Some DA quirks i'm working on

So.
i've shared that i am in a new relationship with someone unfamiliar with attachment theory, who tests as secure/AP to my secure/DA.

as we have gotten to know each other, i've shared a bit about my life and dismissive attachment.
I've done a lot of internal work, including inner child healing, therapy, PTSD recovery, and lots of self study of archetypes, and the like. The last two years i became acquainted with attachment theory and worked hard in my relationship with another disimissive, and grew a lot in terms of being able to become more emotionally available, honest, vulnerable, and consistent. working through deactivation was tough. ultimately that relationship was not sustainable due to a difference in recovery level/ outside obstacles, and has ended amicably.

I've not been in a relationship with a secure person with anxious traits. his are about equal in percentage on the test, to my dismissive. for what that's worth. but the approach each of us has taken to relationship is definitely influenced by our styles. it's neat to work together on it.
he appreciates my forthright communication and willingness to adjust in ways that nurture the relationship, and i have asked him to share anything that is a concern or insecurity for him so that we can talk about it and see if we can work together to be comfortable.

That's gone both ways, and so far it's been rewarding to just communicate and work together.
An example, follows.

i worked a full day on a saturday in my business, and my typical weekend starts at 5pm saturday when i am ready to wind down, enjoy a good meal by myself followed by a hot bath and a quiet evening. My weekend without the kids usually entails a great strength training workout on sunday morning, followed by a hike and some napping and reading. i enjoy these weekends as solitude weekends, and don't interact much with folks until i pick up my kids on Monday afternoon.

On a Saturday, he invited me for dinner and an evening of talking, at his place. My first internal automatic response was NO! NO!!!! However, i realized that his schedule was not jiving real well with mine at that point, and that his need for contact is naturally a little higher than mine. and, while i am not accustomed to visiting as frequently as he is, i enjoy his company so much, i want and am willing to make more time for it. his inclination in relationship provides a momentum and consistency that i am unaccustomed to but appreciate because it feels just kind of like a better way to do it than i have done before. it meets mutual needs actually. so i told him just keep coming at me and i will work out my quirks with some good reminding and trust on his side that i am just still growing .

So what i did, instead of decline, was explain that my weekends had worked a particular way for quite a while, and i would be happy to adjust to be able to spend some time together, but i needed a little decompression routine. He's got a very large home, very spacious, and lives a little drive from me. i proposed that i come after work , take a quick rest laying down while he finishes his computer work, then enjoy a hot bath in his big glorious tub while he makes the dinner he proposed.
That way, i could unwind, get inside my own head and meditate and enjoy silence for a bit, and be relaxed and ready to engage in the conversations he was eager to have

He was really happy to accommodate this, and it worked great for both of us. we enjoyed a great evening, the meal was delicious and the conversation very enjoyable. i had a great start to my weekend!

it turns out that i began to get very ill that night , and in fact i am still ill with what has turned out to be a serious virus. the perpetual loss and stress of the last few months has taken a toll and i feel wiped out. so i didn't drive home and instead slept there, and he actually tended to me in bed the entire next day. i slept on and off and felt horrible and he just did his work, and brought me food and a milkshake. very nice!

so. quite a radical shift from my isolation/independence. i can't remember the last time someone took care of me besides my kids when i'm knocked down. it was extremely nice and much appreciated.

So, i'm starting this thread to keep maybe a little log of what i'm experiencing in this new relationship.

The next thing, was that he mentioned the fact that i hadn't invited him inside my home, and was unsure what to make of that. he wasn't unreasonable in any way at all, and offered to visit at my home so i didn't always have to come out to his.

i'm going to take a nap to rest and heal from this illness but i will return later to finish that story. i have habitual ways of being that are quirky and easily misunderstood and this relationship will be a great opportunity to mix it up.

i'm finding it enjoyable and broadening to open my world and still be who i naturally am; with some compromise.