Post by kibbins on Oct 28, 2018 20:13:40 GMT
The DA guy i was dating for 6 months (we were exclusive but he refused to acknowledge us as bf/gf) - had issues with time spent- he would rarely sleep over. Saw each other once a week if that for a specific time increment. One night he asked if I wanted to get a drink and in the 15 min it took me to respond he ate some food, so when I said yes he said "things have changed now". I was upset basically said have a nice night. He texted me the next day:
"Hey. I think the right thing to do is for me to find a way to make myself happy and stop making you sad. I want to be able to do that with u in my life but I clearly am unable to. You deserve to be happy and be in the kind of relationship that makes u feel better not worse.
I don’t want to “see other people”. I want to feel better and I want u to feel better. I need to be realistic about how depressed I am. I can’t just keep hoping it will change
I can't imagine not talking to you. But it’s so silly/ unfair for me to be like “hey I’m depressed and I need to get better so let’s just talk and be friends and I want to be with u ultimately but idk when that is “
Agree and disagree. For me it’s more just the idea that like, I looked at my life this morning, was laying in bed for a cpl Hours and like...I don’t like myself. Things that used to make me happy don’t. I feel trapped in my life. Etc etc. none of those things make for a good partner. It's not fair to you
I think being alone will make it so I don’t hurt u anymore.
The relationship that u and I should have should be more than that
Every time we are together it doesn’t end well when i need to be alone. I can't keep doing it
Why do u think I’m like trying to con u so I can see someone else? Who would it even be? I’m being honest
I think being around u reminds me how shitty I am. It's like watching all the worst parts of myself
I am telling u I am trying to be realistic about my problems and until I can learn to like myself or feel better, I am wasting your time"
***ME a few days later:
"Hi
I've been thinking about this and I kind of feel like this was both of our faults
I know I was triggering your anxiety/intimacy stuff wanting to be closer and it became too much to deal w sorting thru ur own stuff and then have to worry about my feelings too
I think knowing u jumped into a relationship w martha after w few wks made me feel small and not trust u a lot of times and then u would open up to me and say nice things and that u wanted to b closer but felt like an orbiter w me and want me to open up more but i didn't feel secure enough in what we were doing to tell you how I really felt.
and it just caused friction i guess
I hope you never change who you are .but I hope you feel better and can talk to me sometimes as a friend or anyone really about how you're feeling. bc I care about you
That's it"
HIS RESPONSE******
"Thanks b. I’m glad u reached out. I miss you. It’s not your “fault”. I have been thinking too and just feels like I’ve gotten progressively worse at relationships and my effort. It does scare me a little to think that it’s something I’ll never be good at it. But I meant what i said about you deserving to be with someone who has that figured out and not someone who’s going thru it and having to be the collateral. Just makes me feel bad, selfishly.
In any case, I optimistically always imagined that we would be able to come together again as friends or whatever
"
______________________________
We are now speaking to each other a bit normally, but I guess since we had that exchange, he hasn't asked to hang out since, and I asked for something back he said he had of mine but he said it needed to be a quick exchange. He is alone at his house. I feel like continuing to speak normally is making him take me for granted. I don't want to put anything heavy on him but if I'm going to be speaking to him more than anyone else in his life I'd like him to at least try to see me. But I don't want to bring that up bc of his depression etc. I don't know. It's really hard to let him go bc we truly have a really unique connection and I like him so much.
"Hey. I think the right thing to do is for me to find a way to make myself happy and stop making you sad. I want to be able to do that with u in my life but I clearly am unable to. You deserve to be happy and be in the kind of relationship that makes u feel better not worse.
I don’t want to “see other people”. I want to feel better and I want u to feel better. I need to be realistic about how depressed I am. I can’t just keep hoping it will change
I can't imagine not talking to you. But it’s so silly/ unfair for me to be like “hey I’m depressed and I need to get better so let’s just talk and be friends and I want to be with u ultimately but idk when that is “
Agree and disagree. For me it’s more just the idea that like, I looked at my life this morning, was laying in bed for a cpl Hours and like...I don’t like myself. Things that used to make me happy don’t. I feel trapped in my life. Etc etc. none of those things make for a good partner. It's not fair to you
I think being alone will make it so I don’t hurt u anymore.
The relationship that u and I should have should be more than that
Every time we are together it doesn’t end well when i need to be alone. I can't keep doing it
Why do u think I’m like trying to con u so I can see someone else? Who would it even be? I’m being honest
I think being around u reminds me how shitty I am. It's like watching all the worst parts of myself
I am telling u I am trying to be realistic about my problems and until I can learn to like myself or feel better, I am wasting your time"
***ME a few days later:
"Hi
I've been thinking about this and I kind of feel like this was both of our faults
I know I was triggering your anxiety/intimacy stuff wanting to be closer and it became too much to deal w sorting thru ur own stuff and then have to worry about my feelings too
I think knowing u jumped into a relationship w martha after w few wks made me feel small and not trust u a lot of times and then u would open up to me and say nice things and that u wanted to b closer but felt like an orbiter w me and want me to open up more but i didn't feel secure enough in what we were doing to tell you how I really felt.
and it just caused friction i guess
I hope you never change who you are .but I hope you feel better and can talk to me sometimes as a friend or anyone really about how you're feeling. bc I care about you
That's it"
HIS RESPONSE******
"Thanks b. I’m glad u reached out. I miss you. It’s not your “fault”. I have been thinking too and just feels like I’ve gotten progressively worse at relationships and my effort. It does scare me a little to think that it’s something I’ll never be good at it. But I meant what i said about you deserving to be with someone who has that figured out and not someone who’s going thru it and having to be the collateral. Just makes me feel bad, selfishly.
In any case, I optimistically always imagined that we would be able to come together again as friends or whatever
"______________________________
We are now speaking to each other a bit normally, but I guess since we had that exchange, he hasn't asked to hang out since, and I asked for something back he said he had of mine but he said it needed to be a quick exchange. He is alone at his house. I feel like continuing to speak normally is making him take me for granted. I don't want to put anything heavy on him but if I'm going to be speaking to him more than anyone else in his life I'd like him to at least try to see me. But I don't want to bring that up bc of his depression etc. I don't know. It's really hard to let him go bc we truly have a really unique connection and I like him so much.
