Cold businesslike tone during phone calls... a DA thing?

Both my mom and dad did this....it felt like I was on a clock and they needed to get into other things. I used to take it so personally...as if I was a bother to them...but now I simply keep my phone calls short and don't expect much and usually I end the call first.   I think to Juniper's post above..it depends on the nature of the relationship and the interpretation of the other other person's attachment. I think part of the challange with insecure attachment is to not jump to conclusions about why your partner does things..but to ask him/her with an open and curious mind.

Exactly!!! Someone above mentioned that with a lot of DAs, the things they do are in reaction to a perceived attempt at closeness from a partner. But in the case with my ex boyfriend, often this would happen when we were just having routine calls, like setting times to meet up later, or making plans.

I don't care what your attachment style is, talking to your significant other like they are low priority and you can't even be bothered to use a pleasant tone with them, like they are a person... this is just not okay. If you have intimacy issues that severe, that get triggered by even just routine checking in calls with your SO, then you probably need to take a break from dating, and get yourself some therapy so you can be a healthy, loving partner in future.

It's my impression that being avoidant doesn't automatically mean you'll be incapable of being a decent partner to someone. It just means you get triggered by intimacy and it makes you pull away. You can still be a stand up person, not a jerk. Talking to your SO in a cold, dismissive tone (and my ex would do this unpredictably, sometimes he was fine) is just rude and unnecessary. And I think Helsbells summed it well by saying that the reaction to this from the non-avoidant partner is usually going to be feeling like you can't discuss any of your thoughts with this person, and you have to carefully monitor your communication with them. I can't think of any greater relationship-killer than feeling like you can't share your thoughts and feelings with your partner. This is what happened to me with my ex.

In full disclosure, my ex is a DA with a lot of narcissism thrown in. I always wondered if the cold, indifferent, dismissive tone during phone calls fell more into the DA camp, or the Narcissism camp. Narcissists will do things like this in order to reinforce their dominance and superiority in the relationship, not as a reaction to attempts at intimacy from their partner. And Narcissists will actually seek out AP types bc they are easier to emotionally control, once the Narcissist figures out the right buttons to push to keep the AP in a heightened state of anxiety and suspense at all times. My ex was brilliant at this. They want you to never really know where you stand with them. A DA is motivated by totally different things.