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Post by notalone on Jul 24, 2018 17:03:42 GMT
Notalone - it must be tough for you right now. You are not going to die. It is the feelings from your past that overwhelms you. (your survival instincts) Loosing yourself is a lot worse than loosing this guy. Even if you do not get it or understand it, I can recommend the watertank exercise. I has helped soooo many people I know. Maybe you need support, before you can do it by yourself. The ambivalent often needs support from other people, to be able to calm down their nerveussystem. Again you have to get the locked energy out of your nerveussystem, so that you do not get so flooded by feelings from the past. It can also help to not obsess about the guy. Maybe you can find an attatchment/trauma/SE therapist in your area, who can help you. Getting somebody to touch you on your arm or on your back or your foot, can also be helpfull. You can also put a hand on your hart, to calm down when you are done with the exercise. jebkinnisonforum.com/thread/880/self-regulating-exercisesanne12 - Thank-you. Sunday was a horrible day for me. I tried to read about and do the watertank exercise but I couldn't do it, I could hardly read, I was so overwhelmed. I didn't know what to do.
I don't understand these feelings. I know what I've read but it's hard to separate if I really like him, if it's my attachment anxiety, or what? Of course it feels like it's him. But when I think about it logically it seems like it's not just him, it's me. I dunno. I'm so tired.
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Post by tnr9 on Jul 24, 2018 17:20:55 GMT
Notalone - it must be tough for you right now. You are not going to die. It is the feelings from your past that overwhelms you. (your survival instincts) Loosing yourself is a lot worse than loosing this guy. Even if you do not get it or understand it, I can recommend the watertank exercise. I has helped soooo many people I know. Maybe you need support, before you can do it by yourself. The ambivalent often needs support from other people, to be able to calm down their nerveussystem. Again you have to get the locked energy out of your nerveussystem, so that you do not get so flooded by feelings from the past. It can also help to not obsess about the guy. Maybe you can find an attatchment/trauma/SE therapist in your area, who can help you. Getting somebody to touch you on your arm or on your back or your foot, can also be helpfull. You can also put a hand on your hart, to calm down when you are done with the exercise. jebkinnisonforum.com/thread/880/self-regulating-exercisesanne12 - Thank-you. Sunday was a horrible day for me. I tried to read about and do the watertank exercise but I couldn't do it, I could hardly read, I was so overwhelmed. I didn't know what to do.
I don't understand these feelings. I know what I've read but it's hard to separate if I really like him, if it's my attachment anxiety, or what? Of course it feels like it's him. But when I think about it logically it seems like it's not just him, it's me. I dunno. I'm so tired.
Was there something specific about Sunday? Some memory associated with that day? I completely understand and am available if you just need to PM with someone. No judgement if all you can do is simply talk about how you miss him. I think it is so brave of you to not reach out to him at those times or to try to move on to someone else to move the focus elsewhere. Keep pressing in...we are here for you. |
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Post by tnr9 on Jul 24, 2018 17:24:46 GMT
Hey Juniper, thank you for your honesty. It sounds like you did not even access your fear of intimacy with the AP partners...you just felt overwhelmed by their neediness..and as such, you could not even begin to heal the fear of intimacy until you actually could sense it. I wonder if (as an AP) there is a fear that I am not dealing with because it is masked/covered by my gyrations over the guy I saw. Definately something to consider.
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Post by anne12 on Jul 24, 2018 17:31:02 GMT
Unfortunatly I do not have a guided exercise in english. Maybe you can just do the short version: Sit on a hard chair, feel you seat knots. If you can not feel you seat knots, move your hips from side to side. Then feel your legs and feet. If you can not feel your feet, wickle your toes. Try to feel the grounding into the chair and that the chair supports you right now. Let the energy flowing. Maybe there will be a shift in your breathing. With this guy, it is your attatchment system and your needyness, and that is not love-- and he is a person that triggers your old system. When you can se more clear, I bet you do not want him. I also think you can benefit from some anger meditation. You dident get any of your needs met in that relationsship. So somewhere deep down inside, you must be angry. jebkinnisonforum.com/thread/984/lifeenergy-back-anger-exercises-meditationsTry this – find a towel or a jacket or something that you can roll up into a thickness about the same as your wrist or forearm – thin enough that you can get a really good grip, but thick enough that your hands have to work a bit to grasp it. Grab that roll with your palms facing down so that you are holding onto it like you would the handlebars of a bike. Now, let all that frustration, all that anger, all that ENERGY into your hands. SQUEEZE! TWIST! MORE! Squeeze and twist that towel as if it were a neck you were trying to snap. It’s ok – it’s just a towel, your not going to hurt it’s feelings. Do this in conjunction with snarl and letting out some sound. REALLY do it. Commit all that frustration to to the task as if your life depended on it. Cause it kinda does. ————————— These two simple exercise are simple and powerfully effective ways to transform frustration and anger. They also can potentially break a dam that’s been holding back helplessness and grief so make sure that you are in a place that is safe when you do them. If you’re at work go to the bathroom or close your office door. If you have no safe place at the moment then tell your frustration to wait till you get to the car or home – trust me, it will still be there! The KEY to these practices working for you is that you feel the ENERGY!! www.leonardjacobson.com/teachings/audio?audio=The_Key_To_Presence_9 |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 24, 2018 17:58:55 GMT
Hey Juniper, thank you for your honesty. It sounds like you did not even access your fear of intimacy with the AP partners...you just felt overwhelmed by their neediness..and as such, you could not even begin to heal the fear of intimacy until you actually could sense it. I wonder if (as an AP) there is a fear that I am not dealing with because it is masked/covered by my gyrations over the guy I saw. Definately something to consider. yes i would agree i could not access fear or intimacy with AP partners because emotionally it was exhausting and like constantly tying to keep my head above water to address their emotional needs. i felt continually betrayed by their misery over who i was, fundamentally. it was doggy-paddling in an ocean and there was no intimacy to be had. i didn't even want it to be truthful, after time. i just wanted to relax. |
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Post by notalone on Jul 24, 2018 20:29:22 GMT
anne12 - Thank-you. Sunday was a horrible day for me. I tried to read about and do the watertank exercise but I couldn't do it, I could hardly read, I was so overwhelmed. I didn't know what to do.
I don't understand these feelings. I know what I've read but it's hard to separate if I really like him, if it's my attachment anxiety, or what? Of course it feels like it's him. But when I think about it logically it seems like it's not just him, it's me. I dunno. I'm so tired.
Was there something specific about Sunday? Some memory associated with that day? I completely understand and am available if you just need to PM with someone. No judgement if all you can do is simply talk about how you miss him. I think it is so brave of you to not reach out to him at those times or to try to move on to someone else to move the focus elsewhere. Keep pressing in...we are here for you. Thanks Juniper. I will likely PM you. I really appreciate the offer. |
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Post by tnr9 on Jul 24, 2018 20:38:24 GMT
Hey Juniper, thank you for your honesty. It sounds like you did not even access your fear of intimacy with the AP partners...you just felt overwhelmed by their neediness..and as such, you could not even begin to heal the fear of intimacy until you actually could sense it. I wonder if (as an AP) there is a fear that I am not dealing with because it is masked/covered by my gyrations over the guy I saw. Definately something to consider. yes i would agree i could not access fear or intimacy with AP partners because emotionally it was exhausting and like constantly tying to keep my head above water to address their emotional needs. i felt continually betrayed by their misery over who i was, fundamentally. it was doggy-paddling in an ocean and there was no intimacy to be had. i didn't even want it to be truthful, after time. i just wanted to relax. Yes...I understand...how can I see you if I am too busy trying to get my needs met because I am activated. I am sorry you felt unseen, unheard and unappreciated for who you are. It is one of the reasons I am working on boundaries and owning my feelings...if I can own my side of the fence, that frees me up to see you in a more realistic and accurate light. Not always easy to do I confess...but I am inching my way there. |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 24, 2018 23:47:51 GMT
it's a long process on either side of the fence for sure! i continually make progress, and continually gain new insights. i don't mind if i have to keep at it for the rest of my days, it's pays off  |
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