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Post by writerguy on Sept 7, 2018 16:28:10 GMT
In my on-again/off-again relationship with my DA ex, EVERY time I went away, she seduced me back - with sweet emails, suddenly "I miss you so much" phone calls, etc. (I now realize my part in this and have taken steps to look for a better future for myself.) This pattern repeated for years until I finally called it off. My therapist has warned me that she will probably make contact again because DAs eventually miss their partners (even exs) given enough space. Has anyone experienced this? Is this the case? It seems like it's all on me to say "please don't contact me again." (Which I'm finally prepared to do.)
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Post by Deleted on Sept 7, 2018 16:48:54 GMT
Hi writerguy, I think you will get a lot of insight on these forums. This cycle is discussed extensively. She sounds more FA, than DA. Her anxious side kicks in when you go away. If you don't want her to contact you, then tell her. |
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Post by writerguy on Sept 7, 2018 18:08:33 GMT
Thanks. She is definitely DA, as all the distancing strategies used by DAs are present (I mean every single one.) But thanks, I'll look through the threads for cycle comments.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 7, 2018 18:46:03 GMT
Thanks. She is definitely DA, as all the distancing strategies used by DAs are present (I mean every single one.) But thanks, I'll look through the threads for cycle comments. what you're missing, is that DA doesn't tend toward heavy pursuit. that's the anxious side of FA. DA can have anxious element but the push pull is more FA. good luck, with your own internal attachment style as well, whatever that is. |
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Post by Deleted on Sept 7, 2018 18:53:06 GMT
Thanks. She is definitely DA, as all the distancing strategies used by DAs are present (I mean every single one.) But thanks, I'll look through the threads for cycle comments. The labels don't really matter, but I am suggesting threads in the FA section may be more helpful for you. A "life of loneliness" and suicidal tendencies are not the hallmarks of a DA. Good luck. I hope you find the answers you are looking for. |
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Post by Deleted on Sept 7, 2018 20:55:53 GMT
Thanks. She is definitely DA, as all the distancing strategies used by DAs are present (I mean every single one.) But thanks, I'll look through the threads for cycle comments. The labels don't really matter, but I am suggesting threads in the FA section may be more helpful for you. A "life of loneliness" and suicidal tendencies are not the hallmarks of a DA. Good luck. I hope you find the answers you are looking for. always better when one defines and studies ones own attachment style, but i agree with this guidance , FWIW |
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Post by lilyg on Sept 8, 2018 7:31:27 GMT
Yes it can happen, but it depends on how it ended and your circumstances.
I'm glad you are deciding to step back. On/off without awareness and work from both ends tend to cycle a lot. There's a lot of info around here about this 😊
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