Feeling so trapped-how do you guys deal with this?!?

Thanks to everyone who sent me kind words of encouragement.

I am really struggling today. I have been feeling good about everything but today I just broke down. It's been a week since we ended it and I think I am finally starting to accept that it's really over.

It's weird because our relationship was short (6 months) and almost exclusively long distance but this sort of belies it's importance to me, or how invested I was. I am normally deeply guarded but with him, I REALLY made an effort to open up and talk about myself (which I hate doing) and share things I haven't really with any other boy I have been with. It's funny you know, but I genuinely do think that most of the time there is unevenness in attachment between 2 people (this has always been my experience in the past at least) and with all of my previous relationships, my partner was more attached to me than I was to them (I loved them! Don't get me wrong. But I don't think it was ever maybe on the same level. I have an ex for example that will write me letters 15 years after breaking up that he still wants to be with me) but with him, I just was on the other side of the coin. There is no fault in this. I'ts certainly not his fault at all. That's just life. But it's a very hard pill to swallow (I'm choking over here! ha). This is just an especially hard breakup.

I don't regret my actions for even a second (of making my needs be known and allowing him the choice of whether or not to proceed armed with this knowledge) but shit, this hurts a lot. And I know it will get better. I also know there were a few of us (jules , @bohemianraspberry, nyc718 ) who all ended our relationships around the same time so I guess I am just wanting to post a message into a place of understanding. Like falling into a cloud. No one needs to respond. I just want to get it out.

Also, a big part of wanting to post all of this stuff is that I want to document my journey as I go through this. Not only to help myself but also help others who may be pouring over the boards like I did. I don't want to leave anything out like "Day 1-we ended things. I feel really good and empowered about it" and then nothing until "Day 146-sorry I have been gone forever but I feel GREAT now and I am back" while leaving out all the little bits in between where my real struggle and growth come from. This is a process for me so forgive me if it feels annoying or tired to be reading this stuff. It's what I feel like I have to do.