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Post by lilyg on Jul 19, 2018 8:23:42 GMT
What a jerk. Even if he's having troubles with emotional intimacy this is just plain not ok. Stand your ground and call him out on it or ignore him.
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Post by recovering71 on Jul 19, 2018 13:48:03 GMT
It’s what I said in a previous post. He’s coming back in the hope of sex. Something to boost his ego. I’d put bets on (turn away if you’re sensitive) that he’s masturbating at the time he’s sending the nude message and getting regret afterwards, not replying. Not pretty. |
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Post by recovering71 on Jul 19, 2018 13:50:10 GMT
Funny u mentioned that because a few minutes after he sent the nude he video called me so I could watch him.jack off! He has done this before yet when I asked him to pick up the phone so.rimes and talk I get excuses. If he has someone.else which Im.sure he does, why keep talking to me?
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Post by recovering71 on Jul 19, 2018 13:53:11 GMT
Mrob., what is he getting regrets over? He text 5 days after sending the nude but the conversation was short. It angers me.because this is not the person I met 3 years ago, he just started this behaviour 1 year ago and when I researched it I found out about the anxious dismissive dance
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Post by Deleted on Jul 19, 2018 14:05:53 GMT
WELL THIS IS NOT THE ANXIOUS DISMISSIVE DANCE
and if you think these sexual exhibitionist shenanigans and huge disrespect of you IS the AP//DA dance, you are in huge denial.
i am responding to your post because you keep writing about this guy jacking off and wanting you to watch and you seem to think that's some kind of relationship and it's really a bunch of sick narcissistic exhibitionism.
Also, be careful; there are rules for content here, you could be reported for inappropriate content.
this is supposed to be a family friendly board; it's in the rules.
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Post by recovering71 on Jul 19, 2018 14:10:07 GMT
WELL THIS IS NOT THE ANXIOUS DISMISSIVE DANCE and if you think these sexual exhibitionist shenanigans and huge disrespect of you IS the AP//DA dance, you are in huge denial. i am responding to your post because you keep writing about this guy jacking off and wanting you to watch and you seem to think that's some kind of relationship and it's really a bunch of sick narcissistic exhibitionism. Also, be careful; there are rules for content here, you could be reported for inappropriate content. this is supposed to be a family friendly board; it's in the rules. |
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Post by brokenbiscuit on Jul 19, 2018 14:10:43 GMT
Attachment style or not this, guy is showing immensely disrespectful behaviour. I am sure even the most wounded avoidants among us wouldn't reappear out of nowhere after disappearing for so long with a unsolicited cock video as a way of saying "hello I'm back".
He needs to be made aware that this behaviour is not acceptable. He seems to have a lack of recognition about how he has made you feel in the time he dissappeared so abruptly. He is thinking about his own sexual gratification and nothing else. I'm sorry, but you need to be clear of this guy until he learns to recognise acceptable behaviour, attachment style or not
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Post by recovering71 on Jul 19, 2018 14:17:07 GMT
Juniper, this is the second time I've mentiimed this and its not the only thing I've mentioned. I don't have the time to write every single detail of what's been going on the past 3 years. Im mentioning events that have transpired the last year between us to vent and get support. I told you I've done the research this is an anxious avoidant dance and by the way he sent the nude because he said I told him that he never sends full nude shots he has acted in Ways as have I that let me know this is the anxious avoidant dance. Here I am trying to get support and read others stories to get perspective and strength and here you go talking about family friendly getting reported and rules. I mean no harm to anyone,just hear to vent and get advice like everyone else. I would rather someone else who is seasimed comment on my post, you're taking me the wrong way when u don't know the whole story
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Post by recovering71 on Jul 19, 2018 14:18:54 GMT
Attachment style or not this, guy is showing immensely disrespectful behaviour. I am sure even the most wounded avoidants among us wouldn't reappear out of nowhere after disappearing for so long with a unsolicited cock video as a way of saying "hello I'm back". He needs to be made aware that this behaviour is not acceptable. He seems to have a lack of recognition about how he has made you feel in the time he dissappeared so abruptly. He is thinking about his own sexual gratification and nothing else. I'm sorry, but you need to be clear of this guy until he learns to recognise acceptable behaviour, attachment style or not |
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Post by recovering71 on Jul 19, 2018 14:21:03 GMT
I agree with you it totally threw me off when he did that. He has given me the silent treatment several.to.is before and each time he came back he never did this stunt. Its just time.to move on and Im.having a hard time doing so
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Post by recovering71 on Jul 19, 2018 14:24:18 GMT
Don't be hard on yourself, recovering71 - remember that even a Secure can be pulled into AP traits with certain relationship patterns. The first steps to the healing changes are usually in response to the deep hurt of dysfunction and when the scales begin to be lifted from our eyes. Be kind to yourself and focus on you, not him. |
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Post by recovering71 on Jul 19, 2018 14:28:33 GMT
I've been needy and codependent and now that the fog is lifted Im embarrassed. When I read about the anxious avoidant dance it described our dynamic to a t and made me wonder if I want to go on with him. Its not a serious relationship so I yhougjt maybe I could just busy myself when he becomes cold and distant but the anxious triggers in me can't do that and I need to accept that and move on but a piece of me hopes things get better and that may be far fetched but its what Im feeling
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Post by Deleted on Jul 19, 2018 14:41:05 GMT
I've been needy and codependent and now that the fog is lifted Im embarrassed. When I read about the anxious avoidant dance it described our dynamic to a t and made me wonder if I want to go on with him. Its not a serious relationship so I yhougjt maybe I could just busy myself when he becomes cold and distant but the anxious triggers in me can't do that and I need to accept that and move on but a piece of me hopes things get better and that may be far fetched but its what Im feeling i sympathize with your situation , and i know it must be very hard to come to realize what has gone on here. however, remaining in denial about the dynamic is hurting you more. You deserve much better than this treatment, and i only object to the misidentification of this as DA behavior because it's obscene and extremely exploitative. it's outlier behavior, not the DA/AP dance. You may be minimizing extreme behavior in order to keep your hope alive. i hope that others can offer you the support you need. |
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Post by recovering71 on Jul 19, 2018 15:07:55 GMT
I've been needy and codependent and now that the fog is lifted Im embarrassed. When I read about the anxious avoidant dance it described our dynamic to a t and made me wonder if I want to go on with him. Its not a serious relationship so I yhougjt maybe I could just busy myself when he becomes cold and distant but the anxious triggers in me can't do that and I need to accept that and move on but a piece of me hopes things get better and that may be far fetched but its what Im feeling i sympathize with your situation , and i know it must be very hard to come to realize what has gone on here. however, remaining in denial about the dynamic is hurting you more. You deserve much better than this treatment, and i only object to the misidentification of this as DA behavior because it's obscene and extremely exploitative. it's outlier behavior, not the DA/AP dance. You may be minimizing extreme behavior in order to keep your hope alive. i hope that others can offer you the support you need. |
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Post by recovering71 on Jul 19, 2018 15:15:40 GMT
Juniper Im about to describe his characteristics as well as mines and u tell me this isn't a classic avoidant dance. When we first met he was charming respectful. He.kept in contact all the time but I noticed when it came to showing affection he would not participate..if I hugged him he wouldn't hug back, he said he didn't like to kiss he never reached out to show affection I have to do it. I placed him on a pedestal and thought if I continued to show love and affection he would appreciate it and he never did. When I started sleeking my mind 2 years later teats when he would shut down and for no contact which at first caught me off guard and would make me upset and worried that things were over. I tolerated the silent treatment and tried to just go with the flow but lately he has been too distant not as charming and the silent treatments were more frequent. Then in may he decides to disappear for 6 weeks only to pop up 2 weeks ago. Im leaning on just dealing with him from a distance and.living my life when he gives silent. .I love him or the person he presented in the beginning and its hard to let go
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