Post by shazbot on Dec 4, 2018 0:28:23 GMT
So I'm a widow. My husband died of cancer in March. We had an incredible relationship that we referred to (in our vows) as "true love, Princess Bride-style."
It's tempting for me to view the way I behave in romantic situations as a result of being a widow and grieving, but if I'm honest, I've always been this way, and he was my one exception -- we committed hard and loved and supported each other through our entire relationship. My relationship record other than with him (8 years) was six weeks -- and always with an escape clause (I'm moving away and don't want something serious, but we can see each other until X date.) I'm sure this problem of mine has been exacerbated by having a relationship that I don't feel like other people could measure up to.
I took the emotional attachment type test at psychology today.
Traits that are healthy
○ You do not display an extreme fear of being rejected or abandoned by a partner
○ You have a healthy level of self-esteem
○ You do not display an excessive desire to please others
○ You are comfortable acting on your own
○ You do not display an extreme desire to control a partner or the relationship
Traits that are potentially unhealthy
○ Your altruistic behavior can sometimes be excessive
Traits that are unhealthy
○ You are not very comfortable with emotional closeness
--
Here's the thing: I care about people. A lot. I would do anything for anybody. I develop close, emotionally-fulfilling friendships easily. I'm generally seen as reliable and loving.
But somehow when it comes to romantic entanglements, I seem to be pretty classically DA, even if I can maintain affection or even caring for them in a platonic way, I don't seem to be able to attach romantically. I spend a lot of my time running away and have difficulty feeling romantic attraction (though sexual attraction is a different story).
It's tempting for me to view the way I behave in romantic situations as a result of being a widow and grieving, but if I'm honest, I've always been this way, and he was my one exception -- we committed hard and loved and supported each other through our entire relationship. My relationship record other than with him (8 years) was six weeks -- and always with an escape clause (I'm moving away and don't want something serious, but we can see each other until X date.) I'm sure this problem of mine has been exacerbated by having a relationship that I don't feel like other people could measure up to.
I took the emotional attachment type test at psychology today.
Traits that are healthy
○ You do not display an extreme fear of being rejected or abandoned by a partner
○ You have a healthy level of self-esteem
○ You do not display an excessive desire to please others
○ You are comfortable acting on your own
○ You do not display an extreme desire to control a partner or the relationship
Traits that are potentially unhealthy
○ Your altruistic behavior can sometimes be excessive
Traits that are unhealthy
○ You are not very comfortable with emotional closeness
--
Here's the thing: I care about people. A lot. I would do anything for anybody. I develop close, emotionally-fulfilling friendships easily. I'm generally seen as reliable and loving.
But somehow when it comes to romantic entanglements, I seem to be pretty classically DA, even if I can maintain affection or even caring for them in a platonic way, I don't seem to be able to attach romantically. I spend a lot of my time running away and have difficulty feeling romantic attraction (though sexual attraction is a different story).
