Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 3, 2018 20:34:23 GMT
Yes, it’s all about healing. For all insecure types. Hurt people hurt people no matter their style or method of hurting. Blaming helps no one. Totally the only reason i have anything to say about AP healing their own wounds, is in response to the many many many many many that come here focusing on addressing their avoidant partber's issues. it's a prevalent theme. it isn't about blame, it's about- hey- you're bleeding out here. get yourself stitched up. STAT. it becomes a circular conversation at some point. AP and DA can blame each other till the cows come home. they can blame themselves. it won't stop, i'm not here to stop it. i'm here to say from experience that if one turns their helpful intentions that are currently focused on supporting or changing a dysfunctional partner, to healing the wounds of their own heart, what a partner or ex partner does or does not do becomes way less influential. Nobody can take what you're not giving. there's adult autonomy involved and we all have to find that and come into our own power as adults. Healing brings authenticity and emotional availability , and can pave the way to a satisfying relationship where blame and constant disappointment isn't an issue. i know it because i'm experiencing that. but anyway. it's been said a bunch here. 🌸 |
|
lilos
Full Member
Posts: 144
|
Post by lilos on Nov 3, 2018 21:33:43 GMT
the only reason i have anything to say about AP healing their own wounds, is in response to the many many many many many that come here focusing on addressing their avoidant partber's issues. it's a prevalent theme. it isn't about blame, it's about- hey- you're bleeding out here. get yourself stitched up. STAT. it becomes a circular conversation at some point. AP and DA can blame each other till the cows come home. they can blame themselves. it won't stop, i'm not here to stop it. i'm here to say from experience that if one turns their helpful intentions that are currently focused on supporting or changing a dysfunctional partner, to healing the wounds of their own heart, what a partner or ex partner does or does not do becomes way less influential. Nobody can take what you're not giving. there's adult autonomy involved and we all have to find that and come into our own power as adults. Healing brings authenticity and emotional availability , and can pave the way to a satisfying relationship where blame and constant disappointment isn't an issue. i know it because i'm experiencing that. but anyway. it's been said a bunch here. 🌸 I believe all of this so fully!! When I reflected on the things I said to my ex-DA when I met I all I could hear from myself to him was “save me, fix me, validate me, tell me I’m ok” like a person drowning in an ocean. And, as I’ve been told, you don’t try to grab a drowning person or they’ll pull you right down with them. He should have run from me- there was nothing he could have said to actually do any of the things I was asking for- and it was never his responsibility. It was always mine. When I started to wake up one of the first things I said to myself was - WTF- I’m an adult, I can save, fix and validate my own damn self! What am I doing? Life changing perspective when you actually believe it. |
|
