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Post by alexandra on Oct 29, 2018 0:30:18 GMT
I also wanted to add that's it's no less huge that you are in a place where you can accept the love and care he has to offer! That's so much growth for any (formerly) insecure.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 29, 2018 1:43:43 GMT
I also wanted to add that's it's no less huge that you are in a place where you can accept the love and care he has to offer! That's so much growth for any (formerly) insecure. i agree, i've just never been around someone who treats me the way he does. i like accepting his care it feels really good. |
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Post by Deleted on Oct 29, 2018 1:47:47 GMT
That is huge, juniper. That's fantastic that you've been able to open up so much to him and around him and let him be there with no talk of deactivating afterwards. I'm glad you're processing your feelings about your mother, as well. It sounds like your dear friend continues to be a blessing even after she's passed on. i haven't deactivated at all. i've been very forthright about myself and what i think and feel. he also is just so open and genuine, i feel like we communicate our needs really well together and both of us have a really cooperative attitude like a team. that kind of started when he was my backup for taking care of our friend and has continued. it's a really raw way to get to know someone, and it's been an impetus for continued emotional honesty. and of course, we both seem to just be in a place where we know what we want and what we don't and we would like to see how we can make each other feel great in this. so far so good. |
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Post by lilyg on Oct 29, 2018 9:05:44 GMT
Juni, it's great that you've found someone in this time of grief. I'm very glad for you and your new journey. As alexandra said, it seems your dear friend gave you a last gift in form of a very lovely 'angel'. I wish you two the best! I know you'll both be learning a lot from each other in a very loving way. It happens to me that when I grieve something I tend to grieve for other losses in my life, sometimes it's very therapeutic. I'm very glad you were able to grieve the relationship with your mother too, it's very powerful to 'see' you do that. |
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Post by Deleted on Oct 29, 2018 14:41:27 GMT
Juni, it's great that you've found someone in this time of grief. I'm very glad for you and your new journey. As alexandra said, it seems your dear friend gave you a last gift in form of a very lovely 'angel'. I wish you two the best! I know you'll both be learning a lot from each other in a very loving way. It happens to me that when I grieve something I tend to grieve for other losses in my life, sometimes it's very therapeutic. I'm very glad you were able to grieve the relationship with your mother too, it's very powerful to 'see' you do that. thank you, lily. it does seem my friend left me a parting gift. our friendship was a good place to walk through my process with my last partner, and while i didn't share all the ins and outs of attachment theory, she was my compassionate listener and always championed my health and happiness and fulfillment. i'm so glad that i admitted my newfound needs to her, she saw them in me before i saw them myself. ah, i love her. what a friend. |
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Post by Deleted on Oct 29, 2018 15:18:43 GMT
in what i think is kind of a beautiful twist, we've had an unexpected encounter that seems to reinforce the attitude of love and compassion we share for my previous partner.
Last night i was in tremendous pain from what appears to be a viral form of step going around.
i was too sick to drive, so my new partner came to take me to the urgent care.
After we were done there, he went into my drugstore to pick up my prescription and some other things for my comfort.
while inside, he encountered my previous partner's ex wife, who had just been diagnosed with cancer.
These three, (my previous partner, his ex wife, and my current partner) have known each other many years- over 20.
they are all warm in relationship.
This was a major conflict for my previous partner- his ex wife became dreadfully ill during the divorce and declined over subsequent years. although they were romantically incompatible as life partners, there exists a deep love and respect between them. i always celebrated that and understood it, and didn't feel intimidated by it. He felt deeply inclined to provide support, emotionally, logistically, and financially to her, and i did not object at all.
There were times that it seemed her condition was improving, and that she could move on to a new life unimpeded by failing health. Then, there were declines that caused doubt and fear and also guilt on the part of my partner. He did not want to abandon her, and felt caught between his desire to move into a deep intimate relationship with me, and his desire to support her in any way she needs. it caused a deep, heart wrenching conflict.
Ultimately, i recognized that our relationship was causing internal conflict for each of us. so i chose to let it go and let my love and respect for him transcend a romantic connection. i did not know that her situation had become so severe, requiring intensive long term care.
This is a relatively new development, learned last night.
I know that my new partner will be a tremendous support to my previous partner if he reaches out for it. i know also that my previous partner and i are able to transcend the ending of our romantic involvement to be friends to each other. so i feel that this encounter just underscored the attitude of grace, understanding, and compassion that already existed between my partner and i, my previous partner and i. I had shared this all with my current partner and his heart was so big and sensitive to it.
so, moving forward, there is just not negativity or regret, just an evolving depth of beautiful humanity in the face of great pain.
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