The problem with breathing: (expacially if you use your breath as a Go-To resource)
An SE-therapist explains:
Rather than direct a breathing pattern right at the start, what I suggest is to first:
a) Just notice your breath. b) See if you can not change it the moment you notice it.
Just learning these two steps can be very useful, especially for those of you, who use your breath as a Go-To resource. When directed to consciously breathe a little more on the shallow side of things, and stay attuned to your body sensations and emotions, little hidden gremlins of emotions, stored up sensations and trapped trauma start to surface. And, believe it or not, this is what you want!
Deep breathing and resourcing (going to a person’s happy place), while effective in soothing the nervous system, can actually hinder the stored up body memories from releasing. Our deep breathing and resourcing practices are good when we’re driving, on stage presenting a workshop, flying in the air – but these management practices aren’t resolving stuck trauma, they are only “managing” them better.
mindful breathing is my go to for these very reasons. i don't manipulate the breath i just become aware.
Maybe you are feeling discomfort and stress when your partner approaches you, or you get anxious, when your partner is about to leave for a few days.
Feel the pain, lean into it and stay with it for as long as you can in a managble way.
It is not about getting overwhelmed but stay with that growing pit in your stomach, the slight headache, the tension in your chest or sholders and the sense of dread as it comes on. Try this before you use your usual self care strategies.
Locate the discomfort in your body. Where is it exactly ? Does it stay in one place, move around, come and go ?
Remember that the discomfort isent about your partner, but your attachment history!!!
Thats the source of your discomfort. If you notice any resistance to this step, it is okay. Just notice the sensations that arise from the resistance. Are they different form your original discomfort ? What are they like ? Feel what's happening now in your body.
Regonise these feelings as your attachment history showing up the only way it knows how to. Say hallo to it. Give it a seat at the table. Open your heart to it, an hear what it has to say. What does it want to tell you ? Check in with your body again. Has anything changed ? Has the sensations become stronger or weaker ? Have they moved somewhere else in your body ? Do you note any different sensations in your body ? Associated with relaxation and well-being ? Welcome what ever shows up with kind attention.
If things becomes too intense, it's okay to stop You can switch to an activity that gives you stability - a ressource that brings you relief and regulation. Compassion with yourself is important
-------------------------------------------------------------- Rick Hanson: How to Build Unshakeable Inner Strength Using Neuroscience:
Try doing lots of easygoing orienting, and noticing how you feel after this? Really just connecting with your environment with your senses (Steve Hoskinson's definition): when unsafety signals are coming from inside, each time you orient in an easygoing way, you are sending new uptodate information to you brain that you are safe now, so keep doing that until your sense of safety is stronger. And then, maybe go from the outside in, feeling the body from the outside, hands and arms are mostly quite neutral places, use some supportive self touch, you can use gentle self stroking of arms and any part that feels easy. Just keeping it easygoing. Thre slower and gentler you go, the faster the healing....
The sea bath turns off the stress main switch and gives a good mood - "the master switch of life". The moment your face is under water or even just hits the water's surface, the "main switch" starts to turn off.
And what happens in the body? The blood runs from your hands and feet to your body core, your heart rate decreases, your mind goes into a more meditative state. All in direct contrast to the condition in which the stress response brings the body, and therefore, bathing is a unique means of stress. The deeper and longer you dive, the greater the changes will be, but a quite ordinary sea bath in a few minutes will also have an effect. Your heart, brain and organs are affected to compensate for the underwater pressure. In addition, endorphins - a natural morphine-like substance - are excreted in mood.
The main switch or "the master switch of life" was thoroughly documented by Swedish Per Scholander, who lived in the USA and researched this diving reflex for several decades from 1940 onwards. We share this special dive reflex with other water mammals such as dolphins and whales.
We are born with it and lose it partially when we learn to walk. However, it is latent in us for the rest of our lives and can be rehabilitated. When diving, the body undergoes the greatest changes, but research has shown that you just have to splash cold water in the face to start the reflex.
Step-by-step guide to sea bathing against stress:
The water must be colder than the air.
It should be salt water.
It's the face that makes the difference. So dive under the water, or at least make sure to get water in the face.
A short sea bath is enough - don't stay longer than you like.
Bath with as little clothes in as possible, preferably completely naked.
Before you go in the water use a few minutes to relax and look out over the horizon. Notice the sounds and sniff the scents. Use all your senses. Go in the water and be sure to bathe with the face under water as much as you can while you are still relaxed. The most important thing is to be as relaxed as possible, even when swimming underwater. If you do not relax by swimming underwater, do not. When you dive, do not take a huge breath but just dive down and relax as much as you can. Take in the air and pause is everything you need. The most important thing is that you feel relaxed, not that you hold your breath especially long or dive at all costs.
Go ashore and for a few minutes just to relax. Again use all senses and notice your breathing and the effect of the sea bath on your body.
Stay with the good feeling - it takes about 10-20 seconds for the brain to store a good feeling in the body.
Raice arms up and hold in air, as if reaching toward mother (longing)
Reach one out in front and close fist as if grabbing something tight and then bring arm in to rest, closed fist, against chest as if grabbing something tight and then bring arm into rest, closed fist, against fist as if not letting something go. (Repeat with Other hand)
With open palm and moving palm out in front of body , push and hold at a distance as if pushing away and keeping something at a distance but maining contact.
Give is to Extend arm and open palm downward. (As if giving something to someone) Recieve is to have arm extended with open palm up. People who can't give, also can't receive,
Personal space. Move arms out to side and up/down like jumping jack, but slower and only use arms (not legs). Engage deltoid muscles.
Crossing arms as if you are holding / hugging. People can be collapsed or puffed forward in a frozen way.
# 1 The scent of rain benefits you and has a name The smell of rain actually has a name - it's called petrichor. You know well the scent that arises when it rains or has just rained. You can especially smell it when the soil is dry - when it has been a while since it has rained in the summer and late summer. It is such an earthy fragrance - and that fragrance we love people quite instinctively. We do enough, because water is equal to life and in the past when we did not have running water, we were deeply dependent on the rain. Your sense of smell can arouse very strong emotions. The odor sensation has a strong connection with the amygdala and the hippocampus of the brain, which is related to emotions and the formation of memory traces or memories. Therefore, it may also be that the smell of rain gives you associations of good memories from your childhood, where you, for example, ran and played in the rain one summer day or sat under a canopy and looked at the rain at a time when you felt safe.
# 2 The sound of rain is soothing Think of the sound of rain on a roof or the sound of rain on a canvas. Or how about the sound of rain that strikes the window or when it rains in a puddle of water? Perhaps it is a little different how we feel with the sound of rain, but I experience it as calming, and I think most do. There is something about the sound of rain - the monotonous and yet slightly varied sound - that makes us calm down. Next time it rains, sit in a doorway with a cup of tea just to listen to the rain. Or better yet - go for a walk in bare foot in the rain. It's pure therapy.
# 3 Rain has a cleansing effect and makes you present. Rain has a cleaning effect in several ways. It is obvious to stand out and rinse off the dust of the day, so you can also use the rain, when you need to let go of emotions and thoughts. If you are sad, go out into the rain and let the rain flush it away. Allow yourself to be sad and feel how the rain helps you let go of all that sadness. If you are thinking now that it is cold and difficult to go out in the rain, think again. You are created to be out in any weather. I'm not saying you have to go into an autumn rainstorm without clothes, but in the summer you can easily stay in the rain for a long time. Cold water - especially in the face - is good for your body and for the nervous system. There is a reason why we humans can also bathe in a cold water without harming ourselves. If you have many thoughts and concerns, then you can also see how the rain falls on your skin and wash away any excess thoughts. It cwateran have a very cleansing effect - especially if it falls down. All in all, awakening the senses can be a good way to get out of the mind, so the next time you are caught by worries, go outside and it will certainly help you wake up and be more present.
# 4 Raindrops are beautiful and can teach you self-acceptance. If you notise raindrops, they are actually quite amazing. If it just rains and rains, sit down and see how the rain falls on the ground. If it has just rained, see how the drops hang from leaves and flowers and see how the sun shines in the raindrops. If you're lucky, you'll see a rainbow and notice how everything gets beautiful and alive when it's just raining. Looking at something beautiful can make you happy - especially when it is nature's beauty, which is unperfect at the same time and yet complete. Just like yourself! Kelly Wilson - Professor of Psychology - uses a sunset versus a mathematical problem when he asks us how we psychologists look at our clients. We must learn to see ourselves as beautiful, unique and as something to be appreciated. Think of yourself as a raindrop. There is only one of you, and it is worth putting as much value on yourself as possible, in the short time you are here.
# 5 Rain makes you appreciate the sun I just want to mention a quote by Dolly Parton. She has said: The way I see it if you want the rainbows, you gotta put up with the rain And she is right about that.
If You live in a country with four seasons every year, practise apppriciating every season.
Eyeball exercise (good for avoidant and desorganised attatched):
Letting the eyeballs sink into the eyes and imagine that the eyeballs lands on a soft pillow (avoidants and desorganized - they can have a "harsh/starring look" in their eyes, because they can be watching out for "danger-signales"). Also a good way to gruond, because they can have a hard time feeling the body and if/or/when they feel the body, they can somehow get activated)
(Diane Poole Heller)
Working with the facial mussels, can also help to loosen up the face and make the face look more friendly and welcoming to other people. And it can help the person to be able to better regoise their feelings
(An SE, bodyworker, fitness trainer, stress coach)
Wuuu Sound Peter Levine To Regulate shame or if You are low on energy. Also if You are having trouble speaking Up. A useful tool (when expression and sound is safe enough to explore for someone).
These sounds can help stimulate the vagus nerve which runs between the face and upper half of the torso (think diaphragm, heart etc) and the brain. It plays a big roll in our expressions and is what's active when we feel safe and social. By making the sound we can sometimes stimulate this nerve which can help with expression (ie anger) and/or coming out of freeze. Be prepared that it might "wake up" pieces that we weren't aware of!