Post by Deleted on Oct 29, 2018 23:47:20 GMT
Hi mrob, I have read the book. I have also screenshotted excerpts of it, created a PDF of it, and sent it to this guy. This was early on when he was more receptive to listening about this stuff. I gave up on talking about it though because he seemed to only be concerned with his work and that his "work vortex" was the problem.
I have posted here before. Here is the list of things I wrote that I noticed about him that seem to point to DA. This depression is either a new thing, or new excuse to push me away.
-Cannot handle sleepovers, leaves before its time to sleep or asks me to leave, even if right after sex.
-Never reaches out after an argument. Also said he missed his ex once but refused to reach out because "has weird boundaries about that stuff".
-Told me he assumed I was going to have sex with someone else and that assuming it would happen made him unable to get hurt.
-Was never willing to put a bf/gf label on us although we were supposed to be sexually exclusive since he is "scared of STDs". Said he had "become gun shy as he got older re: commitment unless it felt more certain and had become more of a whack job as he got older"
-Workaholic/wrapped up in his work.
-Goes to a therapist but said he talks to his therapist about work only since that's what's important.
-Low work satisfaction/constantly talking about wanting diff career
-Despised that his ex made him take on "caretaker" traits.
-Doesn't talk about problems w friends/ acts a bit fake. Says he has 5 diff personalities.
-Had had one serious relationship, 2 yrs long. Said he had never been happy with someone. Said there was a small window when he was happy with his ex but that was it. He is 33.
-He stopped having sex with her a year in. Said there was a mental block there. He did that to me too.
-I never felt like a priority whatsoever. Put his job/friends before me consistently. Did nothing for my bday. Sent me a text.
-Uses sarcasm constantly.
-Def feel like he devalued me many times in his mind. When meeting his friends, later chewed me out for responding to a text from my boss at the bar.
-Was unable to include me in plans w his friends (just that once). Also did not want to meet mine. Straight up refused to. Never did.
-Watches a lot of porn and talked about sex a lot and had been on sex apps. YET: he was unable to have sex w me for 3 months which he said was bc he was scared of STDs. Yet he said he only liked having sex with people he had a connection with (?). Did seem to check out a bit during sex. Stopped having sex w me a month prior to "breaking it off"
-His parents were not really present in childhood esp dad, and mom was cold. Both parents seem DA. Also, they are still married but live in separate states, and he said that's normal.
-Said he never wanted to be married or have kids
-Even at the beginning (couple months in) we would be hanging out on his couch in the middle of the day on a Saturday and he would need me to leave
-He has admitted to having low self esteem but also is very critical of others
-Talks about his ex a lot. (The phantom ex). And her new boyfriend.
-Often walked ahead of me on street
-Said he had a lot of secrets
-When things were going "well" he would suddenly disappear
i'm just curious, what your interest in a relationship with a person of such limited capacity is.
have you read Jeb's articles on Anxious Preoccipied attached persons? they are driven by their internal narrative to seek partnership and connection from an emotionally unavailable person, to their own detriment. it's because they are emotionally unavailable themselves, and the AP/DA dance ensues, painful for all.
does it ring a bell?
