AP-DA on the fritz after a year.

Awareness is very important for you both as a couple, but it's just a first step towards healthy bonding. It's very sad as I can see both sides suffering because of it, and work, time and trust it's what's needed for growth. Of course, it will help if your partner is open and more empatethic. My last relationship failed because of that lack of generosity we all need from both sides.

I recommend opening and being vulnerable talking about your own feeling ('I feel x', rather than 'you do this') to open up about your dynamics together. It sure helped me, and now we've come to a place in which he tells me about his feelings without me asking anything or him being uncomfortable by my reaction (well, step by step, as we all are a bit uncomfortable opening up about certain topics hahaha).

I think is important that one person with avoidant tendencies (maybe even with AP) can talk about his/her needs. For example, trying to be open to say 'I love you', 'I care for you' etc, being aware of their own needs for connection, but also talking about his/her needs when they're feeling down or bad, like 'I need time to be alone' , 'some days I feel I cannot connect with a lot of people', 'some days I prefer not to be intimate and rest/have my body relax', 'some days I need physical connection/touch', 'some days I need more attention from you', etc. Which I think it's reasonable, relatively simple and expected in a romantic relationship.

I think sometimes these insecure attachments make people feel shame of their needs, instead of embracing them and trying to be generous with themselves and their lovers. We all want to feel accepted within a relationship, just as we are. But good relationships make us grow to our potential, they challenge us and within challenge comes true bonding. It's a weird and difficult equilibrum to be in!

Helsbells , whenever he aknowledges this, maybe you can tell your partner you understand and want him to explore that within your relationship and himself. Have you talked about attachment styles? Sorry, I cannot remember if you've already talked about this