Please help me de-code this mess. I'm emotionally exhausted.

The moment he said it was a two way street...that would have been a good time to simply acknowledge what he had to say..even if you disagreed with him...but you can tell your response did not address what was triggering to him..so he said it again..only this time he used the word "effort" which is a stronger word..carries more weight. Because you are in it..this likely felt like "blame"..and you see how you even added that you have been putting in effort after that comment. However, somehow, he is feeling like you are not...at least..he is saying from his point of view something is skewed. He may not even be talking about effort to communicate..that may just be a convenient place for him to speak to it...but he was rattled..and then you became rattled and you were talking at each other and not to each other. Does that help?

Your last text to him was that you were not going to contact him, that he could contact you.  The other thing is I don't know if he is still triggered or receptive to you reaching out.  You could always wait and if he does not reach out tomorrow, you could send him a quick text asking how he is and that you missed seeing him.  He sounds easily triggered....are you sure you want to work around his triggering?  From that short text, he does not sound like he is really able to meet you half way and work with you on your triggering..that may end up leading you to feel resentful.

Texting is a really flawed mode of communication. Either way, when you’re both triggered, nothing good is going to come out of it. If you’re not getting your needs met after 7 years, then step out of the dynamic. That’s a long time to waste if you really want more, and the other person is not willing/able to come to the party, or have an open conversation to move forward.

I would really feel manipulated with the last comment about sabotage. It might be something as simple as getting used to a balance between AP phone bombing and DA silence. Finding that medium.

A really good rule of thumb is to always use "I" when speaking to someone regardless of communication vehicle. I am AP, so I get where you are coming from and I see in your last post a form of justification...my needs get met...sometimes.  It is that "sometimes" that keeps us hooked..because I bet if he did not meet your needs at all you would be able to move on from him.  Instead, you are getting a breadcrumb and trying to make a meal out of it (hoping that if you just stick in it long enough, you will be rewarded with the actual meal).  I have been there too.

If I am going to be really honest...you catering to his triggers is not going to, in the end, change who he is. I know I thought that if I could just learn enough about attachment theory and change my behavior..surely he would also change as a result (or at least I would become more of what he wanted and thus he would never consider anyone else). All that will change is your awareness of his triggers, it will not change his attachment style..it will not heal his attachment wounding. The best thing you can do...is to stop focusing on him and really get clear about you...because a love that is worth it will not meet your needs "sometimes"... he won't ignore when you tell him something triggers you...he will be able to work through major and minor disagreements...he will want to work with you in a partnership. Someone once posted this question to me..do you spend most of your time feeling loved or longing for it? There is not a right answer, but consider where you spend most of your time....feeling loved or longing for it.

Yes, it's on me. Which is a great thing to realize because I can get myself out. It feels good to know that and to have the courage to free myself from toxic situations. I am backing off and detaching as of now.

He sounds FA or plaing games, you sound AP and both of you sound like you are in your own way and need to chill a little and not take things too personally. Look up my post on generosity of spirit.