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Post by kisstheviolets on Sept 19, 2019 22:25:54 GMT
Curious, what is the longest length of time your FA took to cycle?
What measures have you seen your FA go to when trying to cycle back?
Edit* not a wishful thinking thought. I noticed today I get jealous of my high school sorta kinda boyfriend when I see him on Instagram with his wife!!!
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Post by happyidiot on Sept 22, 2019 7:04:32 GMT
kissthevioletsThis is hard to quantify, because the last time one of my FA exes (I'm also FA but often get pulled anxious, especially by exes who were more avoidant than me) contacted me I don't think I even replied. What do you count as a cycle back? Simple contact? Or acting romantic/sexual? Who knows what would have happened if I took that ex texting me as an invitation to reignite things and started pursuing him. I'm not sure how long it had been since we previously had any communication, nearly a year? Another one contacted me after 10 months. He invited me to dinner, only to disappear again soon after. Sometimes we FAs can simply be done forever, just because someone is FA doesn't mean they will keep coming back. For those that did "come back" as in contact me after a substantial time apart, they didn't go to very great lengths to reignite things. They just sent some vague texts and we only saw each other again if I jumped at the chance.
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Post by kisstheviolets on Sept 22, 2019 20:30:20 GMT
kisstheviolets This is hard to quantify, because the last time one of my FA exes (I'm also FA but often get pulled anxious, especially by exes who were more avoidant than me) contacted me I don't think I even replied. What do you count as a cycle back? Simple contact? Or acting romantic/sexual? Who knows what would have happened if I took that ex texting me as an invitation to reignite things and started pursuing him. I'm not sure how long it had been since we previously had any communication, nearly a year? Another one contacted me after 10 months. He invited me to dinner, only to disappear again soon after. Sometimes we FAs can simply be done forever, just because someone is FA doesn't mean they will keep coming back. For those that did "come back" as in contact me after a substantial time apart, they didn't go to very great lengths to reignite things. They just sent some vague texts and we only saw each other again if I jumped at the chance. You rock thank you! I would count any attempt to pull in. I am trying to assess for me what my cycles were like. I think I would be one to come back after a long period of time even if just to talk?? How about you? |
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Post by hannah99 on Sept 22, 2019 21:20:10 GMT
I've cycled back to exes from years ago. Usually when I'm sad or lonely. Either they ignore me or we go through a brief flirtation and then I lose interest.
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Post by dhali on Sept 23, 2019 1:15:29 GMT
Them ignoring you doesn’t trigger you more anxious?
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Post by hannah99 on Sept 24, 2019 16:19:30 GMT
Yeah but I generally I have too much pride to attempt contact again and with time forget about it. It really is rarely about them or anything to do with real feelings.
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Post by 8675309 on Sept 24, 2019 22:53:14 GMT
Roughly 3 months. Comes back like he never left chasing. We did not seen each other on his come backs every time.
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Post by stu on Sept 25, 2019 3:44:55 GMT
Roughly 3 months. Comes back like he never left chasing. We did not seen each other on his come backs every time. three months? Idk how someone can go that long and then turn around and feel the exact same way again out of nowhere. If I don't see or hear from someone for that long I generally forget more about things each day, and lose the sense of connection more and more. Maybe it's because it's suppressed and then rushes back to life? I guess it's different when you're just the one being ghosted lol |
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Post by 8675309 on Sept 25, 2019 11:55:01 GMT
Roughly 3 months. Comes back like he never left chasing. We did not seen each other on his come backs every time. three months? Idk how someone can go that long and then turn around and feel the exact same way again out of nowhere. If I don't see or hear from someone for that long I generally forget more about things each day, and lose the sense of connection more and more. Maybe it's because it's suppressed and then rushes back to life? I guess it's different when you're just the one being ghosted lol FAs feelings can be like that depending on how they are triggered. He could want to come back sooner but he just doesn't then reaches the breaking point. His point is about 3 months. Could just be he felt my energy gone or he feels he will loose me if he waits any longer. I don't try to understand it. LOL He doesn't even understand it, hes not self aware, only aware hes 'off'.
He ghosted and I just went on with my life like hes never coming back.
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Post by stu on Sept 25, 2019 14:17:52 GMT
three months? Idk how someone can go that long and then turn around and feel the exact same way again out of nowhere. If I don't see or hear from someone for that long I generally forget more about things each day, and lose the sense of connection more and more. Maybe it's because it's suppressed and then rushes back to life? I guess it's different when you're just the one being ghosted lol FAs feelings can be like that depending on how they are triggered. He could want to come back sooner but he just doesn't then reaches the breaking point. His point is about 3 months. Could just be he felt my energy gone or he feels he will loose me if he waits any longer. I don't try to understand it. LOL He doesn't even understand it, hes not self aware, only aware hes 'off'.
He ghosted and I just went on with my life like hes never coming back.
That's interesting I never knew it could be like that, I've been ghosted by a recent FA for more then a month. The longest since I've known her. And this time around I did everything right, and she got way closer to me and more vulnerable before suddenly pulling away. Where as before I screwed up a lot acted AP, and still she came around far quicker. This time around it had extremely little do with anythjng pertaining to me. I found that somewhat confusing. |
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Post by kisstheviolets on Sept 25, 2019 14:36:31 GMT
I have at some point in time, even after years, felt a pull back to all my ex's. I get jealous when they have moved on and they honestly are very meh about talking to me. I miss how eager they were for me.
True and terrible to say out loud.
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Post by dhali on Sept 25, 2019 17:14:20 GMT
Interesting... so you don’t have any ex’s that you were just done with after you broke up with them?
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Post by kisstheviolets on Sept 25, 2019 17:55:33 GMT
Interesting... so you don’t have any ex’s that you were just done with after you broke up with them? Hi:) Hmm if I were brutally honest with myself, at the time yes I was done. And didn't think twice about them, especially because I probably had a distraction lined up. A crush, a project, whatever because to me at that moment they were just annoying. BUT, eventually I would miss them and pine away ESPECIALLY when they moved on and I could tell they could give a shit about me. I literally think about them ALL at some point over the year. I see my high-school boyfriend who I TOTALLY ignored all the time and get sad and jealous and think why was I so stupid. Actually he had gotten a girlfriend about 2 years after we dated and I went into full chase mode. But he didn't take it. Sad. |
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Post by 8675309 on Sept 26, 2019 0:12:19 GMT
I have at some point in time, even after years, felt a pull back to all my ex's. I get jealous when they have moved on and they honestly are very meh about talking to me. I miss how eager they were for me. True and terrible to say out loud. At least you own it and recognize it.
I dont even know why mine tries to come back, specially since he dated others on his dip outs. Attachment or not, he does not think Im right for him. Why bother! LOL I swear I triggered him worse as a secure being open and honest with him. Im sure he finds me very boring, I dont bring drama/chaos in his life. I 'project' healthy behavior.
Frankly I dont know why I even attracted him at all, Im not his usual type, hes dated APs'.
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