Post by nyc718 on Nov 24, 2019 17:05:07 GMT
I just wanted to give an update on my breakup with my FA boyfriend.
Some of you know that we had a breakup over the summer for two months after a (to me) stupid fight. I was confused, anxious, and very upset why he was ghosting me over something that for me, was a misunderstanding and miscommunication. I had only then found out about attachment styles and realized it explained everything about him, us, our relationship. Fast forward, we got back together, things were great, more than great for about another two months, then he deactivated. He came back around, deactivated again, rinse repeat. All of this behavior in line with FAs.
I finally had enough, and we broke up. My needs were not being met, and I knew that no amount of love or patience can overcompensate for his responsibility to a healthy relationship.
It has been only a week, but I am going to say that I finally feel like myself again. The anxiety has DIED. All the anxiety created by the uncertainty of the relationship and where I stood, the mixed messages, the push and pull, that anxiety is GONE. I am NOT SUPPOSED to feel that way, and I feel relieved.
One thing that happened was that there were red flags in the beginning of our relationship, and I had mentioned it to my therapist. At some point at that time, my FA bf apologized for what he did, but I was still skeptical. My therapist recommended I give it another try, because it would be a shame to not give the relationship a chance over what seemed to be a misunderstanding at the time. Now, I am not blaming my therapist, as it was me who ultimately made the decision to give it another go 'round, BUT I have learned to trust my damn instincts going forward.
Anyway, I have no regrets either on how it all played out. No matter what, I did it the way I knew best to do it according to what I knew about us, him, our relationship. I know I gave it the best chances and opportunities I could on my end. I learned a lot, and I will take these lessons going forward. I will treasure the good times, as we had many, but I accept that he was part of the journey and our time has come to an end. He was a great boyfriend when he could be, and that's what I choose to remember most. Be well, everyone.
Some of you know that we had a breakup over the summer for two months after a (to me) stupid fight. I was confused, anxious, and very upset why he was ghosting me over something that for me, was a misunderstanding and miscommunication. I had only then found out about attachment styles and realized it explained everything about him, us, our relationship. Fast forward, we got back together, things were great, more than great for about another two months, then he deactivated. He came back around, deactivated again, rinse repeat. All of this behavior in line with FAs.
I finally had enough, and we broke up. My needs were not being met, and I knew that no amount of love or patience can overcompensate for his responsibility to a healthy relationship.
It has been only a week, but I am going to say that I finally feel like myself again. The anxiety has DIED. All the anxiety created by the uncertainty of the relationship and where I stood, the mixed messages, the push and pull, that anxiety is GONE. I am NOT SUPPOSED to feel that way, and I feel relieved.
One thing that happened was that there were red flags in the beginning of our relationship, and I had mentioned it to my therapist. At some point at that time, my FA bf apologized for what he did, but I was still skeptical. My therapist recommended I give it another try, because it would be a shame to not give the relationship a chance over what seemed to be a misunderstanding at the time. Now, I am not blaming my therapist, as it was me who ultimately made the decision to give it another go 'round, BUT I have learned to trust my damn instincts going forward.
Anyway, I have no regrets either on how it all played out. No matter what, I did it the way I knew best to do it according to what I knew about us, him, our relationship. I know I gave it the best chances and opportunities I could on my end. I learned a lot, and I will take these lessons going forward. I will treasure the good times, as we had many, but I accept that he was part of the journey and our time has come to an end. He was a great boyfriend when he could be, and that's what I choose to remember most. Be well, everyone.
