Looking for insight into DA experience

Most of the literature out there, I find to be crap. A lot is written from the AP perspective and who have been hurt by an avoidant. They don't understand the inner workings, they only understand that they have been hurt. It's just not helpful to an avoidant who wants to do the inner work.
The only thing that has helped me is coming to the realization that I want to make my life better. There is no literature or person on this planet, in my opinion, that will make someone want to do the work. I'll be honest, being unaware is easier!! I think being an unaware DA is easier than being an unaware AP. I don't have the pain and turmoil, so it's harder to recognize that something needs to be changed. APs I think seek therapy because they are in pain. This is not the case for many DAs. I think we only see the pain if we become more aware. For me, awareness is more painful, BUT I know the path will lead me somewhere eventually.

It was 6 paragraphs of "He's not changing for you, if you don't like him, leave him" - which I never asked about - and a couple of sentences including a full caps sentence of "your experience"

Thanks for your well wishes, Juniper. I wish you godspeed on the path before you.

Yeah, its shitty and it turned me off of attachment theory the first time I encountered it because it basically said "you are fucked up and toxic, everyone should run away from you."

I have written several posts on the subject. If your boyfriend has set a goal to earn secure attachment and looking for some examples of the healing process, most of my life story is in the DA support forum and as a DA, he is free and welcome to work with us there.

I don’t know where I sit on the spectrum of attachment anymore since I seem to swing to all sides depending on who I’m with or how I feel at the moment! But- i agree when I read “attached” one thing that jumped out to me was that APs just needed to find the right person while DA needed help. That’s rediculous to me. When I think of my ex DA I think his ways are not bad they are different from my AP response to him. His defense mechanisms are different but certainly not worse than mine. And I most certainly needed to make adjustments to me. Because I found a secure partner and our relationship has been long lasting and loving. However, my insecurities are not gone and my defense mechanism are still there and I still take them out on those around me. A secure partner didn’t fix me. I still need to do the work.

And to comment on what Mary said about being aware being harder- I couldn’t agree more. Nearly every day I want to go back to the ignorance and autopilot life I was living. I was happy. I have a great life. And it was easy. But I was also full of anxiety and stress and trying to hold it all together but I accepted that as normal. all it took was one mistake to break me and I realized I had absolutely no healthy way to deal with it. When I looked at my life and what I was doing to other people- forget myself I was just fine- but I hurt people I cared about and I was certain this was affecting my kids. I wasn’t sure how at the time but I knew it had to be. Once I became aware of it I couldn’t help but see it everywhere. And then I saw how ultimately I was creating my own suffering by living that way. I needed to find a new way to relate to myself and the world. I guess what I am saying is: when what you are doing works for you- you won’t change it. Once i realized somethings wrong, I could have either kept looking for it to be someone else’s problem or I could accept that it might actually be me that needs to work on something. I choose the latter and it has completely changed how I view everything in my life.