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Post by justno on Sept 10, 2018 17:15:55 GMT
I dated a DA. This is how sex with him unfolded:
He’d remove his clothes and obsessively neatly fold them. Take drugs (cocaine or weed). Grab me in a chokehold and fuck me from behind. Ejaculate within 60 to 90 seconds. Jump up from the bed yelling “no more sex for you!” Perform a convoluted cleansing ritual. Spend the next one to two hours talking about his Phantom Ex. At this point he would either put his clothes on and drive back to his mom’s house (he lived with his mom at age 40). Or climb into bed with his back to me and fall asleep after a long monologue about his Phantom Ex.
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Post by epicgum on Sept 10, 2018 17:23:02 GMT
I mean, normal is just a setting on your dryer, but I imagine you experience is....quite rare.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 10, 2018 18:43:29 GMT
I dated a DA. This is how sex with him unfolded: He’d remove his clothes and obsessively neatly fold them. Take drugs (cocaine or weed). Grab me in a chokehold and fuck me from behind. Ejaculate within 60 to 90 seconds. Jump up from the bed yelling “no more sex for you!” Perform a convoluted cleansing ritual. Spend the next one to two hours talking about his Phantom Ex. At this point he would either put his clothes on and drive back to his mom’s house (he lived with his mom at age 40). Or climb into bed with his back to me and fall asleep after a long monologue about his Phantom Ex. that sounds like some personality disorder with the OCD- like behavior, not typical dismissive. i tell you what, if he got away with that more than once you might want to take a look at ypur involvement in that. |
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Post by lilyg on Sept 10, 2018 19:11:13 GMT
Hmm no, not very normal, frankly. Was this usual for him?
What juniper said.
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Post by justno on Sept 10, 2018 22:15:30 GMT
Hmm no, not very normal, frankly. Was this usual for him? What juniper said. It's impossible to say whether this was normal for him or not. He tried it a couple of times with me and obviously I didn't allow it to continue. It's not clear whether he did this with previous or subsequent partners. I'd say probably. In the end his behaviour crossed the line into rape and he is now out on bail for that. |
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Post by justno on Sept 10, 2018 22:16:42 GMT
I dated a DA. This is how sex with him unfolded: He’d remove his clothes and obsessively neatly fold them. Take drugs (cocaine or weed). Grab me in a chokehold and fuck me from behind. Ejaculate within 60 to 90 seconds. Jump up from the bed yelling “no more sex for you!” Perform a convoluted cleansing ritual. Spend the next one to two hours talking about his Phantom Ex. At this point he would either put his clothes on and drive back to his mom’s house (he lived with his mom at age 40). Or climb into bed with his back to me and fall asleep after a long monologue about his Phantom Ex. that sounds like some personality disorder with the OCD- like behavior, not typical dismissive. i tell you what, if he got away with that more than once you might want to take a look at ypur involvement in that. Victims of abusive behaviour are not "involved" in making an abuse abuser them. You might want to take a look at your own motivations in suggesting such a thing. |
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Post by alexandra on Sept 10, 2018 22:50:20 GMT
that sounds like some personality disorder with the OCD- like behavior, not typical dismissive. i tell you what, if he got away with that more than once you might want to take a look at ypur involvement in that. Victims of abusive behaviour are not "involved" in making an abuse abuser them. You might want to take a look at your own motivations in suggesting such a thing. Justno, juniper isn't victim blaming. You suggested you were in a relationship with this person for a little while, which implies you may have stayed in an abusive situation instead of immediately leaving. Sometimes the partner does have a personality disorder or something and really did flip a switch and there was no way to know. More often, there were some red flags first, but either the person on the receiving end had never experienced anything like it before and it took a minute to register, or the person also suffered from an insecure attachment. The board usually provides support for people looking to overcome their own insecure attachment. Frequently, people come here because they analyzed their exes, and it's not uncommon for community members to suggest the person stops focusing on the ex to look at themselves, and the person thinks things over, maybe takes the attachment test and realizes they have insecure attachment. If you're just trying to share a cautionary tale and not looking for answers or a discussion, that's something else. But no one is trying to victim blame for receiving abuse here. |
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Post by alexandra on Sept 10, 2018 22:52:15 GMT
And we're glad you're out of what sounds like a terrifying situation.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 10, 2018 23:06:42 GMT
that sounds like some personality disorder with the OCD- like behavior, not typical dismissive. i tell you what, if he got away with that more than once you might want to take a look at ypur involvement in that. Victims of abusive behaviour are not "involved" in making an abuse abuser them. You might want to take a look at your own motivations in suggesting such a thing. look justno - your question "is this normal?" is kind of absurd. you probably know that it's abusove pathological shit, based on all your other posts. So maybe he is DA, but you are posting on a recovery forum for insecurely attached individuals who are not pathological. You know he's abusive and pathological so don't play games and come on here like he's just some DA, describing stuff that you know is sick and beyond DA, unless you are prepared for some feedback you may or may not appreciate or agree with. if he's got a personality disorder, look to that for your creepy shit. Dismissive attachment is not a personality disorder. We can go around about it or not. If you want support of some kind then feel free to share that- but coming on here acting like you're just discussing DA attachment is strange in light of everything else you have shared. glad you're safe, and i stand by what i have written. |
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Post by lilyg on Sept 11, 2018 8:02:41 GMT
Hmm no, not very normal, frankly. Was this usual for him? What juniper said. It's impossible to say whether this was normal for him or not. He tried it a couple of times with me and obviously I didn't allow it to continue. It's not clear whether he did this with previous or subsequent partners. I'd say probably. In the end his behaviour crossed the line into rape and he is now out on bail for that. It's seems it's something more along the line of a PD... he sure sounds at least abusive. This is not not normal behaviour (although 'normal' during sex is a weird concept). I'm glad you're out, please don't take it personally, thought love here is sometimes made... we are all people from different backgrounds with a very wide range of relationships experiences trying to understand how attachment works. Although I believe a lot of 'sane', normal people can fall into an abusive relationship, it's a very good idea to examine what made us get there so we can avoid another bad relationship later on. Sometimes you just have bad luck, but if you see you tend to enter unbalanced relationships more often than not, you have to look at your own unavailability. That's what other posters are talking about. Have you done Jeb's attachment style test? For what's worth, I'm in a relationship with someone who has avoidant tendencies and he's nothing like this at all, not talking about exes, not this (he's actually very intimate and generous in this). Avoidance means having trouble understanding one's feelings and feeling pain/fear/disconnection when dealing with romantic relationships. Nothing more, nothing less. |
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