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Post by Deleted on Sept 19, 2018 16:10:48 GMT
So the journey continues - I have been away and now my beloved is also - but in between we made time for each other, more than previously and did some basic things for the joy of togetherness - cycled to a cafe, walked on the hills. No fear of it being too much or walking on eggshells and no fear of not being enough or being too goofy or honest. This is what seems to be missing in so many relationships where needs are not being met - the alterations in behaviour to keep the relationship on track are just so plain exhausting. The worries about doing it right. Let go of that and maybe then it will just happen right anyway? Or maybe not and then you know if wasn't meant to be. Anyway - all is well with the two of us at present, although given we're both DA it's likely that the geographical distance isn't challenging either of us too much - but whatever, it's lovely to have a pleasant and companionable friendship that's about being real. It's as though when he dropped his defences and told me he loved me, it gave me permission to do the same. I am so happy for you. Love hearing this. |
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Post by Deleted on Sept 19, 2018 16:31:41 GMT
So the journey continues - I have been away and now my beloved is also - but in between we made time for each other, more than previously and did some basic things for the joy of togetherness - cycled to a cafe, walked on the hills. No fear of it being too much or walking on eggshells and no fear of not being enough or being too goofy or honest. This is what seems to be missing in so many relationships where needs are not being met - the alterations in behaviour to keep the relationship on track are just so plain exhausting. The worries about doing it right. Let go of that and maybe then it will just happen right anyway? Or maybe not and then you know if wasn't meant to be. Anyway - all is well with the two of us at present, although given we're both DA it's likely that the geographical distance isn't challenging either of us too much - but whatever, it's lovely to have a pleasant and companionable friendship that's about being real. It's as though when he dropped his defences and told me he loved me, it gave me permission to do the same. *high five!!! love this! ❤️❤️❤️ |
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Post by ocarina on Sept 19, 2018 16:40:50 GMT
I also recognise not that I am old and wise enough - that no relationship will be without its challenges - but will have a good go at sitting with the eb and flow. Thanks ladies x
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Post by goldilocks on Sept 19, 2018 17:35:03 GMT
I like that you cycled and walked together :-)
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Post by goldilocks on Sept 19, 2018 17:35:59 GMT
I also like the dropping of defenses!
Hope I can pucker up the courage to do the same :-)
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Post by Deleted on Sept 19, 2018 17:50:54 GMT
I also like the dropping of defenses! Hope I can pucker up the courage to do the same :-) you can. 🌸 |
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Post by goldilocks on Sept 19, 2018 19:42:23 GMT
I also like the dropping of defenses! Hope I can pucker up the courage to do the same :-) you can. 🌸 I'm so damn scared! |
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Post by Deleted on Sept 19, 2018 19:45:01 GMT
knowing that is half the battle. it's ok to be scared. courage , as we know, is not the absence of fear. it is moving forward in spite of it. we're here to help. 🌸 |
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Post by ocarina on Sept 19, 2018 22:46:40 GMT
I also like the dropping of defenses! Hope I can pucker up the courage to do the same :-) Goldilocks - it's fine to be scared - I still am again and again - but you know what? What I as a DA wanted more than anything else was freedom - so I hid again and again and protected myself to the hilt and it gave me a feeling of freedom but in reality I was creating my own cage by avoiding. By running from any situation that gave rise to emotions I couldn't deal with. In the end what can be worse than this - if I put myself out there, regardless of the outcome I get to be myself, to be open and honest, to be really free and after I took that risk the process itself became a joy greater than the fear and clinging to the result as such. This explains beautifully why it's so normal to hide ourselves: www.tarabrach.com/part-1-vulnerability-intimacy-awakening/You have it in you to wake up - we all do. |
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Post by Deleted on Sept 19, 2018 22:52:31 GMT
I also like the dropping of defenses! Hope I can pucker up the courage to do the same :-) Goldilocks - it's fine to be scared - I still am again and again - but you know what? What I as a DA wanted more than anything else was freedom - so I hid again and again and protected myself to the hilt and it gave me a feeling of freedom but in reality I was creating my own cage by avoiding. By running from any situation that gave rise to emotions I couldn't deal with. In the end what can be worse than this - if I put myself out there, regardless of the outcome I get to be myself, to be open and honest, to be really free and after I took that risk the process itself became a joy greater than the fear and clinging to the result as such. This explains beautifully why it's so normal to hide ourselves: www.tarabrach.com/part-1-vulnerability-intimacy-awakening/You have it in you to wake up - we all do. same same!! i love loving and being loved tho. 🌸 |
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Post by goldilocks on Sept 20, 2018 16:57:05 GMT
In the end what can be worse than this - if I put myself out there, regardless of the outcome I get to be myself, to be open and honest, to be really free and after I took that risk the process itself became a joy greater than the fear and clinging to the result as such. This
This is what I want to do.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 20, 2018 17:32:33 GMT
Goldilocks - it's fine to be scared - I still am again and again - but you know what? What I as a DA wanted more than anything else was freedom - so I hid again and again and protected myself to the hilt and it gave me a feeling of freedom but in reality I was creating my own cage by avoiding. By running from any situation that gave rise to emotions I couldn't deal with. In the end what can be worse than this - if I put myself out there, regardless of the outcome I get to be myself, to be open and honest, to be really free and after I took that risk the process itself became a joy greater than the fear and clinging to the result as such. This explains beautifully why it's so normal to hide ourselves: www.tarabrach.com/part-1-vulnerability-intimacy-awakening/You have it in you to wake up - we all do. You are beautiful! Your story is making me do the happy dance! |
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Post by ocarina on Sept 20, 2018 19:53:55 GMT
Well I am really happy to bring some joy and hope.
Goldilocks freedom is yours for the taking - once you submit to and embrace the fear there really is nothing left to fear! Letting go of expectations had been a big part of this for me - I have a firm sense of my own groundedness which has led to less need to behave in a certain was in order to manipulate others - instead now for the most part I am just quirky me. Striving to live honesty openly and fully.
It’s helped to put my core values into focus and then live with them in mind - turning towards them bit by bit. I hope everyone can enjoy such a journey.
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Post by goldilocks on Sept 21, 2018 8:17:19 GMT
I like that you cycled and walked together :-) You know why I like it so much? These are the things you actually need to be doing as self care, and you are doing it together. So you have time with him, but also time doing what you like and time away from the stuff that tires you. Win/win/win |
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Post by ocarina on Sept 21, 2018 8:47:19 GMT
I like that you cycled and walked together :-) You know why I like it so much? These are the things you actually need to be doing as self care, and you are doing it together. So you have time with him, but also time doing what you like and time away from the stuff that tires you. Win/win/win Yes - this time round we've been doing more of this kind of everyday togetherness while in the past it was usually evenings, often involved going out and or drinking. I love being outside and so does he - and since his drinking has dramatically reduced his ability to be present seems to have increased and just hanging out and even - shock horror_ making some plans in advance, which allows me to have my own life - and make space for the "our" life too. Outside of the relational sphere, I have majorly addressed my work load, which had become so extreme there was just no time for me - this week have managed to get back up and running on many counts and it feels good. Most of this comes down to treating myself as though I matter - something I have not been great at in the past. I have tended towards being superwoman - but that's exhausting and unrealistic - a little balance is a good thing. |
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