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Post by ocarina on Sept 4, 2018 22:20:39 GMT
I'm dealing with a bit uncertainty too to see if the reasons my own relationship didn't work the first time might resurface, so I can understand. It's great that you're able to keep in mind what you need from the relationship to work for you. I wish you well and I hope you both can talk about it and work on that little by little  You too lilyg. I don't want to get into an obsession with the minor details of my relationship but suffice to say, he's been in touch but we haven't yet met face to face. Communication has been sparse since he returned from a trip with his daughter last week - after a few weeks of real consistency. I know this is likely to be overwhelm with work etc - but you know, life is full of overwhelm and being to communicate in spite of this is part and parcel of the intimacy deal. There's a wise Buddhist saying I heard once that goes somewhere along the lines of "When being in love wears off - which is inevitable somewhere along the line, the real journey of learning to love begins". I feel a real sense of peace and gratitude that he was finally able to speak honestly about his feelings for me - what we had was very very special and rare and I am very much blessed. Going forward I sense that his ability to be present when under pressure is limited - and I do feel this is a core skill in a relationship. We were apart for 18 months before he finally resurfaced after I asked for his support because I was feeling hurt by his repeated "absence". The inability to communicate for long periods of time when stressed is not a healthy way to resolve inevitable conflicts - and neither is burying oneself in work. The wonderful thing is i continue to feel liberated by my own willingness to be truthful and compassionately vulnerable regardless of the outcome.That's my job! |
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Post by lilyg on Sept 5, 2018 13:39:25 GMT
You seem like you're very grounded and that you understand both yourself and him. I hope he can see that and he can be the partner you need for your journey to love . He needs to learn the skill of being more present even under pressure, yes. I hope he can do that. Keep us updated! |
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Post by Deleted on Sept 5, 2018 21:40:20 GMT
ocarina, i've been reading but unable to reply as i've had a lot on my plate, emotionally... but- sending you tight hugs. i'm glad you have the opportunity for this retreat. more will be revealed, as you go further into your true self and honor your true needs. be yourself, as you are, as fearlessly as you can, and your life will rise to meet you there. sending love! 🌸
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Post by ocarina on Sept 7, 2018 16:39:06 GMT
ocarina , i've been reading but unable to reply as i've had a lot on my plate, emotionally... but- sending you tight hugs. i'm glad you have the opportunity for this retreat. more will be revealed, as you go further into your true self and honor your true needs. be yourself, as you are, as fearlessly as you can, and your life will rise to meet you there. sending love! 🌸 Thank you - and I have. Firstly my ridiculous head had concocted some disaster zone stories about him checking out - infact the car spotted was not even his. Lesson learnt to stop the mad thinking and looking for trouble when none exists. Back in the real world, we've seen each other twice in the last couple of days and I have been so proud of my own honesty. I have fully approached him with my fear of being hurt and he gets it. Some of his communication has really hurt and I have yet to process - when we together before he never really saw any kind of future together he just wanted what we had in the now. In the now for him really meant doing his own thing re communication etc ie his comfort zone was respected and mine was not. This has changed - and of course at the moment he wants me in all ways - physically, emotionally and the rest - but he did say he has things to iron out, he's not really sure what has changed. That he feels ready to be with me and that is what he wants - and that he's been in denial about all of this for many years - but he also feels he could let go if I was to not want him. From this I sense we have grown massively in the communication department - and I also sense that he has more work to do before our relationship can truly grow to be the one I need in terms of security and intimacy and space. Whether or not this will happen I don't know and I don't think it's really my business. It's strange but I genuinely don't feel the need for a future in our relationship - but I do need the openness to one if the present is sufficiently loving and sustainable. At least now the cobwebs have been cleared - I am also clear that I am not going to throw my self into the fire by jumping into a sexual relationship or anything else for the present. With wise honest and compassionate action I am sure the future will unfold in whatever way is best. As soon as I try to force some kind of outcome in any dirrection, all is lost. |
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