So, I'm ap and have been in relationships for the past 16 years so struggle to know what's 'normal' in dating. I also have a bit of a hard time trusting my own intuition.
Anyway, met this guy a couple of times and really clicked with him. Was drunk and feeling bold one night so added him on social media. He messaged me, asked me on a date and gave me his number. He stopped messaging at one point but I assumed he'd just gone to bed as it was late and he was sober.
A couple of days later I messaged him to say I was glad to have met him and hoped he was having a nice weekend...and nothing. No response.
Our date was arranged for next Saturday. What do I do?
There're a couple of things you can do, depending on your inclination. You can text him and say "I've not heard back from you, and I take it as an indication that you are not that interested, so I think the date for Saturday is unnecessary. Lovely meeting you though." or you can wait till next Friday, and if he did not reach out to reconfirm the date, I'd just take it as it's not happening and NOT go for it. If he makes a fuss and accuses you of standing him up, you can then reply him and say that you're happy to have gone but his radio silence has you taking it that he has ghosted you, and it wasn't necessary for you to reach out anymore.
Not messaging anymore means he's not interested. Don't be his backup.
It is madness to include drunkenness in any way in early dating. Lowered inhibitions and drink goggles are going to get you in a lot of trouble and lead to confusion. Stay sober when dating and trying to make good decisions for yourself.
hannah99, even if him not answering doesn't mean anything and he still thinks you've got a date planned and is intending to show up, if he's already not responding to texts and it's this early (and still time to be impressing the new person you barely know), that means he's likely to be a crappy texter at the very least if you do end up dating. So I think it's less about reading into his interest or lack thereof and more about looking at it as a partner who probably isn't conscientious or that considerate. Do you want to deal with that? I wouldn't want to.
I think probably I'll text me the day before the scheduled date and see. I liked him. If he doesnt reply, no big deal. If he does, I'll mentioned on the date I wasnt sure if he was still interested due to the lack of contact.
Speaking to the demographics and repeat patterns of the board. I believe in no chase. Reciprocated interest does the job. No reciprocity, no wasted time. That's my firm belief and I'm sticking to it. Ambiguity sucks, AP chasing and waiting is painful. Mutual interest progressed with adequate communication is a great way to establish a more rewarding dating pattern. It takes a degree of faith in better things to keep moving forward. But yes, I believe it stands, in 2019, for both sexes.
I reiterate- speaking to the demographics of this board, full of women who chase and wait. Until they cry.