Post by Jaeger on May 11, 2016 9:13:46 GMT
jebkinnison.com/2014/07/25/perfect-soulmates-or-fellow-travelers-being-happy-depends-on-perspective/
Sorry if I'm going off on a tangent here, but reading this, I see parallels between the 'unity vs. journey' dichotomy mentioned there and Carol Dweck's 'fixed mindset vs growth mindset'. As mentioned in the above article, the unity/fixed belief is "If two people were really made in heaven for each other, they wouldn't have any conflicts" whereas the journey/growth belief would be "A relationship is a journey of growing and working things out together".
The former promotes highlighting the negatives (damaging effects) of conflicts on relationship evaluation while the latter promotes downplaying these.
What I noticed in my previous relationship was that we differed in these views. Where my focus on the journey/growth helped me to keep the relationship going and looking for room to improve, my ex adopted the unity/fixed view. "If it was meant to be, there wouldn't be any problems and if we truly are, we'll be together again in the future". Also, she sees this new man she ran off with as her soulmate and seems to be moving at breakneck pace.
With the focus of a dismissive-avoidant on that one, perfect partner, can this fixed/unity view possibly be one of the 'warning signs'?
Or, alternatively, could the journey/growth mindset be an indicator of a secure attachment style?
If not, the fixed/unity view definitely seems to lead to a greater risk of relationships ending prematurely and seems like a good thing to know about prospective partners.
Sorry if I'm going off on a tangent here, but reading this, I see parallels between the 'unity vs. journey' dichotomy mentioned there and Carol Dweck's 'fixed mindset vs growth mindset'. As mentioned in the above article, the unity/fixed belief is "If two people were really made in heaven for each other, they wouldn't have any conflicts" whereas the journey/growth belief would be "A relationship is a journey of growing and working things out together".
The former promotes highlighting the negatives (damaging effects) of conflicts on relationship evaluation while the latter promotes downplaying these.
What I noticed in my previous relationship was that we differed in these views. Where my focus on the journey/growth helped me to keep the relationship going and looking for room to improve, my ex adopted the unity/fixed view. "If it was meant to be, there wouldn't be any problems and if we truly are, we'll be together again in the future". Also, she sees this new man she ran off with as her soulmate and seems to be moving at breakneck pace.
With the focus of a dismissive-avoidant on that one, perfect partner, can this fixed/unity view possibly be one of the 'warning signs'?
Or, alternatively, could the journey/growth mindset be an indicator of a secure attachment style?
If not, the fixed/unity view definitely seems to lead to a greater risk of relationships ending prematurely and seems like a good thing to know about prospective partners.
