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Post by stu on Sept 21, 2019 9:41:28 GMT
I am having a lot of difficulty feeling like I'm in a fog, feeling stressed out with racing thoughts and with my mind obsessing over things that happened/could happen with the recent FA I was seeing. I have some symptoms that make me feel AP but at the same time others that feel like I'm de toxing from a trauma bond or something.
I dated a BPD many years ago and the resulting aftermath left me a complete mess and with all the typical trauma bond symptoms. Though in a way I guess it was also what you call the FOG fear obligation and guilt. After a break up wirh a personality disordered person.
The FA situation was not as toxic but in a lot of other ways it re opened old wounds and also was potentially damaging as well. The extreme hot and coldness, stone walling, getting really close and feeling things are great and then getting ghosted our of nowhere, among other things.i don't think she was intentionally trying to be hurtful with any of it. It was just her defense mechanisms and traits of insecure attachment. Still to my brain it seemed to stir up a lot of distress, even though I knew what was going on and trying not to take any of it personally.
I feel the longer I have been without talking to the FA the more things I have realized have been triggered in me from the time with them. I feel less trusting of people, nervous about getting as close to others, and other things. I just notice all this stuff right now that never were there for me before. It's definitely a good experience to be able to see certain things though and try and work through them now.
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Post by serenity on Sept 21, 2019 17:57:42 GMT
I can relate very well Stu. I was involved with a severely affected BPD guy for 7 months (some time ago for me too), and that was easily the most emotionally traumatic relationship I've ever experienced. I think the trauma bond I experienced with him was extreme, because of the way he'd be the one to sooth the distress that he caused, and he was hyper sexual. So it really became a very classic trauma bonded situation. With my FA ex, he is so dismissive of emotions, and avoids/stonewalls as a response to any distress that his actions cause. So I'd experience the distress, but not as much of the soothing (and if I got it, it was delayed). Instead I would need to self sooth or rely on others. In a way, his lack of soothing has made exiting the situation a little easier, but I do consider this to have been a trauma bond. Just a less bonded one. I am glad to hear that you are starting to feel again. I've been starting to cry again on and off, and the anxiety has been gradually reducing. Its gonna take a few months, but it will get better. If I can recommend anything, please try to keep your perspective and know your self worth. You are a stand up, caring guy who will go the extra mile for people you love. You can do a lot of good in the world, and you are valuable. People like you need to choose your `people projects' wisely, because you can't ` do you', when you're being crippled by those closest to you. I know you picked her because of her love for you and the connection between you, but once you know someone is a `project' you've got to make those hard decisions  |
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Post by stu on Sept 25, 2019 14:56:37 GMT
I can relate very well Stu. I was involved with a severely affected BPD guy for 7 months (some time ago for me too), and that was easily the most emotionally traumatic relationship I've ever experienced. I think the trauma bond I experienced with him was extreme, because of the way he'd be the one to sooth the distress that he caused, and he was hyper sexual. So it really became a very classic trauma bonded situation. With my FA ex, he is so dismissive of emotions, and avoids/stonewalls as a response to any distress that his actions cause. So I'd experience the distress, but not as much of the soothing (and if I got it, it was delayed). Instead I would need to self sooth or rely on others. In a way, his lack of soothing has made exiting the situation a little easier, but I do consider this to have been a trauma bond. Just a less bonded one. I am glad to hear that you are starting to feel again. I've been starting to cry again on and off, and the anxiety has been gradually reducing. Its gonna take a few months, but it will get better. If I can recommend anything, please try to keep your perspective and know your self worth. You are a stand up, caring guy who will go the extra mile for people you love. You can do a lot of good in the world, and you are valuable. People like you need to choose your `people projects' wisely, because you can't ` do you', when you're being crippled by those closest to you. I know you picked her because of her love for you and the connection between you, but once you know someone is a `project' you've got to make those hard decisions Thanks Serenity I appreciate that kind words, and glad to hear you are doing better recently. And you are right you do have to make those hard decisions at some point. |
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Post by kisstheviolets on Sept 25, 2019 15:04:42 GMT
I am having a lot of difficulty feeling like I'm in a fog, feeling stressed out with racing thoughts and with my mind obsessing over things that happened/could happen with the recent FA I was seeing. I have some symptoms that make me feel AP but at the same time others that feel like I'm de toxing from a trauma bond or something. I dated a BPD many years ago and the resulting aftermath left me a complete mess and with all the typical trauma bond symptoms. Though in a way I guess it was also what you call the FOG fear obligation and guilt. After a break up wirh a personality disordered person. The FA situation was not as toxic but in a lot of other ways it re opened old wounds and also was potentially damaging as well. The extreme hot and coldness, stone walling, getting really close and feeling things are great and then getting ghosted our of nowhere, among other things.i don't think she was intentionally trying to be hurtful with any of it. It was just her defense mechanisms and traits of insecure attachment. Still to my brain it seemed to stir up a lot of distress, even though I knew what was going on and trying not to take any of it personally. I feel the longer I have been without talking to the FA the more things I have realized have been triggered in me from the time with them. I feel less trusting of people, nervous about getting as close to others, and other things. I just notice all this stuff right now that never were there for me before. It's definitely a good experience to be able to see certain things though and try and work through them now. I don't know if this encourages you or not but I have thought to myself many times reading your progress that you are strong and insightful. I am rooting for you! |
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Post by stu on Sept 26, 2019 3:12:26 GMT
I am having a lot of difficulty feeling like I'm in a fog, feeling stressed out with racing thoughts and with my mind obsessing over things that happened/could happen with the recent FA I was seeing. I have some symptoms that make me feel AP but at the same time others that feel like I'm de toxing from a trauma bond or something. I dated a BPD many years ago and the resulting aftermath left me a complete mess and with all the typical trauma bond symptoms. Though in a way I guess it was also what you call the FOG fear obligation and guilt. After a break up wirh a personality disordered person. The FA situation was not as toxic but in a lot of other ways it re opened old wounds and also was potentially damaging as well. The extreme hot and coldness, stone walling, getting really close and feeling things are great and then getting ghosted our of nowhere, among other things.i don't think she was intentionally trying to be hurtful with any of it. It was just her defense mechanisms and traits of insecure attachment. Still to my brain it seemed to stir up a lot of distress, even though I knew what was going on and trying not to take any of it personally. I feel the longer I have been without talking to the FA the more things I have realized have been triggered in me from the time with them. I feel less trusting of people, nervous about getting as close to others, and other things. I just notice all this stuff right now that never were there for me before. It's definitely a good experience to be able to see certain things though and try and work through them now. I don't know if this encourages you or not but I have thought to myself many times reading your progress that you are strong and insightful. I am rooting for you! Thank you I really appreciate that! |
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