now have cold symptoms and I did not have those yesterday.... Ouch. I felt this. Hugs to you. |
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