|
|
Post by kittygirl on Jan 14, 2020 0:24:56 GMT
Hello to the folks. I have a question that I was quite literally just curious about since so many of us have experiences with a fearful avoidant, or are one.
My question is: does fearful avoidance go hand in hand with introversion? My ex is highly introverted. To an extreme I would say. I also have an FA friend (not an ex) who is highly introverted. I was curious if you guys had similar experiences? Can fearful avoidance also occur in extroverts?
I am a pretty extreme extrovert and am highly attracted to introverts (I think it's a yin to my yang type thing) and so I was just wondering.
|
|
|
|
Post by Dualcitizen on Jan 14, 2020 0:40:33 GMT
Hello to the folks. I have a question that I was quite literally just curious about since so many of us have experiences with a fearful avoidant, or are one.
My question is: does fearful avoidance go hand in hand with introversion? My ex is highly introverted. To an extreme I would say. I also have an FA friend (not an ex) who is highly introverted. I was curious if you guys had similar experiences? Can fearful avoidance also occur in extroverts?
I am a pretty extreme extrovert and am highly attracted to introverts (I think it's a yin to my yang type thing) and so I was just wondering.
Are you sure introverted? Or isolationist due to Freeze response? I'm no expert, but I know from reading, due to trauma, some lock themselves away and do stuff alone, which would look like "introversion", which is a totally different personality trait. My ex. was extroverted, ADD/ADHD almost, but now worn down emotionally and physically in effect |
|
|
|
Post by kittygirl on Jan 14, 2020 0:48:48 GMT
Hello to the folks. I have a question that I was quite literally just curious about since so many of us have experiences with a fearful avoidant, or are one.
My question is: does fearful avoidance go hand in hand with introversion? My ex is highly introverted. To an extreme I would say. I also have an FA friend (not an ex) who is highly introverted. I was curious if you guys had similar experiences? Can fearful avoidance also occur in extroverts?
I am a pretty extreme extrovert and am highly attracted to introverts (I think it's a yin to my yang type thing) and so I was just wondering.
Are you sure introverted? Or isolationist due to Freeze response? I'm no expert, but I know from reading, due to trauma, some lock themselves away and do stuff alone, which would look like "introversion", which is a totally different personality trait. Well funny you say that because that's exactly why I was asking (ha you're a few steps ahead of me)! I was reading the book last night and I quite literally had that exact thought-"Maybe these people I am thinking are "introverted" are really just dealing with their trauma with the "freeze" response." My ex is absolutely a "freeze" type (thanks again for the book recommendation-it's been so amazing). He has talked about being in a "freeze state" so he's aware of that (don't want people to think I am diagnosing him or anything). So I guess I was just finding it interesting that if true, one fearful avoidant may have deactivation that takes the form of extreme "introversion" (which as you point out is really something different altogether) while another's may be to become highly productive and bury themselves in work (like a "flight" response I guess?) |
|
|
|
Post by alexandra on Jan 14, 2020 0:52:17 GMT
I think the split of FAs I know is half and half. The more they like attention / need that type of validation, the more extroverted they tend to be.
|
|
|
|
Post by Dualcitizen on Jan 14, 2020 1:22:18 GMT
Are you sure introverted? Or isolationist due to Freeze response? I'm no expert, but I know from reading, due to trauma, some lock themselves away and do stuff alone, which would look like "introversion", which is a totally different personality trait. Well funny you say that because that's exactly why I was asking (ha you're a few steps ahead of me)! I was reading the book last night and I quite literally had that exact thought-"Maybe these people I am thinking are "introverted" are really just dealing with their trauma with the "freeze" response." My ex is absolutely a "freeze" type (thanks again for the book recommendation-it's been so amazing). He has talked about being in a "freeze state" so he's aware of that (don't want people to think I am diagnosing him or anything). So I guess I was just finding it interesting that if true, one fearful avoidant may have deactivation that takes the form of extreme "introversion" (which as you point out is really something different altogether) while another's may be to become highly productive and bury themselves in work (like a "flight" response I guess?) That's seemingly what is happening from what i've read yes. I too just putting it out there for conversation purposes. I probably come across as "diagnosing" as well, and I hope the community realises that is not my intent. There just are too many uncanny similarities sometimes to write it off though, and it is the most "likely" option. Obviously all subject to proper analysis by a professional and therapy clearly at all times. |
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jan 14, 2020 1:25:48 GMT
very offhand, I'd say i'm introverted by nature (or freeze, i don't know and don't care to analyse at this point) but can present as extroverted. Definitely extroverted in behaviors when triggered in dating, because trying to elicit reaction/behaviors from other party which, in honeymoon stages, they seem to like and respond to (and therefore I keep doing). It's like I need to be entertaining to keep their attention.
|
|
|
|
Post by kittygirl on Jan 14, 2020 1:36:42 GMT
very offhand, I'd say i'm introverted by nature (or freeze, i don't know and don't care to analyse at this point) but can present as extroverted. Definitely extroverted in behaviors when triggered in dating, because trying to elicit reaction/behaviors from other party which, in honeymoon stages, they seem to like and respond to (and therefore I keep doing). It's like I need to be entertaining to keep their attention. Oh that's very interesting to me. See, since my only experience is with introverts, it didn't occur to me until LAST NIGHT that my experience may not be representative of everyone. Probably since I tend to be drawn to to introverts I probably wouldn't even end up dating someone who was an extrovert, therefore not knowing that this can span the entire spectrum. I am so glad to have these other insights! |
|
|
|
Post by annieb on Jan 14, 2020 4:59:43 GMT
I always thought I was introverted until I started dealing with my issues (I’m a former FA), I’m pretty much extroverted now. I say what’s on my mind and open conversations and overall prefer company to solitude. I do believe my introversion was a freeze response. I am still empathic and perceptive, so none of that has changed. I get over slights and weirdness much faster nowadays. I don’t dwell on what others might think, etc.
|
|
|
|
Post by lovebunny on Jan 14, 2020 13:56:14 GMT
My FA ex was extroverted, whereas I'm AP introvert. She only had maybe two friends outside of her work friends, but her job involves a lot of socializing so she knows everyone in the LGBT community and enjoyed going to social events that I found absolutely torturous. On the other hand, she never really lets anyone in except maybe her sisters.
|
|
|
|
Post by kittygirl on Jan 14, 2020 14:33:04 GMT
I always thought I was introverted until I started dealing with my issues (I’m a former FA), I’m pretty much extroverted now. I say what’s on my mind and open conversations and overall prefer company to solitude. I do believe my introversion was a freeze response. I am still empathic and perceptive, so none of that has changed. I get over slights and weirdness much faster nowadays. I don’t dwell on what others might think, etc. Wow This was extremely cool to read! From what I have read (and experienced with my ex), being able to shrink that "inner critic" (what Pete Walker calls that inner voice that is so negative and takes what people say the wrong way etc) is so hard so I was extremely touched to read what you wrote here. I am guessing that sometimes it can he hard to see your own progress when you are living it, but reading that you went from "introvert/freeze" to "saying what's on your mind" is hella inspiring. Thank you for sharing this |
|
|
|
Post by nyc718 on Jan 14, 2020 14:33:10 GMT
Are you sure introverted? Or isolationist due to Freeze response? I'm no expert, but I know from reading, due to trauma, some lock themselves away and do stuff alone, which would look like "introversion", which is a totally different personality trait. Well funny you say that because that's exactly why I was asking (ha you're a few steps ahead of me)! I was reading the book last night and I quite literally had that exact thought-"Maybe these people I am thinking are "introverted" are really just dealing with their trauma with the "freeze" response." My ex is absolutely a "freeze" type (thanks again for the book recommendation-it's been so amazing). He has talked about being in a "freeze state" so he's aware of that (don't want people to think I am diagnosing him or anything). So I guess I was just finding it interesting that if true, one fearful avoidant may have deactivation that takes the form of extreme "introversion" (which as you point out is really something different altogether) while another's may be to become highly productive and bury themselves in work (like a "flight" response I guess?) Would you share what book it is that you're reading? Thank you |
|
|
|
Post by kittygirl on Jan 14, 2020 14:35:13 GMT
My FA ex was extroverted, whereas I'm AP introvert. She only had maybe two friends outside of her work friends, but her job involves a lot of socializing so she knows everyone in the LGBT community and enjoyed going to social events that I found absolutely torturous. On the other hand, she never really lets anyone in except maybe her sisters. ok wow so you are AP and fall more on the "introvert" scale. That is interesting. For some reason (and I am basing this on absolutely nothing I'm realizing as I'm typing it ha) I would have assumed AP folks tend to be more extroverted. No idea why I assumed that. This is all so eye opening to me |
|
|
|
Post by nyc718 on Jan 14, 2020 14:37:55 GMT
I always thought I was introverted until I started dealing with my issues (I’m a former FA), I’m pretty much extroverted now. I say what’s on my mind and open conversations and overall prefer company to solitude. I do believe my introversion was a freeze response. I am still empathic and perceptive, so none of that has changed. I get over slights and weirdness much faster nowadays. I don’t dwell on what others might think, etc. That's interesting, I feel the opposite. In my younger years I was an extrovert and wanted to be around a lot of people all the time, but perhaps that was to help me escape my own thoughts! As an adult, I have become more and more introverted. I hate crowds and much prefer small group activities, 2-4 people at most is best though I can function fine at a larger group event, but it takes me longer to "recover" and I require a lot of downtime afterwards to recoup my energy all around. |
|
|
|
Post by lovebunny on Jan 15, 2020 12:45:46 GMT
My FA ex was extroverted, whereas I'm AP introvert. She only had maybe two friends outside of her work friends, but her job involves a lot of socializing so she knows everyone in the LGBT community and enjoyed going to social events that I found absolutely torturous. On the other hand, she never really lets anyone in except maybe her sisters. ok wow so you are AP and fall more on the "introvert" scale. That is interesting. For some reason (and I am basing this on absolutely nothing I'm realizing as I'm typing it ha) I would have assumed AP folks tend to be more extroverted. No idea why I assumed that. This is all so eye opening to me Being hyper-vigilant to rejection means I often find other people exhausting. I feel completely invisible in larger groups of people. Strangely, my ex FA gf was one of the few people I never found tiring. Her cool, calm, dominant focus on me (when she wasn't deactived/dumping me every few months) really let me relax. On the other hand, maybe it felt easy because she wasn't really expressing her own needs, or even knew she had 'em. |
|
|
|
Post by annieb on Jan 17, 2020 17:54:05 GMT
I always thought I was introverted until I started dealing with my issues (I’m a former FA), I’m pretty much extroverted now. I say what’s on my mind and open conversations and overall prefer company to solitude. I do believe my introversion was a freeze response. I am still empathic and perceptive, so none of that has changed. I get over slights and weirdness much faster nowadays. I don’t dwell on what others might think, etc. Wow This was extremely cool to read! From what I have read (and experienced with my ex), being able to shrink that "inner critic" (what Pete Walker calls that inner voice that is so negative and takes what people say the wrong way etc) is so hard so I was extremely touched to read what you wrote here. I am guessing that sometimes it can he hard to see your own progress when you are living it, but reading that you went from "introvert/freeze" to "saying what's on your mind" is hella inspiring. Thank you for sharing this I think therapy really helped me with the inner critic. I've realized that that response to a stressor is completely ineffective and outdated. It does absolutely nothing to solve a problem at hand. I've learned to recognize all these feelings, which used to pretty much control me and my life. Sometimes I wonder if this is because I am turning 40 and it's the age thing and I've simply outgrown these coping techniques or if it is therapy. I think it is the therapy. |
|
