Secure seeking perspective on DA partner

faithopelove
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Secure seeking perspective on DA partner Jan 31, 2019 3:10:55 GMT via mobile unluckyinlove likes this

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Post by faithopelove on Jan 31, 2019 3:10:55 GMT

Jan 31, 2019 1:48:49 GMT browneyes said:

Jan 30, 2019 15:58:26 GMT sissyk said:

[quote timestamp="1548861540" The tough love message I got from DAs here was you can't change him. You can only be direct and decide what you want/can accept.

I'm afraid I haven't communicated very well if I have given the impression that I want to change him! I am crazy about him the way he is. What I want is to understand him.

I'm okay with not knowing.I will reread Jeb's books as mrob suggested. Thank you for helping me process.

Avoidants are so hard for me to understand, no matter how intensely I study. They are just wired and respond completely differently. Pretty much the complete opposite of me- makes it hard to understand but I now have empathy knowing the same type of things that trigger my anxiety will trigger their deactivation.

Last Edit: Jan 31, 2019 4:12:48 GMT by faithopelove

mrob Honored Contributor Posts: 1,255	Secure seeking perspective on DA partner Jan 31, 2019 4:24:12 GMT via mobile Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Back to Top Post by mrob on Jan 31, 2019 4:24:12 GMT Faith, how do you go with the right and wrong judgement attached to that? Internally, that is?

faithopelove
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Posts: 1,170

Secure seeking perspective on DA partner Jan 31, 2019 4:31:44 GMT via mobile unluckyinlove likes this

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Post by faithopelove on Jan 31, 2019 4:31:44 GMT

Jan 31, 2019 4:24:12 GMT mrob said:

Faith, how do you go with the right and wrong judgement attached to that? Internally, that is?

mrob - I’m not sure I understand your question? You mean as far as not judging the avoidant? In that case I understand that all the struggles come from a place of pain as w any insecure and that helps me feel empathy and not judge, but rather look at is as a defense and mode of self-protection. Unless you meant something else altogether?!

mrob Honored Contributor Posts: 1,255	Secure seeking perspective on DA partner Jan 31, 2019 4:58:25 GMT via mobile Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Back to Top Post by mrob on Jan 31, 2019 4:58:25 GMT That’s exactly what I meant. I appreciate your candour.

faithopelove Honored Contributor Posts: 1,170	Secure seeking perspective on DA partner Jan 31, 2019 6:43:53 GMT via mobile Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Back to Top Post by faithopelove on Jan 31, 2019 6:43:53 GMT Jan 31, 2019 4:58:25 GMT mrob said: That’s exactly what I meant. I appreciate your candour. 🙂

Post by faithopelove on Jan 31, 2019 3:10:55 GMT

Post by mrob on Jan 31, 2019 4:24:12 GMT

Post by faithopelove on Jan 31, 2019 4:31:44 GMT

Post by mrob on Jan 31, 2019 4:58:25 GMT

Post by faithopelove on Jan 31, 2019 6:43:53 GMT