Need some support- having serious talk with FA tonight

from the outside looking in i would be astonished if you weren’t triggered kristyrose.  It’s been a very intense few days.  weeks.
now would be the time to be your own best friend and practice what you know about self soothing and nurturing.
You aren’t alone even tho you feel it.
But you are in a really painful place.
If you put your focus on you and taking good care of you right now, you may be able to prevent hurting yourself more with triggered reactions you will regret later. 
be your own best friend right now.  🌺

Gratitude is so powerful. It’s a great elixer!
I feel much better today.  Yesterday i was able to let some very powerful feelings come to the surface and it was really inspired by your empathetic and caring listening presence!
I feel good.  I am moving through stages of grief myself and am pleased actually with my progress through it, I can see and feel it.
Being involved with this board is keeping me mindful to old habits and helping me choose the new, healthier habits instead in spite of the pain i feel. 
Today, i feel inspired and empowered and peaceful!
Thank you kristyrose. 

I was in a dark place yesterday and much better today, it will keep changing and you will have healing and insight along the way, so each moment you have to try your best to do the next right thing by you.
Love yourself today.

Thank you Mary.

You are right, I'm just reacting. I'm sure there are feelings on his end as well. I need to stop wondering why he came back to me for 9 months as he did, only to say he doesnt want me. I do not think he is evil, I don't know if he is narcissistic like tgat suggested, he could be, i just don't know. i only know that i still love him so much and can feel myself still trying to understand him when i need to deal with my own feelings.

of course, all i want is to hear from him, but perhaps he is done talking to me as well.

I was just reading about narcissistic personality disorder, a lot of does seem like him, i guess i never thought of that and wanted to focus more on our attachment styles.

but yes, no matter now. i have to try and focus on the healing, so hard to do today.

gonna go meet up with some friends and try to breathe. i ate a meal, been having trouble eating regularly and will try to not stare at my phone hoping he responds to me. thank you all very much, i am so grateful for the support.

I just joined this forum as a recently self-diagnosed AP, who just finished for the final time (I hope) with my FA after about six months. In retrospect, as a young man (early twenties) I was very AP but absolutely clueless about it - but somehow ended with someone slightly AP but more secure and remained married for 12 years. I'm now 43, divorced at 40, and have just spent the final two months of my relationship buried in researching attachment theory which has been truly eye-opening for me. Of course I thought knowing about my and my FA's driving emotions and attachment styles would help me navigate it better, but of course it did nothing of the sort; it only made me more anxious. I found myself unwittingly trying to be my ex's therapist - albeit passively - and not her partner as I delighted in the idea of sharing everything I had been learning about "us," and why our relationship was starting to disintegrate and how we could "fix" it. Being an AP this seemingly is a natural inclination - wanting to fix, trying to be open, talking too much perhaps, trying to be vulnerable but probably just coming across needy and triggering my FA's flight response.

I've only read a few of your posts, but your relationship's progression sounds remarkably like mine, albeit compressed into six months. After a huge blow up where it was all over, again, I went no contact but told her she could call me if she really needed to (guilt on my side knowing about her abandonment issues.) Two days later I get a call at 7am asking if we could try again. She too seemed massively pressured by the idea of being tagged in a relationship, so instead we were going to be see each other exclusively for dates and to keep it "light and simple" -- yes -- a meaningless differentiation to me, but I agreed. Thankfully (yes) on our first date I drank way too much wine and got triggered by her pulling out her phone to text people a couple of times. I was/am in love with her, in as much as an AP can be with an FA, and I had a month's worst of suppressed frustrations after her last withdrawal (she basically went AWOL for two weeks after an incredibly intimate Christmas together). My outburst just served to help her gaslight me further as an "insecure jealous psycho", and she left the bar. A day later, we broke up for the last time (Jan 12th.) I have been waking up every day with butterflies since early December and I just want it to go away. We're still in contact now because I am "important" to her, and even though I know no-contact is what I need, I can't do it. The very fact I know her deepest insecurities and fears as an FA, and my being an AP means I am trapped in this cycle, even now. My greatest wish and also my biggest fear is that we'll get back together. I don't even know why I am responding to your post because I know I cannot help you. I think the key points I've been focusing on is that you cannot fix them. I most recently read these two articles, getting the most reassurance from pt2. Maybe they'll help you.

www.goodtherapy.org/blog/ending-anxious-avoidant-dance-part-1-opposing-attachment-styles-0518174
www.goodtherapy.org/blog/ending-anxious-avoidant-dance-part-2-built-in-path-to-healing-0518175

Look after yourself.