Post by doctora on Aug 10, 2021 3:10:11 GMT
Jul 21, 2021 12:47:27 GMT @Deleted said:
This might be because avoidants have low trust for pretty much everyone as a default setting. Thus everything is personal. Everything is manipulation. Everyone is trying to hurt or use them. Call it extreme form of cynicism where they simply see the worst in everyone to satisfy their internal narrative of an abyss of hurt.
My ex would start to eat diazepam like there is no tomorrow when she was with me as life with me was at it's best - things are stable, we are going back to my country to meet my parents, I am loving, caring, generous, supportive of her in every way.....only to have her say "this is too perfect. It can't be true. I know something will go wrong and people leave me.". I was puzzled because life was really good, we both have our jobs in the pandemic, we are getting closer. There are just nothing that is anxiety inducing and yet her anxiety increased by the day. She blamed it all on the fear of flying (yet she travelled most of Europe. Go figure). Now I know its anxiety rising from not finding a fatal flaw in the relationship.
That was the beginning of the end where after the trip home, my mum calling her "daughter" and buying the wedding dress, she came back from the trip and started to withdraw. As she withdrew, my unaware, secure self began to destabilize as I have no idea what is going on. Thinking I am not good enough, I tried and tried while getting more and more anxious. Then she really had something to latch on - that I'm unstable.
It may feel familiar not because of faulty traits inherent in everyone you interact with here, but because of your malignant, abusive communication style.
Your communication is full of the characteristics of an abuser. The tactics you employ to attempt to silence the voices of those here that you have generalized as sick, incapable people include:
Condescension:
You're sarcastic, disdainful, and patronizing
Circular nonsense:
You suggest the "mature" tactic of name calling to deal with disagreement, and when I literally did exactly what you suggested you foolishly attempted to call me out on it, as if you forgot that you just suggesting doing this.
Countering:
You suggest that everything others contribute here is wrong, and that your generalizations are the only truth in the discussion (generalizations and blanket statements also being a verbal abuse tactic you employ)
Criticism:
You persistently employ harsh criticism in order to drive home your point, allowing no room for nuance nor alternative explanation, there is no deviation from your blame and shame method of communication
It appears that in the face of your incivility, others here have gone to great lengths to remain civil, but behind the scenes the conversation is that you are suspected to be highly disordered. Most won't point you in the direction of considering a personality disorder in yourself because it could be seen as a way to amplify your behavior here instead of mediate it- mainly because you show a stunning lack of self awareness. That, and you turn everything into "There you go, that's an avoidant for you." That alone is a verbal abuse tactic- discounting everything, generalizing, trivializing, it's all there.
At any rate, you've managed to erode the quality of the interactions forum with your continuous victim rants. In real life, as on the 'net, people tire of the person who continually nags, complains, attacks. There's little doubt in my mind that you tortured your ex with your onslaughts. You're aggressive, and relentless. Obsessed. It's toxic stuff.
No doubt you will attempt to turn this all back on me, but it's no matter. You've been expressing negativity for months here and it isn't likely to change, others here will simply move on. I've done so for the most part but watched this thread a couple days to see if anyone calls you out or if they just stand back. A moderator would be helpful but as it is, we just need to take it or leave it. Not a life-changer.
Whoever wrote this, your name was deleted, but let me tell you: you are completely wrong. You are ignorant, you’re victim blaming, you don’t understand what dullboat is talking about, and YOU are abusive in your language. Making accusations. Dullboat has said almost nothing that different than Jeb Kinneson himself. Man, your post made me extremely angry.