|
|
Post by elizabeth33 on May 24, 2018 19:52:38 GMT
It's been months since I've seen him and I wake up crying almost every morning. I don't want to contact him as he's made it clear he doesn't want this and I can't bring myself to talk to someone who doesn't want to talk to me. I unfriended him, blocked him the other day. And this well of grief just popped up.
I told him I wanted a different man. Someone capable of seeing me, of deep connection, of love and a future and marriage. None of which he was interested in. And I want to be in a place to become a match to a man like that. I've begun attending codependency 12 step meetings.
Just feel like hell, crying for a man who definitely not crying about me. He did as I walked away. It was one of the only moments I felt he actually cared about me or loved me. Said he felt like he was losing everything, the whole world.
Said he was an abuser, said we could be friends in the future, that we need time to heal ourselves. He was told by a psychic he wouldn't heal staying with me. Writing this makes me cry. I'm so alone. so alone.
I've lost everything, everyone, my family, my soul, the world. For the worst reason. I was an innocent. I didn't deserve to be treated like that. Like an animal.
|
|
|
|
Post by tnr9 on May 24, 2018 20:08:41 GMT
It's been months since I've seen him and I wake up crying almost every morning. I don't want to contact him as he's made it clear he doesn't want this and I can't bring myself to talk to someone who doesn't want to talk to me. I unfriended him, blocked him the other day. And this well of grief just popped up. I told him I wanted a different man. Someone capable of seeing me, of deep connection, of love and a future and marriage. None of which he was interested in. And I want to be in a place to become a match to a man like that. I've begun attending codependency 12 step meetings. Just feel like hell, crying for a man who definitely not crying about me. He did as I walked away. It was one of the only moments I felt he actually cared about me or loved me. Said he felt like he was losing everything, the whole world. Said he was an abuser, said we could be friends in the future, that we need time to heal ourselves. He was told by a psychic he wouldn't heal staying with me. Writing this makes me cry. I'm so alone. so alone. I've lost everything, everyone, my family, my soul, the world. For the worst reason. I was an innocent. I didn't deserve to be treated like that. Like an animal. Hang in there....I would recommend you spend a bit of time in the AP boards...you will find that you are not alone in your grief. |
|
|
|
Post by scheme00 on May 24, 2018 22:51:20 GMT
You’ve lost nothing except someone who was incapable of seeing you, of deep connection, of love and a future and marriage. After this grief you will be able to fill those needs which the person that can offer you what you know you need.
|
|
|
|
Post by boomerang on May 24, 2018 23:27:37 GMT
It's Ok to grieve...this man was important to you. You were true to yourself and stated your needs and it wasn't something he could give to you. That doesn't mean you don't matter to him. The two things can coexist, and it sounds like they do. But, someone can't be other than what they are.
You took a brave step to cut off the hope of possibility and it is so, so hard to do that. So, I understand why you are in such pain right now. It will not last forever, but I know it feels like it will right now... You are attending meetings--taking care of yourself. I also found counseling helped me to deal with my reality. It doesn't change my reality, but it helps me cope as I work through the challenges I have been facing. I also want to add that I find it helpful to remind myself that I don't know what the other person is thinking, even if the script in my head says I do. Just as he doesn't know what you have been thinking in your months of no contact. People deal with loss of others each in their own way. And if he's abusive, you really, truly are doing the rightest, best--and most necessary --thing you can possibly do for yourself. It sounds like you feel small right now, but I read strength.
|
|
|
|
Post by mrob on May 25, 2018 1:27:04 GMT
. He did as I walked away. It was one of the only moments I felt he actually cared about me or loved me. Said he felt like he was losing everything, the whole world. Said he was an abuser, said we could be friends in the future, that we need time to heal ourselves. Classic fearful-avoidant behaviour right there. I’m sorry. I wish I could make this better for you. You may be able to piece together the events and make (sort of) sense of the events that led up to this on this forum. |
|
flic
Full Member
Posts: 119
|
Post by flic on May 25, 2018 3:12:50 GMT
i hope you found some solace in posting this. You'll find lots of empathy here - you are not alone and what you are feeling is completely valid. And, you're taking steps to heal you, which is the most important thing.
Keep posting. Writing helps. An exercise I found useful was to spend 10 minutes writing a stream of consciousness on a piece of blank paper - just anything you are thinking, feeling, it doesn't even have to make sense - just write it all down as it comes. For 10 minutes. After the 10 minutes, don't read it back, burn it. Then on a new sheet of paper or in a journal, write any feelings you have after writing and burning the stream of consciousness.
And remember, healing is not linear. You will have good days, and bad days. But you are making progress, even if it doesn't feel like you are.
|
|
|
|
Post by elizabeth33 on May 25, 2018 20:02:40 GMT
Thanks everyone, I appreciate your kindness. Was walking this morning and thought that dating him was like answering the door and finding a starving beggar. I said I have food come on in. But as if entranced he takes my hand and leads me outside and I go. He walks into my house and closed the door on me and ate all my food and enjoyed my fire while I pounded on the door desperate to be let in. And that something in me thought if only he is feeling better he'll let me in. He did feel better, and then abandoned me. Now I know that will not get you what you want and need. Find a whole person, not a starving man. He's starving because of poor choices, and his choices and not and should not be my responsibility.
|
|
|
|
Post by mrob on May 25, 2018 23:18:31 GMT
Not necessarily bad choices. It’s not that straight forward - in my case, anyway.
When I’m activated, it’s not a decision of the will. The engulfment petrifies me and reason takes a while to catch up. I only have reason because I’m aware of this stuff and am here listening and talking to others.
It’s certainly not your business to fix him though.
|
|
