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Post by ocarina on Aug 4, 2018 19:17:05 GMT
My defacto state is one of almost pathological calm - we had a big traumatic incident at work last week - and I find while everyone around me is in panic mode, I become even more calm and rational. It's a great thing in some ways - particularly in my work (medical) but underneath all this comes the realisation that in some way I am scared to feel. In particular to feel fear seems really alarming, as though the fear could overtake me completely and I'll go bonkers.
I saw my ex partner earlier in the week - he is not well, I am not sure if it's serious and given he didn't share it with me I don't feel it's my place to ask, but potentially it may be. I found myself feeling almost in a panic this afternoon with fear - but on examination the fear stemmed from the feeling of fear rather than the actual situation if that makes sense? Almost as though experiencing fear spun me into a spiral and for that reason I needed to zone out - in fact on this occasion I didn't escape the emotion but sat with it until, of course, it disappeared.
Is this something anyone else can recognise in themselves?
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Post by brokenbiscuit on Aug 4, 2018 19:51:06 GMT
Is the "zone out" a type of dissociation? As in almost a catacombic zombie like state where you don't quite feel alive or emotionally attuned to your surroundings? If so, that's something I have felt myself many times during moments of high emotional drama, be it real or perceived.
My understanding is that it's the Freeze factor coming into play, how our brain reacts to a perceived threat or fear based situation.
Grounding yourself and making yourself more aware of your current thought process seems to be the way to break from this spell, but it appears that is something you already have experience of doing to bring yourself around. So nothing else to add except... Yeah, me too!
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Post by mrob on Aug 5, 2018 23:30:08 GMT
Yep. The bigger the event, the calmer I am. I never get tripped by the boulders, it’s the pebbles.
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Post by ocarina on Aug 6, 2018 20:13:51 GMT
Is the "zone out" a type of dissociation? As in almost a catacombic zombie like state where you don't quite feel alive or emotionally attuned to your surroundings? If so, that's something I have felt myself many times during moments of high emotional drama, be it real or perceived. My understanding is that it's the Freeze factor coming into play, how our brain reacts to a perceived threat or fear based situation. Grounding yourself and making yourself more aware of your current thought process seems to be the way to break from this spell, but it appears that is something you already have experience of doing to bring yourself around. So nothing else to add except... Yeah, me too! I often don't feel emotionally attuned - I think it may come down the a kind of fear of feeling that I mentioned in another thread - it's not really a freeze as such, since I am pretty functional, practically at least, just a kind of emotional detachment which appears at times of high pressure, when others are emotionally charged. I ground now by physically regaining sensation - doing some kind of body scan and feeling feet on the ground, but emotionally I am not really there. |
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Post by brokenbiscuit on Aug 6, 2018 20:22:23 GMT
Oh yes, with the freeze you are still physically capable and you are coherent. You just feel blank inside. I had it the other week with a girl I was dating. We went back to hers and I was in her garden smoking a cigarette. It was obvious intimacy was going to occur later in the evening and my stupid brain decided to detect this as "omg emotional threat incoming" and I zoned out. Freeze.
I think you may be experiencing what I have and its called disassociation. I believe its a common thing with fearful avoidants. And the way you describe of breaking out of it (grounding and body scans) is the same technique I use, bringing yourself acutely back to the present by acknowledging your senses and surrounds.
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Post by ocarina on Aug 6, 2018 20:40:43 GMT
Yep. The bigger the event, the calmer I am. I never get tripped by the boulders, it’s the pebbles. Me too - and often the surface appears eerily smooth so everyone thinks I am some kind of enlightened being. Ha ha. |
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Post by ocarina on Aug 6, 2018 20:45:54 GMT
Oh yes, with the freeze you are still physically capable and you are coherent. You just feel blank inside. I had it the other week with a girl I was dating. We went back to hers and I was in her garden smoking a cigarette. It was obvious intimacy was going to occur later in the evening and my stupid brain decided to detect this as "omg emotional threat incoming" and I zoned out. Freeze. I think you may be experiencing what I have and its called disassociation. I believe its a common thing with fearful avoidants. And the way you describe of breaking out of it (grounding and body scans) is the same technique I use, bringing yourself acutely back to the present by acknowledging your senses and surrounds. Yes - sounds pretty similar - mind you at least you do dating - I kind of can't bear the thought. Did put an OLD profile up a little while ago and was so freaked out by all the instant attention that I deleted it straight away. I get plenty of offers - and occasionally force myself out but the pressure of a date as such is always just to much and enough to send me running for the hills. Most of my long term love interests have been no pressure friends for a long time before anything develops romantically. I have never had an AP partner - I scare them off at the first hurdle and most secures say I don't show enough interest to persuade them I am keen so they usually give up. It may in part be as a result of my uber cool exterior - totally unintentional and not cultivated but that's what I have been told. |
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Post by brokenbiscuit on Aug 6, 2018 22:37:01 GMT
It's different for everyone isn't it. I'm really good at the initial stages of online dating for some reason. The last girl I dated said I was "fascinating" 😁, which made me laugh. I really enjoy it and gets me out there meeting new weird people which I like
It's whenever things get to the "let's make this official stage" that I really freak out, so my relationships rarely last past two months 😁
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Post by mrob on Aug 7, 2018 0:10:37 GMT
It's different for everyone isn't it. I'm really good at the initial stages of online dating for some reason. The last girl I dated said I was "fascinating" 😁, which made me laugh. I really enjoy it and gets me out there meeting new weird people which I like It's whenever things get to the "let's make this official stage" that I really freak out, so my relationships rarely last past two months 😁 Isn’t that interesting. I can talk to anyone for 40 minutes. Online dating is just horrendous. My physical appearance puts people off, and I can’t belueve how many women are still focussed on “soulmates!” People who have already been through the wringer looking to repeat the process looking for the same things. Surely dating is a process of assessing compatibility, seeing if you like each other’s company. Such pressure from the beginning. |
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Post by Deleted on Aug 27, 2018 10:03:18 GMT
My defacto state is one of almost pathological calm - we had a big traumatic incident at work last week - and I find while everyone around me is in panic mode, I become even more calm and rational. It's a great thing in some ways - particularly in my work (medical) but underneath all this comes the realisation that in some way I am scared to feel. In particular to feel fear seems really alarming, as though the fear could overtake me completely and I'll go bonkers. I saw my ex partner earlier in the week - he is not well, I am not sure if it's serious and given he didn't share it with me I don't feel it's my place to ask, but potentially it may be. I found myself feeling almost in a panic this afternoon with fear - but on examination the fear stemmed from the feeling of fear rather than the actual situation if that makes sense? Almost as though experiencing fear spun me into a spiral and for that reason I needed to zone out - in fact on this occasion I didn't escape the emotion but sat with it until, of course, it disappeared. Is this something anyone else can recognise in themselves? Hi Ocarino - I totally get the dissociation thing in really stressful situations. I believe this is still related to your experience, be it a serious or perceived threat (to safety ... either real safety, or perceived because of ... shame...). I realise I developed that way to cope (in really dangerous historic situations) and it still happens with me. I remember a particular event (a serious, life-threatening one), I was cold, matter of fact and functioning well, but sort of numbed whilst the people around me were hysterical, I remember thinking that I should be reacting like them and sort of forced myself to show something. However, over the following days, they got better, I got worse (but I didn't tell anyone). I do pride myself on this weird ability to cope in really bad situations but at the same time, it's not normal and there is a cost. I have learnt to express myself and feel over years - a lot of it is addressing the shame of feeling, having not been allowed to express growing up (even when it was terrifying). I am still dealing with shame from it, but gradually less so and also validation from others at times that it is normal / healthy to feel / express, etc. Have a look at overcoming shame - because that often underlies the fear to feel. Hugs x |
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