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Post by Deleted on May 31, 2018 12:37:50 GMT
i shared this on another forum, i am pretty raw and triggered by past trauma these days so it's hard for me to delve as deeply into these topics as i would like to eventually. it's another layer, deeper and deeper i go, it's painful. and liberating. anyway here is the resource i would like to share. healingtraumacenter.com/attachment-styles-2/ |
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Post by Deleted on Jun 2, 2018 11:59:41 GMT
Thank you for the resource, it's very helpful. I find that I'm a combination of several types after all! 
The more indifferent I become about finding "The One", the healthier I feel my life has become. I feel my passion for other pursuits are rekindled, since I've stopped seeing or talking to exDA.
It is also being with my AP friend who feels that something is missing in her life without a man that is adversely affecting my own perception of my single life.  I have no idea when and if I will meet a Secure one day, but being fine with that for now is helping with the recovery from the pining. I guess I'm trying the reverse now, to slowly pull her towards building her own happy life, and not feeling like she cannot be happy without a man in her life.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 2, 2018 12:35:52 GMT
@curious, i am glad you find it helpful.
i have done an incredible amount of healing over the last twenty years or so, but it wasn't until recently that i could fully appreciate what i have overcome.
a severe situation indeed, in my family of origins.
as i share the stories and details of it, even professionals gasp, and that is somewhat painful just because i feel sad and dismayed about having to endure that by myself.
so, my mother's impending death and final attempts at cruelty have brought things out for me to re-examine and lay to rest.
i am evaluating things to retain and things to discard, in my life, in order to move closer to my authenticity.
i have released a couple of relationships in light of all this, my mentor calls this a Celebration of Elimination as i release myself from old patterns and step into my freedom of self even more.
I am learning a lot, the waves of emotion pass over and through me but down drag me to the depths.
Just an ongoing process.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 2, 2018 13:06:58 GMT
What an achievement! You are right - you need to discard those horrible memories as they do not serve you at your present moment, especially as you move towards becoming Secure.
The more you let go and forget this past, and forgive your disordered parent, the healthier and more secure you will be. Do it for yourself.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 2, 2018 13:45:21 GMT
What an achievement! You are right - you need to discard those horrible memories as they do not serve you at your present moment, especially as you move towards becoming Secure. The more you let go and forget this past, and forgive your disordered parent, the healthier and more secure you will be. Do it for yourself. twice you have mentioned my need to forgive my disordered parent, but you may not realize that i spent a three year deep process to arrive at forgiveness. that's not what's most important for me now. And , with a situation so cruel, you can bet that i had to forgive the unforgiveable time and time again in order to cope and survive. The path to liberation, for me, lies in clarity and releasing, not forgiveness. every path is different. |
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I have no idea when and if I will meet a Secure one day, but being fine with that for now is helping with the recovery from the pining. I guess I'm trying the reverse now, to slowly pull her towards building her own happy life, and not feeling like she cannot be happy without a man in her life.