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Post by Deleted on Jul 11, 2018 14:32:24 GMT
The avoidant I've been dealing with for 3 years disappeared 7 weeks ago after asking me how my day was. I thought he had moved on which was fine with me but then he sends me a text this past Sunday saying hello. I didn't go off I kept it cordial. I told him I thought he was done and he said "I just need you to chill and let things flow" really? Ironically I haven't heard from him since then hence another dance although after reading these stories Im starting to get turned off by him. Those strong needy feelings are starting to subside and I really don't care if he contacts me again. Do I care for him? of course and ill admit Im not ready for things to end. I am aware of the dance and who we are. Im having a hard time believing this is nit the guy I met 3 years ago..he has become distant cold and selfish AMD maybe a small part of me longs for the guy I met to return but knows it probably want happen. For now Im working on me my business and my health. If he contacts me fine if not even better Oh man, i guarantee if a man disappeared for seven weeks after asking me how i am, it would be good for him not to contact me again, simply because it would be a waste of his time and it would mean, sadly, that he harbors some sort of egotistical delusion that i would be receptive to him after such blatant disrespect. |
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Post by recovering71 on Jul 12, 2018 18:37:49 GMT
My post was in response to why da come back. I used my example by saying what he said which was that I need to chill and let things flow so obviously Im assuming he stayed gone that long because my ap tendencies kicked in. Who knows what goes on in their minds, I've started to lose interest AMD can really care less at this point
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Post by leavethelighton on Jul 12, 2018 23:49:57 GMT
Recovering71, that guy sounds...uh, challenging. ... "Chill" seems to be code for "your feelings make me uncomfortable, pretend you don't have any." I suppose that works for some people and some friendships, but if you want a friendship that is steady/reliable or reciprocating, it may be inevitably disappointing. He could have asked you to tell him more about why you were upset, genuinely considered what you had to say, and had a mature conversation about it.
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Post by recovering71 on Jul 13, 2018 0:51:15 GMT
Recovering71, that guy sounds...uh, challenging. ... "Chill" seems to be code for "your feelings make me uncomfortable, pretend you don't have any." I suppose that works for some people and some friendships, but if you want a friendship that is steady/reliable or reciprocating, it may be inevitably disappointing. He could have asked you to tell him more about why you were upset, genuinely considered what you had to say, and had a mature conversation about it. |
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Post by recovering71 on Jul 13, 2018 0:51:44 GMT
Recovering71, that guy sounds...uh, challenging. ... "Chill" seems to be code for "your feelings make me uncomfortable, pretend you don't have any." I suppose that works for some people and some friendships, but if you want a friendship that is steady/reliable or reciprocating, it may be inevitably disappointing. He could have asked you to tell him more about why you were upset, genuinely considered what you had to say, and had a mature conversation about it. |
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Post by recovering71 on Jul 13, 2018 0:56:15 GMT
Crazy part is I haven't heard from him since he initiated contact last Sunday. He has the audacity to say Im not wrapped tight yet he text me Sunday as if nothing happened, sent a nude pic of himself then video called me so I can watch him jack off only to disappear again yet Im the in unwrapped? Prior to his 7 week hiatus., he sent a text asking me how my day was. I answered great and then asked how his day was to which he gave no response and started the silent treatment. I wish I had caught this sooner before falling for him but reading these boards are giving me the strength to eventually end this dance
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Post by Deleted on Jul 13, 2018 1:12:15 GMT
Crazy part is I haven't heard from him since he initiated contact last Sunday. He has the audacity to say Im not wrapped tight yet he text me Sunday as if nothing happened, sent a nude pic of himself then video called me so I can watch him jack off only to disappear again yet Im the in unwrapped? Prior to his 7 week hiatus., he sent a text asking me how my day was. I answered great and then asked how his day was to which he gave no response and started the silent treatment. I wish I had caught this sooner before falling for him but reading these boards are giving me the strength to eventually end this dance ok- this guy is using you for sex and providing minimal interaction to warm you up for his sexual ambitions. this is not a relationship. he is not "distancing" because of you being AP. he is using you periodically and sees that you are dancing to his tune so he continues to use you for sexual gratification . it seems pretty much like he is using you as a source of Narcissistic Supply. please don't confuse this with a relationship dynamic of DA-AP because this is a different dynamic completely. |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 13, 2018 1:12:51 GMT
plus he is emotionally abusive.
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Post by recovering71 on Jul 13, 2018 1:16:02 GMT
He is an avoidant. The reason he sent the video is because we have nit had sex yet and he is horny. He shows very little emotion is non affectionate and displays avoidant behavior. .Im not confused about anything. He started with the silent treatments last year. I've done the research I understand our dynamic
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Post by recovering71 on Jul 13, 2018 1:21:18 GMT
The first 2 years he was fine then I found out he was online and in adult groups and when I started complaining that's when he started the silent treatments. He is an avoidant with narcissistic traits. The distant behavior lack of affection only communicating through text acting cold these past 6 months it all makes sense. Sometimes I wonder why he stuck around so long considering we haven't had vaginal sex yet but he is def an avoidant
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Post by Deleted on Jul 13, 2018 1:22:47 GMT
He is an avoidant. The reason he sent the video is because we have nit had sex yet and he is horny. He shows very little emotion is non affectionate and displays avoidant behavior. .Im not confused about anything. He started with the silent treatments last year. I've done the research I understand our dynamic oh cool, that's good. your first post on this forum you were asking advice but now i see you don't really want feedback you don't agree with , and as a dismissive i probably don't know much about typical avoidant behavior so i will definitely zip it, sorry. 🙂 |
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Post by recovering71 on Jul 13, 2018 1:29:04 GMT
The question posted was why do avoidants return I gave my example of him returning after 7 weeks that's all not here to argue just read others stories and try to heal from this nightmare and get support not someone telling me he's a narcissist
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Post by Deleted on Jul 13, 2018 1:33:16 GMT
The question posted was why do avoidants return I gave my example of him returning after 7 weeks that's all not here to argue just read others stories and try to heal from this nightmare and get support not someone telling me he's a narcissist i won't interact with your posts at all in the future, , i am here to answer questions from a dismissive perspective and we all can be here for what we want, there isn't a censor so it's all good. 👍 |
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Post by ulrike21 on Jul 13, 2018 3:33:23 GMT
I am with Juniper on this. This man/relationship sounds extremely dysfunctional - and trust me I know about dysfunction.
Neither of you are being genuine. Neither of you are growing from this. It is not healthy or normal.
You will be happier in the future without this man in your life.
A good relationship is easy. I have experienced it. You don't have to second guess, search the internet, boards or anything.
A decent relationship keeps you preoccupied enough not to have time to even search these websites.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 13, 2018 3:42:14 GMT
I am with Juniper on this. This man/relationship sounds extremely dysfunctional - and trust me I know about dysfunction. Neither of you are being genuine. Neither of you are growing from this. It is not healthy or normal. You will be happier in the future without this man in your life. A good relationship is easy. I have experienced it. You don't have to second guess, search the internet, boards or anything. A decent relationship keeps you preoccupied enough not to have time to even search these websites. yep and lots of posters have the integrity to point out the differences between dismissive avoidant behavior and narcissistic behavior. me included. nobody is obliged to agree but only they need to live their reality. it's all good. |
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