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Post by exhausteddecay on Aug 30, 2018 15:06:48 GMT
My close DA friend tells me every once in a while how he really feels, "you're my favorite person," "you're literally the only person I open up to," "i'm bad for you," "you feel like home," etc. BUT pushes me away much harder than any of his other friends he claims don't care about him. He spends the most time with the individuals he has mentioned numerous times don't really give a shit. Why would a DA distance themselves from the one they love the most and knows cares about them the most?
I just want to understand. Thank you.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 30, 2018 15:13:44 GMT
My close DA friend tells me every once in a while how he really feels, "you're my favorite person," "you're literally the only person I open up to," "i'm bad for you," "you feel like home," etc. BUT pushes me away much harder than any of his other friends he claims don't care about him. He spends the most time with the individuals he has mentioned numerous times don't really give a shit. Why would a DA distance themselves from the one they love the most and knows cares about them the most? I just want to understand. Thank you. there are some threads here about deactivation. you could read those to try to get some insight. if it's an attachment related issue it's due to changes in the nervous system and conditioning in early life with caregivers. in dismissive avoidant the attachment system shuts down, when triggered. different people have different triggers. the best way to understand is to try to gain insight from your friend. |
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Post by epicgum on Aug 30, 2018 21:27:24 GMT
My close DA friend tells me every once in a while how he really feels, "you're my favorite person," "you're literally the only person I open up to," "i'm bad for you," "you feel like home," etc. BUT pushes me away much harder than any of his other friends he claims don't care about him. He spends the most time with the individuals he has mentioned numerous times don't really give a shit. Why would a DA distance themselves from the one they love the most and knows cares about them the most? I just want to understand. Thank you. Because love and closeness is painful and scary. Otherwise, it's pretty irrational. It's a pretty self destructive impulse. |
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Post by Deleted on Aug 31, 2018 0:52:00 GMT
My close DA friend tells me every once in a while how he really feels, "you're my favorite person," "you're literally the only person I open up to," "i'm bad for you," "you feel like home," etc. BUT pushes me away much harder than any of his other friends he claims don't care about him. He spends the most time with the individuals he has mentioned numerous times don't really give a shit. Why would a DA distance themselves from the one they love the most and knows cares about them the most? I just want to understand. Thank you. you posted a thread about doing this yourself, and received a lot of feedback. i didn't see a response from you on that thread. there are resources available to help you test for and understand your own attachment style and push pull behavior. if you can't make sense of you, it's just a distraction to try to make sense of your friend. here's the thread you posted about your push-pull behavior. jebkinnisonforum.com/thread/1292/wrong-me |
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Post by leavethelighton on Sept 5, 2018 0:30:34 GMT
My initial thought-- people push away what is difficult for them to trust in (and not necessarily because the other person is untrustworthy or sends mixed signals-- the other person could be very trustworthy, but that doesn't mean the DA is able on a deep level to believe it). It's sort of the "I've been burned too much in the past" situation.
Sometimes we also push away that which reminds us of unintegrated parts of ourselves that we can't fully embrace.
Humans are complicated.
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