Post by chutrash on Sept 30, 2018 17:57:26 GMT
Hi I m new here. First time posting. Met a man at work 2 years ago.He is widowed 4 years Iam divorced after 30 years. We hit it off right away. He invited me to his house for dinner (day of dinner he tells me this is not a date!) OK I will go as a friend. We have a great time,talking,walking around seeing his town. OK we continue doing this ,several weeks later he says to me I am not interested in remarriage or living together, I would like a companion to do things with,travel,dinners and so on. I say this is fine with me I am just divorced. I want to have fun at this point in my life. Over the next year we do dinners,weddings,funerals,shows,family parties,holidays. I met his whole family(they adore me son and daughter told me this,I make dad happy,they haven't seen him so happy since before mom died.) He met my family. There was some insecurity on my part as it seemed I had to do a lot of the planning,but he told me that is just how it is ,the woman basically does all the planning.He also could be critical of me at times,I talk too much,I cared to much what people thought about me,I was nosy, all women are crazy. We never got together more than once or twice a week. He has custody of his grandson on weekends and that is basically his family time. But we could do things during the week. He has several big events coming up this summer he tells me the dates and times of all of them so I can be there. So my birthday comes up he completely forgets it. I am hurt by this but he calls the next day and is going to make it up to me by taking me to dinner and on a boat ride I have been wanting to go on. So next event is the next day.His sisters bring a cake for his birthday which is several days away.I say how is he going to like that he doesn't like to celebrate. They said too bad. They then ask when my birthday is I say it was several days ago,they say he never told us. I stupidly say he forgot. They immediately start teasing him. I can see he is furious he accuses me of posting it on FB. I say I dont put any information on FB his sisters back me on this.They bring cake out ,he scrapes his name off and carves my name on it and says there you wanted a birthday there is your cake,come on up and cut it! I am so humiliated I refuse he says come up and cut your cake so I do just to avoid further problems. Later on he throws cold water on me when he thought I fell asleep in a chair. So I call him to wish him a Happy Birthday the next day he doesn't answer,just get answering machine.This goes on for several weeks I finally get him and ask if I can come over to swim. He grudgingly agrees. I get there I can see he is angry playing heavy metal music ,talking about wanting to beat people up. about all these stupid women.I say you are mad ,he says Yes how did my sisters find out about your birthday,they think you are my girlfriend.I try to explain the story to him I can see he doesn't believe me.I say what do you want me to say I dont know when my birthday is.He ignores me and stares straight ahead. I work with his niece,she told me to tell her uncle and cousins about a party she was having and we were all invited. I told him this at the party. He now says It was none of your business to tell me that she is my niece she could have told me. I say she told me to tell you. He ignores me again and sits staring. I ask if he wants to uninvite me to the future parties ,Nothing. I say you think I am just a nosy busybody. Again nothing.I ask him about our boat ride he gave me for birthday, he goes what boat ride I say one you were going to take me on. He goes I dont have time for that I have parties to get ready for. He tries to change the subject to an appointment I have I answer him and say I will make it easy on you I wont be at parties. I say Thanks for use of pool and I leave. I feel something was bothering him so I try to call him several times in the next couple weeks.He did go on Boat ride with his kids and his son posted pictures on FB. I get nothing just the answering machine with no return calls. I wrote him a letter saying I was sorry that we had this problem and I wish we could talk about it he knows where I am,but if he didn't want to I wouldn't bother him again. I haven't heard from him in 3 months. I find out about Dismissive Attachment Disorder after this .Does this sound like his problem?
, if he's hurt or has emotional issues is not your battle and not your fault. This has nothing to do with his attachment style. 
learn from the past and be stronger than you were before.