Interacting with Avoidant Partner & Interpersonal Stress
Sept 21, 2018 10:06:50 GMT
anne12 likes this
Post by lilyg on Sept 21, 2018 10:06:50 GMT
A very interesting interviwe with Tatkin, I don't know if it has been posted 
I've search for it but I don't think so.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=2d_wA5SfwyE
Why is the country feeling so much anxiety? [1:00]
The effect that your ‘allostatic load’ has on your life [3:00]
What chronic relationship stress can do to your health [5:00]
How to not take things personally [8:00]
Learning to ‘lead with relief’ to create a safer space for each other [12:00]
A great way to handle your partner getting triggered [14:00]
Why Carl Jung didn’t like taking patients under 35 [18:00]
A rough guide to dealing with avoidant-types/islands [21:00]
Should you force your teenager to make eye contact with you? [35:00]
The power of ‘jointly attending’ with a resistant partner [37:00]
‘Parallel play’ and its hidden dangers [39:00]
How to free up resources for higher development[42:00]
The thigs I enjoyed the most:
- Lead with relief - so I felt he saw me as a foe rather than a friend sometimes and I was baffled, but I understand why now. Next step is creating a safe space. I'm leading by example and I try to do it with relief. Although I put boundaries, I try to let my ego and fears go. We are more confident with each other. We both can address our faults while still asking for our needs. It's not about acommodating but about understanding and communication.
- When in a conflict, catch and release (as anne12 taught me she's great, thanks for introducing me to him and his book) - straight to the point, 'look at me, kiss me, I love you'. Then give space. It's powerful.
- The importance of telling the other they're going to miss you when separated (never tried this, maybe someone can say something about this. I don't feel the need to do this).
-The importance of being a two person system, being on the 'same page', even if we sometimes mess up - I insist so much on this, but is nice to remember it's the basic base of relationships. If this is not being met, stressful times for both ensure. But it should not be forced, but patiently stated.
- Accept each other as we are, that way we don't become threatening to each other - then there's no interdependence stress, we get space for development and growth, we get resources instead of them draining.
I recommend this amazing post by anne12 about avoidance, it's very well-explained and made me understood much more about this:
jebkinnisonforum.com/thread/1071/healing-avoidant-da-attatchmentstyle
![]()
I hope this is is interesting for someone! I sometimes like this more 'practical' things, as sometimes I find myself under stress so it's difficult to rationalize everything (and I'm sure we all sometimes struggle with it).
I've search for it but I don't think so.www.youtube.com/watch?v=2d_wA5SfwyE
Why is the country feeling so much anxiety? [1:00]
The effect that your ‘allostatic load’ has on your life [3:00]
What chronic relationship stress can do to your health [5:00]
How to not take things personally [8:00]
Learning to ‘lead with relief’ to create a safer space for each other [12:00]
A great way to handle your partner getting triggered [14:00]
Why Carl Jung didn’t like taking patients under 35 [18:00]
A rough guide to dealing with avoidant-types/islands [21:00]
Should you force your teenager to make eye contact with you? [35:00]
The power of ‘jointly attending’ with a resistant partner [37:00]
‘Parallel play’ and its hidden dangers [39:00]
How to free up resources for higher development[42:00]
The thigs I enjoyed the most:
- Lead with relief - so I felt he saw me as a foe rather than a friend sometimes and I was baffled, but I understand why now. Next step is creating a safe space. I'm leading by example and I try to do it with relief. Although I put boundaries, I try to let my ego and fears go. We are more confident with each other. We both can address our faults while still asking for our needs. It's not about acommodating but about understanding and communication.
- When in a conflict, catch and release (as anne12 taught me
she's great, thanks for introducing me to him and his book) - straight to the point, 'look at me, kiss me, I love you'. Then give space. It's powerful.- The importance of telling the other they're going to miss you when separated (never tried this, maybe someone can say something about this. I don't feel the need to do this).
-The importance of being a two person system, being on the 'same page', even if we sometimes mess up - I insist so much on this, but is nice to remember it's the basic base of relationships. If this is not being met, stressful times for both ensure. But it should not be forced, but patiently stated.
- Accept each other as we are, that way we don't become threatening to each other - then there's no interdependence stress, we get space for development and growth, we get resources instead of them draining.
I recommend this amazing post by anne12 about avoidance, it's very well-explained and made me understood much more about this:
jebkinnisonforum.com/thread/1071/healing-avoidant-da-attatchmentstyle
