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Post by tnr9 on Jan 7, 2020 14:48:04 GMT
So...I am going to take this in a bit of a different direction. The root of the whole stuckness is that I still do not trust myself. I still do not believe I deserve someone who will truly love me without having to earn it. I still want someone else to make everything ok. And i am terrified of all the work...the failures etc that it will take to change course. All the focus on B...has been my normal tape looping over and over again.
Here is one of the tapes....B doesn’t really have FA, he has ADD and now that he has a secure job, he can get treatment...and with treatment and an attitude of wanting to be with his current partner...he will be everything I had hoped he would be with me. No more alcohol abuse, no more zoning out watching movies, no more ignoring texts for days. He is committed, he is involved etc etc.
i don’t want to focus on that...but it seems these tapes get louder and louder the more I go to therapy. I want to make progress...but I am at such a loss on what to do.
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Post by Helsbells on Jan 7, 2020 14:57:29 GMT
So...I am going to take this in a bit of a different direction. The root of the whole stuckness is that I still do not trust myself. I still do not believe I deserve someone who will truly love me without having to earn it. I still want someone else to make everything ok. And i am terrified of all the work...the failures etc that it will take to change course. All the focus on B...has been my normal tape looping over and over again. Here is one of the tapes....B doesn’t really have FA, he has ADD and now that he has a secure job, he can get treatment...and with treatment and an attitude of wanting to be with his current partner...he will be everything I had hoped he would be with me. No more alcohol abuse, no more zoning out watching movies, no more ignoring texts for days. He is committed, he is involved etc etc. i don’t want to focus on that...but it seems these tapes get louder and louder the more I go to therapy. I want to make progress...but I am at such a loss on what to do. So sorry I cant offer any support right now or words off comfort. I just wanted to say I hear you, I get you, i understand your thought patterns totally and send you my love. I hope others on the forum can help you with this.xx |
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addict
Junior Member
Posts: 56
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Post by addict on Jan 7, 2020 15:04:47 GMT
I can totally resonate with you on this... I have a similar tape running through my brain constantly... It's driving me mad! I have never consciously thought I'm not enough or compared myself to anyone so much !! It's like I no longer feel good enough or attractive... I know it's stupid but it's like when you know they appear committed and settled with someone new it's all you think about... How do you stop this rumination taking over? I guess it's being abandoned and knowing you're no longer important to the person you most want to be important to... Obviously we felt or were abandoned by our caregivers when we just wanted love by them and the feelings we have now have raked up deep stuff inside us... Sending hugs, I'm just constantly reading , hoping it will help... I still can't find a therapist who can help me 😫😟
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Post by lovebunny on Jan 7, 2020 16:06:35 GMT
I relate.. This morning I accidentally saw my ex changed her facebook profile pic (I unfollowed her but didn't block.) It's now a pic of her and the woman she dumped me for. Throughout our relationship, she presented like a classic FA. She would have never put me in her profile. I would never have dared ask. Seems like she's both feet in with new girl, and yes, I'm still smarting from this breakup 7 months later, though we've been broken up now almost as long as the relationship lasted.
It's looping in my head that the problem must be me.
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Post by Helsbells on Jan 7, 2020 22:10:27 GMT
I relate.. This morning I accidentally saw my ex changed her facebook profile pic (I unfollowed her but didn't block.) It's now a pic of her and the woman she dumped me for. Throughout our relationship, she presented like a classic FA. She would have never put me in her profile. I would never have dared ask. Seems like she's both feet in with new girl, and yes, I'm still smarting from this breakup 7 months later, though we've been broken up now almost as long as the relationship lasted. It's looping in my head that the problem must be me. I feel for you so much right now. I felt very stashed away in the relationship with my ex. I new his family all new about me as he lived with me. But I never met them, and there was no photos of social media of us together. I'm glad he has blocked me on everything as I just couldn't cope with what you have had to see atm. To be honest there is no pictures of him with any females on his fb or Instagram so I dont take it to personal. Sorry you are going thru this, it bloody sucks. |
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