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Post by exhausteddecay on Jul 23, 2018 17:13:52 GMT
I have been deeply in love with a man for over 7 years now but recently within the last 10 months after he broke up with me I decided I had to try and emotionally detach because I was taking his emotions on to the point of losing my own identity. A few days ago he confessed that he avoids me because he'll want to hold me because I remind him of home, and he doesn't want to hold me because he is still very attracted to me and will want more. He has been distant for almost a year now after we broke up but we have remained friends. He never opens up and informed me that he kept his feelings of never stopping loving me inside because he is not good for me and will hold me back because he has given up on everything, that he doesn't deserve someone or anyone. At first I thought this was a ploy to get me to go away but I believe he truly is extremely sad. I love him with all my heart and was selfish to think if I was just good enough, if I could be the perfect girlfriend it would bring him happiness. I don't want to leave him behind but I also don't want to drown. Please help me...
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Post by kelvain on Jul 24, 2018 4:16:53 GMT
I've been where you are. Dated this girl for 10 years. We were planning on getting engaged this past Easter and married this November. She ended it this past Christmas after I gave up my house to move in with her. Like you, I was devastated. But I realized that I deserve better. And now, I am soooo relieved that we broke up! I lost my identity as I tried to do everything to make her happy. She wasn't worth it. Just like he isn't worth it for you. If someone can't treat you like you are the most important person in their life (aside from children) then they aren't worth your time or your tears.
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Post by kelvain on Jul 24, 2018 4:23:21 GMT
I have been deeply in love with a man for over 7 years now but recently within the last 10 months after he broke up with me I decided I had to try and emotionally detach because I was taking his emotions on to the point of losing my own identity. A few days ago he confessed that he avoids me because he'll want to hold me because I remind him of home, and he doesn't want to hold me because he is still very attracted to me and will want more. He has been distant for almost a year now after we broke up but we have remained friends. He never opens up and informed me that he kept his feelings of never stopping loving me inside because he is not good for me and will hold me back because he has given up on everything, that he doesn't deserve someone or anyone. At first I thought this was a ploy to get me to go away but I believe he truly is extremely sad. I love him with all my heart and was selfish to think if I was just good enough, i f I could be the perfect girlfriend it would bring him happiness. I don't want to leave him behind but I also don't want to drown. Please help me... You would never have been able to be the perfect girlfriend regardless of how hard you may have tried because it wouldn't have ever mattered. Either he didn't appreciate you or he was incapable of it. |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 24, 2018 13:11:37 GMT
I have been deeply in love with a man for over 7 years now but recently within the last 10 months after he broke up with me I decided I had to try and emotionally detach because I was taking his emotions on to the point of losing my own identity. A few days ago he confessed that he avoids me because he'll want to hold me because I remind him of home, and he doesn't want to hold me because he is still very attracted to me and will want more. He has been distant for almost a year now after we broke up but we have remained friends. He never opens up and informed me that he kept his feelings of never stopping loving me inside because he is not good for me and will hold me back because he has given up on everything, that he doesn't deserve someone or anyone. At first I thought this was a ploy to get me to go away but I believe he truly is extremely sad. I love him with all my heart and was selfish to think if I was just good enough, i f I could be the perfect girlfriend it would bring him happiness. I don't want to leave him behind but I also don't want to drown. Please help me... You would never have been able to be the perfect girlfriend regardless of how hard you may have tried because it wouldn't have ever mattered. Either he didn't appreciate you or he was incapable of it. not only may he not appreciate it or be capable of reciprocating, if you are AP then you are also emotionally unavailable and will try to be a "perfect girlfriend" according to your own perspective of what that is, which would be skewed by early attachment wounding and internal dysfunction. So, if this is an AP/DA dynamic, it is unhealthy on both sides. I am not sure what help you are looking for exhausteddecay, but i would encourage you to really get in touch with any rescuing dynamic in yourself, also any unresolved attachment wounding that would have you placing yourself in an attachment to a person who has made themselves unavailable for a mutually beneficial and satisfying relationship. In the case of mood disorders, addictions, or any other condition that renders a person unavailable, it may be helpful to refer them to objective professional or community support systems so they can get the guidance and intervention they may need from sources who are not emotionally invested in relationship or in having their own needs met. This kind of help is likely to be most beneficial to someone who is depressed to the point of giving up. |
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