|
|
Post by happyidiot on Sept 9, 2018 22:20:25 GMT
I actually hated the concept of "the one" because it was used to justify why I was not "it". Me too. Hugs to you. It's heartbreaking to feel like someone is rejecting you because they looking for some magical person who probably can never exist, as though if only they find "the right person" everything will be effortless and feel great all the time. |
|
|
|
Post by leavethelighton on Sept 10, 2018 1:09:00 GMT
Elizabeth Gilbert's bit is very appealing, but maybe it's mostly appealing if you're an AP who wants to think your DA who tore you up emotionally and then left is indeed your "soulmate." Just saying. I sometimes think people create paradigms (twin flames and such) because we just don't want to REALLY think that all that feeling we had was for naught. Like it all led to nothing relationally and was hopeless and painful, but that's okay, because the person was our "twin flame." My take on it was that she was saying that what most people like to call a "soulmate" is usually someone you feel inexplicably intensely drawn to, and that that person/relationship is probably actually a life lesson, and you should wake up and take that lesson instead of mistaking your desperate limerence as meaning you are meant to be with them. I don't believe a painful and "failed" relationship is "for naught" at all, it can often be a path to rapid growth and healing. For example, most people are on these boards learning about their attachment styles due to some kind of romantic crisis. I have learned immensely from my hardest relationships and sometimes they have opened interesting doors. Haven't you? Relationally it can lead to better relationships in the future. The term "soulmate" makes me think of someone in AP mode, I haven't heard secure attachers using terms like "soulmate" or "twin flame" personally, but I've heard the most intensely AP people I know use both those terms, both when they are first with the person and when things start to go sideways/they're freshly dumped, not afterwards as a label for the lessons they've learned. High anxiety makes someone more perceptive, observant and intuitive. The problem is that they can be bad at interpreting those feelings.
This is true, they are all life lessons from which much can be drawn. (Reminds me of a meme I see on Facebook a lot about how even a box of darkness can be a gift).
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 11, 2018 7:10:47 GMT
Glad you guys find it interesting! Another interesting analog, codependency and counterdepependency, which seem to roughly coorespond with AP/DA. These two sources make sense to me because of the potential for a "switch" between one insecure attachment style to another. (Which is kind of what I've experienced) www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/what-is-counterdependency.htmIn fairness, the "Attached" book also notes that under great trauma (divorce, illness, accident) the avoidant can become anxious. [br Thank you epicgum for sharing this, I found it most interesting 😊 |
|
